Ha Ha Ha...Ewww

3L: Have you heard about "There Will Be Blood?" . . . Yeah, it's a period piece.

Sometimes Words Suffice

3L: Get your camera ready, we're about to see that fat lady's butt cheeks.

Well Hello, Mr.Fancypants.

District Attorney: I think we'll just wait for the officer to get here, then we'll go ahead and try the case.

3L: But if I try it and we don't win, it'll count as a loss.

Judge: No, no, no...do not start counting wins and losses.

3L: That's the point...I haven't had to count any losses before.

freudian blackboards

Noticed on a blackboard following a property review:

Standard
Jurisprude

At least you have a way to pass the time?

Law School Grad (waiting for bar results): oh good, i was hoping for bar results before i left, but luckily i got an ad for butt plugs so i'll still be able to be f***ed in the ass!

Don't make me get my belt!

Prof (who is also a practicing criminal law attorney): Everytime I go in there I give my credit card to one of the public defenders who comes to watch, because one of these days Judge X is going to throw me in jail.
3L: Why?
Prof: We got him spanked by daddy....Posner spanked him.

Northwestern University College of Law and Microbrewery

Overheard at an expansive Liquor Store in Chicago:

Female #1: Do you work here?
Employee: Yes
Female #2: We hate you.
Female #1: Kidding!
Employee: How can I help you?
Female #1: We are looking to buy beer, but we don't know what to get
Female #2: We don't want Frat Party beer
Female #1: And we don't want something that screams 'Snob!'
Employee: You want Law Student Beer.
Female #1 and #2: YES!

Does this smell like torts, oranges, or pine trees?

Recent Grad: [State's] bar is apparently scratch 'n' sniff, because [other recent grad] passed!

Those chicks sure do move fast on the L-Word

1L: Why is the clock moving so slow?
1L lesbian: Cause god has a penis.

Overheard by Emma

West-Crack and LexisMeth-is

Regarding the shameless self-promotion of Lexis and Westlaw at 1L orientation.

1L#1: It's like they're taking their marketing cues from street hustlers.

1L#2: Yeah, "Psssst--hey, kid, wanna buy a statute?"

1L#1: "C'mon, first ten hits are free."


Overheard by JB3

Great 2nd Amendment argument

2L: I was thinking that maybe I should be saving my money for a new computer instead of buying more guns; but I figure there’s no one trying to make it illegal to buy a computer so I’ll just buy guns for now.

Overheard by DSE

Is it Strickland yet?

Attorney: "Your honor, I wasn't aware my client had any priors."

Judge: "Really. You represented him on that case."

Overheard by JLE

Priapism is a serious condition

Torts Professor: Party A agrees to have 'intimate relations' with party B for $20. Party B knowingly gives party A a counterfeit $20 bill. Is there harm? I mean, Party A is stiffed.

Overheard by DJB

Another great reason to spend $50K

Torts Prof: "I didn't take notes in law school. Though in some classes, I got so bored, that I figured that law school would provide me with the perfect opportunity to learn how to write with my left hand. So I did take some notes, but they were technically penmanship practice."

Overheard by KG

He meant point the finger of blame at her, clearly

Re: Bonkowski v. Arlan's Department Store

Torts Prof: Defendants may, in this case, possibly be held liable for a tort if "one holds her down while the other one fingers her."

Overheard by DF

Invest in some really big notebooks

Evidence Prof: Now the defendants have heard that their medication is causing praipism. That’s like in the Viagra and cialis commercials when they say, “If you’ve had an erection for more than four hours…” This is a serious condition. Any man knows how hard it would be to try to pee standing on your head.

Overheard by JV

You found a use for it after all!

2L, yelling: I am going to beat you to death with my UCC!

Overheard by LH

It's similar to the douchebag test

Contracts Professor: "Bastardy proceedings are interesting because you don't actually get to prove someone is a bastard."

Overheard by mn

but he did it for you?

1L #1: but a hammer and nails is not intrinsically dangerous

1L #2: i don't know, jesus was killed with a hammer and nails.

Overheard by EW

Admit it, you know this guy

Professor: "Now I remember back when I was in law school, and even in undergrad - even though that was a long time ago, that if someone asked me how much time I spent on something – I'd lie! I'd tell them I didn’t spend any time on it, or just 15 minutes, but in reality I spent three hours. Why? Because that’s the competition! I want them to only spend 15 minutes. So don’t trust other people I guess is what I’m trying to tell you. Think about it! If I spend 3 hours working on something and they spend 15 minutes, guess who lives in the bigger house!"

Overheard by LegalBuffy