The life of poor law students...

Prof (passing out powerpoint packets): Does anyone else need handouts?
3L: Like money or food?

How are you defining 'we'?

Secured Transactions Professor, discussing LBOs: Well, they must have done this for a reason. We don't think all MBAs are stupid.

Only If You Sing Like Yoko

On the way to The Dakota, where John Lennon was shot.

3L: Do you think it would be in bad taste to reenact the murder?

dumb as rocks, I tell you!

Prof's old friend: What do you teach?
Prof: Oh, well, idiots mostly.

Quit

Overheard at a job interview:

Potential employer: What would you do if your client banged a 5 year old and there is DNA evidence in his anus?

Very inclusive definition

Metro sign in DC: Give up your seats for somebody with a disability

3L#1: What counts as a disability?
3L#2: The test for a disability is "would the reasonable person feel bad for you?"

Federal Rules of Ego

Trial Ad Prof: You people need to know the rules of evidence! It's like you are playing a game of chess without knowing how the pieces move!
3L: My evidence prof was useless. I don't know the rules well enough.
Trial Ad Prof: Get a Gilberts. Read Mauet. Read the rules. That's what I did. My professor didn't teach us evidence and as a trial lawyer you really need to know them.
3L #2: [Lamenting] My evidence class didn't help me at all...
Trial Ad Prof: I had Laurence Tribe. Big Name. Big Ego. Couldn't Teach Evidence. In class, it would be like, "Thanks Larry, we'd love to hear more about your time in front of the Supreme Court."

She smells funny, afterall

Crim prof: "If we don't join the cases, he'll have to do probation with 3L. And nobody wants to probation with 3L."

Come on, the job search isn't that bad...

Legal Writing Professor: “I don’t want to die choking on Donald Rumsfeld!”
Overheard by AE

clearly the aneurysm

Civ Pro prof: "Did I just have a mild aneurysm or did you change your answer halfway through that?"

Overheard by this1Lgirl

You can't be in our study group.

1L in Civ Pro: "Can you review what a forum is?"

Overheard by this1Lgirl

can you spot the res gestae?

While discussing res gestae (Excited Utterances or Spontaneous Exclaimations):

Professor asks a question loudly, angrily, and suddenly to tiny 2L girl who was obviously trying to disappear in her seat.

2L: Fuck, I don't know! He was stressed? He was scared?

Prof: Oh, did I scare you?

2L: Kinda, a little, yeah.

Prof: Awwwwww, I'm sorry. Here. VIRTUAL HUG. Don't be scared. Give me an answer.

Overheard by RS

Everybody likes excessive cologne

Constitutional Law Professor: So, how can we make U.S. v. Lopez a sexy case about individual rights?

2L: Spray the book with cologne and tell us we don't have to read it?

Overheard by RS

more potty humor

Contracts Prof: "Assent is the bathroom of contracts. The sooner we wash our hands of it and leave, the better off we are."
Overheard by hick narcissus

You never have to grow up

Contracts Prof: So, in Holman Erection v. Orville, defendant was a general contractor who...[Prof. starts snickering]
Contracts Prof: [muttering to himself] Damnit! I promised myself I wouldn't laugh.

Overheard by basic thesis

Shearing Is Caring

3L: I think I could shave a stranger's balls...but not yours.

Prosecutorial discretion

Some advice from your friendly bloggers at Overheard: do not walk around your office naked, especially if you're a prosecutor in a government building.

Depends on who you talk to

3L: Crack in your sock is better than a sock in your crack, am I right?

Are you Jewish or something?

3L: We have an ethnical duty!

analogy time, kids!

Crim Pro Prof (discussing Terry stops): Either you're seized or you're not. It's like being pregnant. You either are or you're not. You can't be a little bit seized.

Desperate. Like the Housewives.

Professor: What do you think about the woman in this case, 3L #1? Personally, what do you think of a woman who contracted away half her fortune to keep a marriage together?

3L #1: (pauses) Well, it's not really for me to judge. People do crazy things in the name of love, and I don't think it's my place to judge them for it.

3L #2: I'll judge her. She was desperate.

Tell Them What They Wanna Hear

Elder Law Professor: What do you do when faced with an elderly person who lacks capacity, yet decides they want to get married?

Student: Can't you just tell the elderly person that they're already married?

she said penis!

Health Law Prof: Well, in this case, you'd use the Woodcock-Johnson test to evaluate...
Students snicker
Prof: You know, I'm not that old. I do get the joke.
3L guy #1: Wait, is that one person or two people?
Prof: Two people.
3L guy #2: Can you just imagine if it was one person? Peter Woodcock Johnson?
Students giggle some more
3L guy #3: Wait, what's so funny?
3L girl: The fact that Guy #3 is 10 seconds behind everyone else.

Torts: An Introduction to Ambulance Chasing

Torts Prof: Law isn't about the way things really are. It's about money.

Overheard by Natalie

What if you fall asleep?

Crim prof: Reading statutes is like having sex; you can't stop in the middle.
Overheard by JV

Because slapping white ass is fun!

African American Civ Pro prof talking about a discrimination case from 1974 where they joined women and African Americans in the same class action suit

Civ Pro Prof: So you're telling me that if this were 1974, you would group me and my family, after all we have suffered through, with a bunch of white women gettin' their asses slapped in the workplace?
1L: No, not at all.
Civ Pro Prof: That's right... Because if this were 1974 and you said yes, I would have shot you son...shiiiit.

Overheard by AC

Mulder agrees

2L: You mean aliens have rights under the constitution?

Overheard by Progressio Veritas

hungrily?

Civ Pro professor, while trying to explain an issue of Subject Matter Jurisdiction: You all are looking at me like MULES at a NEW FENCE!!

Overheard by AH

Copyright laws don't bother me

During a discussion for movies that could be shown instead of The Corporation:
Business Associations Prof: The only problem with showing this movie is that everyone would have to come to the classroom and watch it because it is not readily available for rental on Netflix or Blockbuster.
2L: You could make copies of it.
BA Prof: Not without violating several different copyright laws. I had to pay licensing fees to even show The Corporation in such a large public forum. I'm not even allowed to put it on reserve in the library.
2L: I could make copies of it.

Overheard by The LawBitches

That was an insult, eh?

Immigration prof: Say your client is Canadian, so he speaks English almost like you do!

the law school casting couch

1L girl: Hey, can I talk to you for a second?

1L guy: Sure. We were just talking about sex with professors in exchange for grades.

The word you're looking for is "Smart"

Crim law professor: If the ignorance of the law defense were allowed, what kind of criminals would use it?
1L: Guilty ones?

Overheard by SA

I hate lawyers and butt boys too?

During a discussing about a trial in which an expert witness was on stand

Torts prof: And then the lawyer said, 'Isn’t it true, Doctor X, that you are nothing but opposing counsel’s BUTT BOY?'

Torts prof: I hate both those guys. I wish they’d both just die.

Overheard by Nova

What are you going to do about it?

E-mail from tax prof that has a no e-mail no internet policy during class time, sent at 9:45 am (the middle of tax class) to the students:

If you are reading this email before 10:15 am on Friday, September 29th, then you shouldn't be.


Overread by Bored in the Back Row

Lawyers shouldn't procreate with other lawyers

1L Male: So what do we include when we submit our declaration to study law?
1L female: The declaration... your birth control... and the check.

Overheard by OneHell

Is that causa, or consideration?

"What better way to secure a contract than over a steaming penis fondue."

(from the BBC)

I gotta get her number

2L guy to 3L girl: So you and that 1L were really going at it in the middle of the bar.

3L: I can't help it, I take my pants off automatically

Law School Commercials

Attorney:
Lawschool education: $50,000
Bar exam prep and test: $4,000
Four attempted assaults in your first year of practice: Priceless

Happy Yom Kippur!

3L #1: Kosher hot dogs are really bitchin'!
3L #2: They're Jewlicious!

That boring.

3L: These SBA minutes read like my Civ Pro outline!

girls gone wild

2L: I don't understand. What is the point of covering just the nipple? You're already seeing the whole breast. What difference does it make?
Non-law student: Well, clearly it matters to the FCC.
2L: But why?! Nipples are boring.
3L: My nipples aren't boring. They're *awesome*.

This hand smacks with love!

Immigration prof: You guys are like abused children.

Way to deflect a gunner comment!

Torts Prof: Was that Aristotle you just quoted?
1L: No, it’s the nutshell.

Overheard by DSE

Then what does "surf's up" mean?

Contracts Prof (discussing Undue Influence defense): The translation of "trust me" from Californian to English is "fuck you."

Overheard by hick narcissus

That's not the way to talk about your wife!

Torts prof: You oughta see my hoe. It's rusty old and tired.

Overheard by Nova

Generally it wasn't even when I started

During a Mock Deposition:

3L: Was it ever wet in there when you were finished?

Like Really, Really Bad Morning Breath

2L Guy: If I'm that relaxed when I have balls in my mouth that I'm falling asleep, I have bigger problems than the fact that I have balls in my mouth.

abort, retry, fail?

Life's Lessons

(While discussing Illinois v. McArthur)

Crim Pro Prof: Another Life Lesson: Don't piss off trailer trash.

Why buy the cow?

3L: People who are living together and having sex aren't presenting themselves as being married, they are presenting themselves as living together and having sex.

Overheard by JW

...and I'm spent.

Tax prof: You're sitting here in class paying over a $1 a minute. Have you ever paid more than a $1 a minute for anything else? Some of you might have done that for the services of doctors or lawyers. (pause) And some of you might have for paid that for some other sort of "professional."

Overheard by the LawBitches

Dry cleaning gets the blood right out

Criminal Procedure professor: I don’t know if I want to put the mic on this tie. A man who killed his brother gave me this tie. It’s a nice tie. It’s one of the benefits of being a lawyer.

Overheard by Jedidiah

Cornholio needs lots of TP if it's broken

Torts prof: You have no idea what kind of damage a broken bunghole can cause.

Overheard by Nova

It's not indoctrination, It's education

Civ Pro Prof: Now remember class--Who do we sue?
1Ls [in unison]: EVERYBODY!
Civ Pro Prof: When do we bill?
1Ls: EARLY AND OFTEN!

Overheard By Cristey

yes, your shit does smell like roses

3L: How pure and innocent are we talking here?
Non-law student: She farts Disney.

totally kills the buzz

2L: I hate smoking before war crimes.

finally, an analogy everybody understands

Con Law Professor (re: United States v. Nixon): It's like an S&M relationship where one party lets the other party dominate him, and they play until he says the code word. Only in this case, the special prosecutor didn't stop after Nixon said the code word, and that's why we have this case.
Overheard by NW

Having to pay in cents

Torts prof: It's sort of a kiss your sister kind of situation. It sounds real good, but you always end up having to pay.

Overheard by Nova

I can't wait to abuse that power!

Estate and Gift Tax prof: He did have the power to divorce his wife. That's a power that gets a lot of people through the day.

Overheard by NRN

Is that a resume in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

2L Guy: I'm frustrated with OCI. I interviewed with a lot of firms, but haven't been getting any callbacks. It's like having a lot of girlfriends, but not getting any ass. The most frustrating ones are the ones that don't reject you or call back. It's blueballs to the umpteenth degree.

Overheard by Kai

That's Code for "You're a Jackass."

Guest Speaker: (to Gunner) You're just great at breaking up rhythm aren't you?
Gunner: (Proceeds to make pointless statement, which is of course, wrong).

We Can Safely Assume She's Not Talking About Elmo

2L: No...don't lick it...just tickle it.

The secret to dealing with 1Ls

(I'm a TA for a Torts I prof. I asked him about some minor issue that a 1L was having the first week of classes)

Prof: "You need to realize that you are dealing with beginners. To them EVERYTHING is a crisis."

a little practical advice.

Prof. on his days defending criminals...

Prof :"They [prosecution] always called an insanity defense, 'a slow plead of guilty'."

Weekend plans...

1L : "I've decided. No matter what is happening on Friday i'm drinking ... ALOT."

what is it with you rapists?!

3L: So I'm taking the dog outside last night, and I realize there's a guy in the bushes. And I think: "Fuck, I really don't want to be sexually assaulted right now. I so do not have time for that and all that emotional fallout shit."

That's exactly why

1L: I don't like small group work.
1L2: Yeah, well, you're a whore.

Overheard by LCS

Until she leaves, and then a thank you text

Prof: What if a girl consents to have sex with a man only if he tells her he loves her?

1L: How long exactly would he have to love her?

Overheard by JK

Consortium is legalese for sex

2L: I suppose he could recover for loss of consortium if he was unable to go hiking with his wife as a result of his injuries.

Tax Prof.: That's not what loss of consortium means.

Overheard by NG

Like a true champion

2L Guy: Hey, aren't you proud of me?
2L Girl: For what?
2L Guy: I read for once today.
2L Guy #2: It was 4 pages!
2L Guy: Whatever. Don't take away from my achievement. I think I'm going to ditch class to celebrate.

Overheard by Kai

That's not true, think of Wickard.

Con Law Prof: You're unlikely to lean anything in this class that will help you pass the bar.

Overheard by Sparky

Damn right

Law Prof: Is the reasonable person ever drunk?

1L: Uhh... I think he should be.

Overheard by PG

Al Sharpton Did Not Endorse This Message

Prop Prof: The liberals aren’t usually the ones saying, “Efficiency! Efficiency!”... they’re saying other things...they’re saying, “Civil rights” and other stuff...other crap.

The candyman can

Crim Pro Prof: What's the best way to get things into a jail?....
Get arrested for driving without a licence, cover yourself in heroine gelcaps, open your coat and... "Hey guys. The candy store's open!"

Professors Want Excitement

Professor to 2L: How are you? Anything new or exciting?
2L: Well, if by 'exciting' you count losing electricity last night and reading Tax by flashlight...

Overheard by Emily

A venue transfer to the weight room

Civ Pro Prof: What does 1441 say?
1L: I don't know. My bookbag was too heavy to bring that book today.
Civ Pro Prof: Anybody stronger know the answer? Perhaps someone under 100 lbs who can shame him?

Overheard by Natalie

Quid Pro Quo???

Waiting for court hearing:
Client: So, do you come here often?

Oh God! That's what people say when they are hitting on someone!
Attorney: Just don't ask me my sign and we're okay.

So, what's new?

2L on phone: I'm taking Federal Income Tax and that's the most exciting thing in my life right now.

So that's why they teach classes on Con Law!

1L #1: And that's why the Patriot Act is unconstitutional.
1L #2: But Congress doesn't pass acts that aren't constitutional.

Overheard by JM.

Overheard Not in Law School

The scene: first and second year public health graduate students discussing the recent opening of a local Trader Joe's and their excitement over Two-Buck Chuck.

1st year: I can only drink two glasses of Two Buck Chuck. After that I start to feel sick.
2nd year: Why don't you just have two glasses and enjoy it then?
1st: Clearly you don't know me very well. I drink to get drunk.
2nd: What's wrong with having two glasses of wine?
1st: If I'm just going to have one beer, I rather skip it and not feel sick when the buzz wears off. I'd rather have five.
2nd: Oh, you binge drink.

constitutional protections

3L: I have to run. We're supposed to be watching a video in class.

2L: Oh? What about?

3L: The right to die.

2L: How appropriate for law school.

Silent Bob Speaks for the First Time

Usually very quiet 2L during discussion about whether to dress down or wear suits for simulations.

2L: Why don't we say we don't wear suits and if people want to be tools and wear suits they can be TOOLS!

It's all about Class

A hurried 1L with a ginormous backpack walks in and bumps one of the 3Ls standing in an elevator:

1L: Sorry about that...it's just so big and bulky
3L: Well better that then your ass.

What to do when STUPID gets to you...

3L: people are dumb and i want a blunt.

Yes.

Nonprofits prof: Stoned professors are better than straight professors.

Crim Pro definitions

Crim Pro Prof: If you can figure out what curtilage is, that's where you plant your pot.

Overheard by EW

Vicarious bicuriousity

1L #1: I'm so excited for the weekend! I already did the reading for Tuesday and I am all done with my memo.
1L #2: Oh my god, I hate you! I guess I have to live bi-curiously through you while you're having nothing but fun!

Overheard by AC

More reasons to go to Nevada

Con Law Prof: Nevada is a very libertarian state. If you want to build a nuclear power plant, near a bordello, with blackjack in the back, it will fly.

Overheard by Without Reason

good solution, BETTER solution

2L girl #1: I'm gonna go jogging at 6pm to relieve some tension. You want to come?
2L girl #2: No thanks. I'm gonna go have the shit fucked out of me at 7pm to relieve some tension.

Overheard by sign me up

Kids will be kids

Torts Prof: "In the past we saw cases where children were battering each other in typical child-like ways. You know, paperclips...shotguns..."

Overheard by Curable Triteness

Job Choices

2L #1: How did it go?
2L #2: [Just returning from an interview] It went fine...it's a stupid little job. Just filing. I wouldn't have to dress up or anything, but it's only $8.50 an hour.
2L #1: You could go to Wal-Mart and make $11

Fashion faux pas

3L male: How come in The Devil wears Prada, what's-her-face wears Gucci all the time?
3L female: How come you noticed?
3L male: That's not a question! That's an insult masquerading as a question!

He meant that ridiculously ugly sweater and tote bag set

Prof: “What was the offensive contact on the dog?”
1L: “You mean besides the bullet?”

Overheard by SA

Curiosity kills many kittens

legal writing prof: "I apologize for answering the question by saying, 'You'll know what to do when the time comes'... I suppose if that's all it took to satisfy human curiosity, then the porn industry probably wouldn't be so profitable."

Overheard by GL

It's also a lie

1L: Good Point
Torts Prof: Only kind I make.

Overheard by DSE

From Liberal To Conservative In The Blink Of An Eye

1L: It’s such bullshit. If you go to the White House website they have all these coloring-book photos of the Presidents. Most of them are portraits or drawings of them in the Oval Office. George W. Bush’s is him in a playground with a bunch of kids . . . Bill Clinton has his zipper down.

2L OCI Interviews #2

2L #1: Where are you interviewing?
2L #2: Lord, Bissel and Brock
2L #1: That's the firm that does half-litigation and half-vacuum manufacturing, right?

Is that Lavender?

A 2L hands his resume to his friend:

2L Guy #1: This is really nice paper
2L Guy #2: I went all out on the resume paper
2L Guy #1: You should spritz it up with cologne
2L Guy #2: My interviewer is a guy

I guess you didn't see High Fidelity

1L #1: I hate John Cusack
1L #2: How can you hate John Cusack?
1L #1: He’s a horrible human being. If it was between Death Row Inmates and John Cusack, I pick the inmates every time.

self-referential irony

The scene: sexually harassing 3L guy is attempting to chat up two attractive 1L women during the first week of class.

3L guy: You have to watch out in law school. There are lots of shady people.