Blackacre is very public

2L girl: He asked me to come over before our last simulation.

2L guy: whoa.

2L girl: And i was like, oh, come over to blackacre?

2L guy: Why'd you say ok?

2L girl: I was ok to go to blackacre b/c we were sim partners, but i was not ok to go to his house b/c we are not rape partners

Is that Kosher?

2L: Everybody wants a Jew lawyer. They're great!

Hearsay for 200 bob...

Evidence Professor was discussing why his exam will be, "unlike any other you've taken in law school"

2L:"This isn't a test. This will be a game show..."

Evidence class is discussing dying declarations.

2L: Wait, a homicide means somebody died, right?
Prof: I'm going to make a note of that, in case I ever teach first year criminal law.

Character and Fitness?

LRW Prof: 1L, you’re from California, how would you cite to section 307(f) of the California Penal Code.

1L: I don’t know…I mean, I’ve been prosecuted under the penal code, but I’ve never cited to it.

It's Good to be the Dean

Property Professor: Let's say I become dean of the law school then I decide it's time to marry one of my former students

comedy or dread

on the last day of the term....

Business orgs prof: "Welcome to what will hopefully be your last session of Business orgs. If not then i hope you elect to take me again..."


(and Yes, in class you could hear him bolding the 'hopefully')

Who Cares About Coed Education?

On U.S. v. Virginia

1L: I think it's a great thing for state money to have little boys running around naked?

overheard by J

It's because we know our future

Overheard while walking past the public use computers in the law library…

“Law students just seem to be so disenchanted.. They all walk around with the same look on their face.”

~anonymous

Bundle of quotes

Contracts Prof explaining about unconscionability, described rent to own contracts: "You know how they work. You can rent a $89 phone for $9 a week for the rest of your life."

1L: "Why can't the renters just save their money and then buy it?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contracts Prof: "If you buy seeds from a company called Funk Seeds, you pretty much get what you deserve."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contracts Prof: "The phone company used to have the slogan 'let your fingers do the walking,' with this little picture of fingers walking. What is that? It's like the gang sign for the phone company!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Contracts Prof: "If you see a lot of exculpation going on, you feel rather exclupatory."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CivPro Prof: "California doesn't have common law marriages. We just live in sin. We're used to it."



- blondelaw at http://www.gratuitouspromise.blogspot.com/

A nifty start to the end of the world

Professor: "What do we call 10000 nuclear weapons aimed at the heart of the Soviet Union?"

2L: "A good start"

Later on in the same class:

Professor: "The nifty thing about nuclear war is that it only lasts an hour and a half"

What our Tuition Dollars REALLY Pay For...

2L #1: What do you do with old CD's with information that you don't want people to see?
2L:#2: Put it in the microwave!
2L #1: What?!? Doesn't that hurt the microwave?
2L #2: Well, don't leave it in there for too long. (pause) You know, you should really use the SBA (Student Bar Association) microwave.

Hungry?

Simulation Prof: I was just trying to wet your appetite a bit...
1L: Oh, well I'm wet.

knowing is half the battle

Property Professor: What rule should we take away from this case?

1L: Don't live in a trailer park.

Exclusion of the Fruit from the Poisonous Tree

Criminal Procedure Prof: How does one purge the taint?

2L: A hot water douche

As an Aside:
2L: I am going to get really tired of the prof talking about 'purging the taint' for the next 45 minutes...

The Legislature In The 70's

Con Law Prof: As long as you were not on an acid trip at the time you passed this statute, everything is going to be fine.

International Search and Seizure

International Law Prof: "So how would this law [an anti-terrorism statute] and the Geneva convention interact the 4th amendment?"

Zoned Out 2L #1: "The 4th amendment? How can we illegally search and seize a country?"

Zoned Out 2L #2: "Imagine the Chief Justice saying, 'I'm sorry W, you have to give back Madagascar now'"

Sweet unpreparedness

Professor: "Why don't you [gesturing towards a student] tell us about this case"

Student: [After a delay] "Are you talking to me?"

Professor: "Yes, tell us about the case"

Student: "I'm sorry, I just put an M&M in my mouth"

Iron Chef I

BA Prof, judging the Con Law Prof "Iron Chef": "Usually we review this kind of thing using briefs as well, but in this case [Civ Pro female prof] has no briefs. (pause) Of course, since there are no briefs, we have to award the best oral advocates, the one with the slickest tongue. So today I am going to award the most cunning linguist."

later

BA Prof: "As we know, Con Law Prof #1 was a clerk for [Supreme Court Justice]. Recently she fell asleep during oral arguments. This begs the question as to what she's doing late at night that she's so tired during the day. The answer is that she spends long nights with her past and present clerks. So, we award Con Law Prof #1 for his excellent service."

The best kind of friends

2L#1: Want to know how I make friends?
2L#2: (nods)
2L#1: (pushes a book entitled "Prison Sex: Practice and Policy"* towards 2L#2)






* Hensley, Christopher, ed. Prison Sex: Practice and Policy. (Lynne Rienner Publishers, Inc. 1st edition 2002.)

She was lying.

Legal Writing Professor trying to get 1L to go up to the podium and practice his oral argument in front of the class:

Professor: Oh come on Mr. 1L, its only 30 seconds or a minute of your time.
1L (Chuckles): Ha, yea, that's what SHE said.
Professor (laughs and looks bewildered): Mr. 1L, please don't ever say that in court...

Posted by: Anonymous

Quagmire says, 1986 was a good year! giggedy giggedy

CivPro Prof: "In 1986, it was legal for employers to sexually harrass all of your mothers."

--
Overheard by MM

Truth hurts!

Torts Prof [to 1L]: "Try to form an argument that's not so stupid."

----
Overheard by MM

Because poop is funny.

Property Prof: "You can't poop in this house"

----

Overheard by MM

Is it a Geriatric Ward or a Law School or Both?

2L #1: [Right after this old and confused man hobbles past] What’s that professor’s name?

2L #2: You mean, Professor ‘One-foot-in the grave.' Yeah, I have no idea, but I know I was told to avoid his classes like the plague

2L #3: I would tell his students that unstead of bringing an apple to class, they should bring him Ensure

2L #1: Ain’t tenure grand?

The most effective methods are often cruel...

Re: How to get a witness to testify at trial...

PR Prof: You instill the fear of God in him by talking shit.

Same difference

2L #1: (doing a crossword) Do you spell "reap" like "reap what you sow," r-e-e-p?
2L #2: No, it's r-e-a-p.
2L #1: You would know, it's Jewish and Biblical.
2L #2: Yeah, like don't fear the reaper?
2L #1: Is that biblical?
2L #2: No, I think that's Blue Oyster Cult.

well, that's a skill not every lawyer has

Guy: Well, can we work on the project on Tuesday?
Girl: I can't. I'm volunteering at the Free Clinic.
Guy: Oh. What's the Free Clinic?
Girl: It's near campus...they provide all kinds of medical services to people who can't afford it.
Guy: Cool. What do you do there?
Girl: I deal with lab specimens. If you ever need a urinanalysis or a pregnancy test, I'm your girl.

I bet he made a lot of money in private practice.

Prof: "The IRS doesn't play fair. [someone gives prof a dirty look] What Mr. 2L? Did you used to work for the IRS?
2L: "No."
Prof: "Wrong. We ALL work for the IRS."

Con Law 3:16

Con Law Prof: 1L #1, when does the Pope believe life begins?
1L #1: At conception.
Con Law Prof: When does Pat Robertson believe life begins?
1L #1: Uhh…Pat Robertson?
Con Law Prof: Sorry. When do televangelists believe a fetus is human?
1L #2: When it starts to donate money.

Class can blow me

1L: [2L girl], go to class.
2L boy #1: Seriously, [2L girl], stop being such a cocksucker and go to class.
2L boy #2: Let's be honest here, whether she's a cocksucker is not dependent on whether she goes to class. She can still be a cocksucker and go to class.
2L girl: Do you all hate me?

Well, that's one way to look at it...

The scene: professional responsibility class discussing inadvertent disclosure of confidential information.

Prof: So, who would read the e-mail anyway?

2L raises hand.

Prof: Yes?

2L: It's like reading the tube of toothpaste while you're sitting on the toilet. You read it because it's there.

Oh, no you didn't

Civ Pro Prof: Let's skip the facts of this case because no one cares about Boston
Class: Aw
Civ Pro Prof: Seriously, can anyone name one song by Boston?
Student: More than a feelin'
Civ Pro Prof: Ok, someone really does like Boston.

Stress Relief?

1L on IM: i think i need a f&@# buddy. if i get one i'll do better in school.

Do as I say, not as I do?

After one student's first-ever opening statements:

Trial Ad Prof: "You should really do it like we discussed."

2L: "How does that end up working for you?"

Trial Ad Prof: "The good news is that I am rarely held in contempt"

A common misconception

Property Professor: "Say you are in a joint tenancy with one other person. How can you sever the tenancy?"
1L: "Kill the other person."

-- All overheard by "There's No Competition in Law School"

Sometimes talking in class goes wrong.

Property Professor: "So why do we allow divorce? Why isn't marriage a ironclad contract that cannot be broken?"

1L #1: "Well, this probably isn't the right answer, but if we didn't allow divorce, a lot of lawyers would be out of a job."

Property Professor: "You're right. That's not the right answer."

-- Overheard by "There's No Competition in Law School"

What the professor learned while in practice...

Biz orgs prof: "Good lawyers always make sure they don't go to jail ... by 'they' i mean the lawyer, not necessary the client."

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Civ Pro Prof: We’d love to have some sort of majority, but once again we’ve got Stevens over here saying, ‘I like these four, I like these four...group hug.’”

--overheard by Sara

On Kelo

Civ Pro prof, to a 1L defending Kelo: "I think you seriously overestimate the honesty of local governments."

Jurors and the media

Civ Pro Prof: They (jurors) all want to write a book that will sell for three days until we all figure out we don't care what these people think.

My Cousin Adolf.

Torts Prof: You think, wait a second, a video game is tangible. I can go to a store and pick up Kill Them All version 7. I have a cousin who can kill millions of people in a comparatively short amount of time.

this fits in the definition of 'really shady people'

Con Law prof: If you went to a Red Light District, what might you find?
2L: Hookers?

It's true. He should.

PR Prof: Everybody turn to page 391. I think this guy (Abraham Sofaer) should be indicted for a really bad combover.

Not so good with numbers.

PR Prof: What rule are we under?
2L: Rule 1.7.
PR Prof: No. Not 1.7. Not 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5... 1.6, 1.7 or 1.8.
2L: Still on 1.9?
PR Prof: No!
2L: 1.11?
PR Prof: NO!!!
2L: 1.10?

This person is probably on law review

L3: We're going to hold a referendum on this matter.

L1: Why don't we just have a vote?

Same meeting, 10 minutes later...

L2: So, we'll have a town hall meeting next week.

Same L1: Cool! I'll call and organize the buses to get the students there!

-- Overheard by JPR

To the point

Property Prof: Mr. 1L, what is the defendant's problem?
1L: Uh...the plaintiff sued him?

-- Overheard by Alternative Twiggy

We all know that guy

A student coughed all the way through the first half of class. After the break, right before the professor starting speaking again, she ran from the room.
Contracts Prof: "Good riddance........just kidding."
She walks back in with a Coke.
Contracts Prof.: "Oh, this was for a coke?"
1L: "I have a cough."
Contracts Prof: "Oh? I hadn't noticed. <> You ought to stop smoking."

Horrifed look by student....

Contracts Prof: "Oh, you DO smoke? Oh, I'm sure there's NO connection."

-- Overheard by blondelaw from http://gratuitouspromise.blogspot.com/

We do have expression problems...

Female 2L #1: So I was out last night and this guy that I know who is engaged was hitting on me. Now I think my friends are pissed off at me.

Female 2L #2: They always blame the flirtee and never the flirtor.

Female 2L #1: Flirtee and Flirtor? You are definitely in law school.

submitted by hko.

Better question, why is there a Scalia picture in his locker

Conversation between two 3L's after 3L guy showed 3L girl a picture of Scalia taped in his locker.

3L guy: Scalia is coming to town to speak at the cathedral. I hope I'll get to meet him.

3L girl: You must be super excited to meet your favorite Supreme Court Justice?

3L guy: He isn't my favorite.

3L girl: He isn't? Then who is?

3L guy: John Roberts...He's like the Lebron James of the Supreme Court.

-- Overheard by MP

On Contract Drafting...

During a group contract drafting session:

2L #1: Didn't the professor say that she's been drafting contracts everyday for the last 15 years? Can you imagine coming into the office, sitting down at your desk, and doing this stuff everyday for the next 15 years?

2L #2: (pause) I'd rather be a stripper.

It's not what you think, I swear!

1L girl: Oh, I didn't ride the mechanical bull. I rode [fellow 1L guy] instead! And I have the pictures to prove it.

From one extreme to the other... all in one class.

Male Evidence Prof: "That reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Thelma and Louise. Have you seen this movie Mr. 2L?
2L:"eh. No."
Prof:"Why are you Canadian?"
2L:"Nope ... i'm just a guy."


(later in the same class)

Prof:"The prosecution wants to do what? They want to call the wife to the stand and grill her... grill her like a Salmon."

On why we have juries..

Civ Pro Prof: [A jury trial] is a check on judges... because life tenure makes you crazy. Just look at Stephen Reinhardt of the 9th Circuit

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Con Law Prof.: Some of you, I know, have been thinking a lot about gay sex.

5 seconds later, after class starts laughing

Con Law Prof.: In the context of Legal Research and Writing, I mean.

Where's a Dictionary When You Need One?

Constitutional Law Professor (discussing constitutionality of discrimination): Well, Ms. 2L, was this invidious in nature?

Ms. 2L: (pause) What does invidious mean?

Tell us what you really think

Crim Pro Prof: I don't know what you guys know about J. Edgar Hoover, but he was pure incarnate evil.

A good point... in theory...

Highschool Teacher was subject of abusive web site that call her many things. One of which was her weight the other that she was sleeping with the Principle.

2L: "But wait. It [the school district's pleading] said that she lost weight and sleep. Isn't that a good thing?"
Prof:"Yeah. Lets see you make that argument in court."

Google Maps is the best

corporations prof, after receiving correct response to a posed question (it had been a few minutes): that's RIGHT! True that! Double true!!"

-- Overheard by DL

This case is an abomination!

Civ Pro Prof: It is clear here that the judge didn't care about the case. Look at footnote 8. He was just saying, "Look how much I know about the law… blah … blah.”

A Long Strange Trip

Torts Prof: Then the 60’s happened…I…I don’t remember much…oh, boy!

Interchangeable blondes

Prof: Nicole Smith...what's her name? Ah, Anna Nicole Smith. I always get her mixed up with Jessica Simpson. I’m sure that’s unfair to one of them, but I’m not sure which one.

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays

1L: I just had this revelation. When we get out of law school, they're going to make us be lawyers.

-- Overheard by KP

~~

Contracts prof: OK Miss 1L, what do you have to show for a material breach?
Miss 1L: That there was an agreement… and that it was materially breached…

-- Overheard by Anonymous

~~

Contracts prof: And Mr. 1L, what does the dissent have to say about it?
Mr. 1L: They don’t agree.
Contracts prof: Well, that’s certainly perceptive of you.

-- Overheard by Anonymous

The advantages of Law School

While talking about Insider Trading in Business Orgs...

Biz orgs Prof: "How much did O'Hagan [A lawyer who charged with insider trading] get?"
2L:"$4.3 million dollars.
Biz Prof:"And in the Chiarella case how much did he [a printer charged with insider trading] get?
2L: "Something like 30 grand"
Biz prof:"So. I guess going to Law School really pays off doesn't it?"

Hello???

Questioning 2L after not being called on while raising hand: Did you just not see me, or did you just not want to call on me?

Our legal writing class is called CORE

2L on IM: apparently someone signed the blind letter "Ino Y. Korblowz"

2L on IM: and [writing professor] knocked 'em down a letter grade for it.

-- Overheard by JRS

Advanced Corporate Law Prof. (reading from the New York Times): “It says that yesterday Enron’s former CEO was attacked as a liar. Well, of course he’s a liar.”

Same Prof. : “[They next challenge the deal on fairness grounds.] You know you’re in real trouble when your unfair and inequitable argument come after the constitutional challenge.”

Overheard by Prof. Schwarzenegger.

He'd have competition

Crim Law Prof talking about the death penalty: “Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. Hmm, maybe I should run for office on that platform.”

- As overheard by Calculating Bitch

(www.lawbitches.blogspot.com)

More in the water

Civ Pro 2 Prof: You all have to start reading the footnotes in the cases. I understand that stopping to read a footnote, while reading a case, is like having mad passionate sex and having to get out of bed and answer the ringing doorbell - something you really do not want to do, but are compelled to do because it might be Ed McMann - but do it anyway because it could change life as you know it.

- Overheard by VLJ

Something in the water

Civ Pro prof: Sorry guys, I'm having trouble gettin' it up for you. If I could get it up, I would.

After 30 seconds of awkward silence

Civ Pro prof: Hmm, that didn't come out quite like I imagined it would. I was referring to the powerpoint.

-- Overheard by EN

MarchMadness (part 2)

Thursday in class... (while the rest of the world is watching the games - this class started at 3pm on thursday)

Evidence prof: "Mr. 2L -It's obvious that you are paying more attention to that screen then to me. So. Tell the class what you know... What is the score?

March Madness (part 1)

[The professor went to Montana - and we are in Michigan - This was sent after the first round - before the second]

Evidence Prof Email to the Class: "Montana won it's NCAA playoff game last night. I can't find the Michigan score, how did Michigan do?"

The title of his Email was "the Real UofM" ....

Master of the Obvious

Guest Lecturer (showing a video presention): Here, the passenger stole his friend's car, drove off, and flipped off the police officer.

Trial Advocacy Professor: That's not a good idea....

So That's Why Law School Is So Popular

Dean of Students at orientation: And the librarians will service you in ways you can’t even imagine.

Well as long as we are getting our money's worth...

After a student apology for sleeping in class...

Evidence Professor: "We were just glad to have you in class, asleep or awake. Asleep you were the source of entertainment for the class."

Roll Tide

Con Law Prof: To go to the University of Alabama in the early part of the 20th century was to make a self-educated man look good.

And I thought that being a lawyer was going to be sexy

Legal Writing Prof: "This stuff is boring as hell...welcome to the practice of law"

Uhh... No, but Thanks Anyway

2L: Oh, I've been known to have a caramel taste. Go on, take a lick.

No, really, it was that bad.

Law students walking behind very slow walking non-law students:

Non-law student: I never really know where to put my pants to make them look and feel best.
Non-law student #2: That's easy. You put them in between the tummy and the fupa.
2L #1: Oh god I'm going to be sick.
2L #2: Negligent infliction of too much information.

OOOH BURNED

Conversation b/w Torts Prof and 1L about whether a plaintiff assumed the risk…

1L: "How drunk was she?"

Prof: "How drunk do you want her to be?"

1L: "You don't want me to answer that question."

Prof: "Well now we know what it takes for Mr. 1L to get a date."

-- Overheard by Anonymous

Perpetuate stereotypes? at law school? no way!

Con law class discussing sex discrimination at VMI:

1L female: But there are other things that women can do in the military besides serve on the front line.
Con law prof: Be secretaries?
1L female: No, like...
Con law prof: Cooking?

--Overheard by JC

and you thought YOUR gunners were bad...

In a Torts Class, talking about the duty to rescue, 1L has a habit of picking apart every hypo for every last possible scenario, no matter how unlikely)

Torts Prof: "Assume that I'm drowning, 1L, and you walk by and see that I'm drowning. Do you have a duty to rescue me?"
1L: "Well, do I know how to swim?"
Torts Prof: [visibly annoyed] "Sure"
1L: "Is this the ocean, or a river?"
Torts Prof: [more annoyed] "It doesn't matter...a river."
1L: "Is there a strong current?"
Torts Prof: [very frustrated, barks out:] "I'M DROWNING! YOU WALK BY, 1L! DO YOU RESCUE ME?"
1L: "That depends, do I know it's YOU?!"

Overheard by Law Student

Intentional Infliction of Ugly Distress

Property Prof: "There's no cause of action for ugliness... although maybe there should be."

Overheard by E

Equal spooning rights

Female 1L #1: "Usually I have to be the little spoon, because I'm usually with guys who are bigger than me. But when it comes to spooning with girls, I'm all for spooning equity."

(two minutes later)

Female 1L #2: "When I spoon with girls, it's usually with my sisters, and I get into trouble, because they forget that I'm not their boyfriend. All of a sudden I'm like 'hey, you just grabbed my ass -- what are you doing?' "

Why Are You Single Again?

Male 1L, discussing Title IX: The affidavit said, “Soccer is becoming more and more popular with women.” So is chocolate and crying, but you don’t see the federal government getting involved.

The joys of Con Law Seminar (part II)

Discussing the implications of Williams v Alabama (law banning the selling of adult toys) in class.

2L "the Federal Government regulates the sizes of Barbie's shoes - why can't they regulate viberators?"

3L "But what is the non-morals based rational basis for the ban?

2L:"I don't know - I think the Government could regulate the amount of voltage in a vibrator.
Think of the possible health and safety issues.

Different 3L "I just think that this shows that the people of Alabama are afraid of orgasms."

The joys of a Con Law Seminar on free speech (part 1)

Female 3L: "Just researching this topic [COPA/internet porn regulation]I get pop-ups all the time now. I mean i'll be on Westlaw and all of a sudden I get naked girls on my screen."
Con Law Prof:"Oh yeah, you're gonna lose your account."

God bless the laptop

Con Law II Prof: If you're going to do obscenity, you should have some examples, but as I said yesterday, I'm a prude. I figure you can find some on your own...

(two minutes later)

Maybe you already have.

Hot Babes!

Evidence Prof: (while holding a framed, signed picture of Jane Pauley) When you get to be my age, this is a babe.

It doesn't matter where you go

Prof.: I saw some guys out of Harvard that I wouldn't give a traffic violation to.

Robbing from the rich and the courts give it to the..

Civil Rights Professor: "There will be cases where the court will award the client $5000 in backpay and the attorney $100,000 in fees. I see no problem in that."

How to view testimony

Trial Advocacy Prof. on tactics: "[The testimony] is an attractive nuisance; you know that half-full swimming pool or the very attractive woman that you date for a few days that makes you want to kill yourself..."

At least we're not 1Ls...Part II

Nervous 1L: Ok, so assumption of risk means [blah, blah, blah].

2L: *gives a funny look to 1L*

Nervous 1L: What? Is that wrong? Oh, god, please tell me that's right?

2L: Sure. I mean, I really don't remember if it is or not.

Nervous 1L: Oh, god, I am going to get below median.

2L: You sure are. *chuckles*

Me too.

Torts Prof: “Now, let's move on to satisfaction and release. I too thought it was going to be much more fun than it really is.”

-- Overheard by anonymous

Out of the mouth of babes

K Prof: What is a surrogate mother?
1L: Basically? A womb for hire.

-- Overheard by MO'M2

Caring 1L's

1L giving a presentation on Bluebook citation: "I know you were all worried about summer jobs so I got you these." (Hands out McDonald's & Wendy's applications.)

-- Overheard by MO'M2

More Scalia Hating

Civ Pro Prof: I'm not going to say that Scalia is the champ of bad ideas . . . but they don't seem to bother him much.

Submitted by BD

reporting for duty, sir!

Prof (pausing in the middle of lecture to examine his forearm): Damn, I'm bleeding all over the place. I wonder what happened... (he fumbles with his shirt sleeve, rolling it up to examine the cut.)

3L in last row: Soda water!

Prof: Huh?

3L: Soda water will get the stain out.

Prof (looks to the door and then back at 3L): No, no. Soda water will have to wait. I can't leave my post!

Hindsight is 20/20

3L: So we thought we might have an academic planning session so you can learn about different classes and different professors.

2L: I think that’s a great idea. I wouldn’t have taken certain classes if we had one of these last year.

1L: I wouldn’t have come to law school if you’d had one earlier.

Anonymous grading? Oh, well in that case...

When professors are really informal - be prepaired for informal students.

Evidence Professor: "Mr. 2L what do you think? Is this statement getting in?
2L: "Oh. I'm sorry. Just because I was looking at you doesn't mean I was paying attention."