Not the point of the 24/7 attorney.

1L #1: dude, what happened to you last night?

1L #2: i went to bed. at least i tried to go to bed, but 1L #3 kept drunk texting me to tell me that he drunk dialed Westlaw.

Submitted by Anonymous

(Abuse of the Westlaw 24/7 365 attorney has occurred before here on Overheard)

Welcome Back!

Professor: “Do you really think Ebeneezer Scrooge gives gifts to people?”
Student: “Well, he did at the end.”
Professor: “Screw you. Don’t fight my hypo.”

Professor: (referring to practice of parties holding fire rods, and whoever held the longest won the contract suit): “It’s a wonderful institution and it caused a lot of people to have burned hands. You might get Blackacre, but you’ll be called Stumpie for the rest of your life.”

Submitted by Anonymous

Because law students need to pray sometimes...

Scene: priest giving a sermon at Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve

Priest: You all know what original sin is. That even the youngest baby is sinful. Think of a crack baby.

Fun with the BA Prof

BA Prof: They’ve asked me to moderate, which makes perfect sense since I’m so moderate --The very model of the modern moderate moderator.

BA Prof: …regardless, or as they say in New Jersey, irregardless…

BA Prof: I may not be a nice guy, but I am ethical. Or at least I’m not unethical.

Submitted by TI

Overlooked Evidence

Evidence prof: Examples of assertions are a common signal, such as nodding; a physical response to a question, such as pointing to someone; or conduct as code, such as "one if by land, two if by sea," or "if I give you a thumbs up, I don't need a ride home."

Evidence prof: now, a common signal response to the question, "Is Harvey drunk?" might be a nod; a physical response to the question might be pointing to the tequila bottle and then to the floor...

Submitted by Jaime

Gems from State & Local Prof

S&L Prof, on urban sprawl: If I were an urban terrorist, I think I’d start with malls.

S&L Prof: You can’t swim nude in your swimming pool, which is a real bummer. (Pause) I don’t have a swimming pool, but it sounds to me like a bummer.

Submitted by TI

Pre-finals confidence

Beefy 2L pre-BA final in the men's room: I'm gonna fuck that test until it loves me.
Skinny 2L recipient of said comment: (silence)

Submitted by TI

Irrefutable evidence

Employment Law Prof: So how would you tell if someone was smoking marijuana on the job, what would you look for?
3L: Doritos.

Submitted by Michele S.

Poll

Hey Overheard readers,
Since all of us are nowhere near our respective law schools right now to overhear anything of importance (and by importance I of course mean quotable tidbits), the question to the readers is this:

Should we continue to blog funny things overheard at say, family dinners? Or should we take a hiatus until the end of break? It's your call. E-mail or comment here directly and let us know.

Thanks and happy holidays from your nosy friends at Overheard.

Grab Bag of Overhearing

[Con Law Prof forgets to turn off e-mail noticifaction voice]
Computer: You have a message from John Smith.
Con Law Prof: Well, that is just so embarrassing. Thank god that wasn't one of those enhance your penis size emails. I must get at least four or five of those a day. I mean, HOW MUCH do they know about me anyway?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dumb Blonde #1: What was the intent of the framers in writing the Constitution...what were they trying to achieve?
Dumb Blonde #2: I don't know...something having to do with like, uniting the states or something, right?
Dumb Blonde #1: What are the three branches of government laid out in the Constitution?
Dumb Blonde #2: Uhhhhh...the President, courts and stuff...and...uhhhh...something with the environment? Like preserving animals and shit?
Dumb Blonde #1: When laws are interpreted for constitutionality, do judges take into account the intent of the framers?
Dumb Blonde #2: Oh hell no....I mean, the framers were just a bunch of old guys...it would be WAY too hard to take all of those dude's different opinions and like, make one thing out of them. I mean, duh!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[Con Law Prof shows picture of gas station called The Lubritorium]: Can you imagine taking your car there? It sounds like it would get lubed up from every side.
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Guy to Girl: Can you speak up?
Girl: It's written on the board
Guy: I can't see the board...Jackass
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[Prof rooting around under podium to try to get a video cued up]: Wait a minute folks, I'm having a hard time getting it up.
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[Discussion about Miscegenation Laws and which states had them in 1965.]
Guy in front row: Texas.
Prof: Why?
Guy: I don't know...because they're Texas and it just seems like something that would happen there. I mean, it's Texas...and that's all I should have to say.
Girl: Oklahoma
Prof: Why?
Girl: Because it's next to Texas...I mean, they're bascially the same place.
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[Student gets called on the first day of school]: I'm sorry, I don't do homework assignments over the summer break so I didn't do the reading.
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[Prof explaining that over the summer he does Animal Rights work]: Hi, I'm Bob and I do animals.

Submitted by Energy Spatula

Caged 2L girls

2L #1: Oh look, it's a little one and he has his exam!
2L #2: Where, where!!
2L #3: Awwwwww.

(frightened 1L runs from the 2L girls in the "cage")

That is the Best Way to Get at it

Con Law II Prof [While talking about Lawrence v. Texas, Gay Marriage and Sodomy]: Let me get at this backwards.

Best away message EVER

[2L] loses his Lexis Nexis password, is forced to call customer service. The following conversation ensues:

Lexis Nexis rep: well, your security question was spouse's name.
2L: I don't even have a spouse!
Rep: This is pretty funny, actually.
2L: What did I say, Shawn Kemp or something?
Rep: (after determining that 2L was indeed the 2L in question): You wrote "I will kill you."

-- Stolen from Brian.

you have strange study skills...

2L #1: Hey, check it out, I think I pulled a tendon in my finger.
2L #2: That's GROSS.

Contracts Prof: Mr. [student's name], please tell us about the next case.
1L: Yeah...I have to be honest, I'm still drunk from last night. I'm gonna have to pass.

Torts Prof: So, let's say you get a client with a similar problem, what would you do?
1L: I'd call Jim Sokolove. (editor's note: He's got commercials everywhere )

Trademarks Prof. [holding a poster of a pregnant girl scout]: I was going to tell you I was going to mount her...but that just sounded wrong.

Conlaw Prof [taking attendance]: Do we have a quorum?
2L: We have a minyan.

Evidence Prof: You know, I know you're all on instant messenger. I see one of you on this side of the room laughing and then, suddenly someone all the way over here is laughing.

Labor Prof: This arbitrator was tokin' some weed before he heard this case. In fact, that's gonna be one of the questions on the exam. "Was [arbitrator's name] tokin' on some weed before he heard this case?" The easy answer is yes.

Justice Kennedy: Wow, your school requires Conlaw? That's impressive! My school never did that!
2L: Where did you go to school?
Justice Kennedy: Harvard.

Conlaw Prof: When I first started teaching, one student wrote in his evaluation that I had nice legs.

Labor Prof: I dyed my hair since last we met. That's why I look different. My wife told me not to tell you, but I figured you may want to know what's different about me. I don't really know why I'm telling this to you all.

-- Submitted by 3L Carrie

Finals-time quotestravaganza, Monday edition

Evidence prof (while discussing the need for scientific expert testimony and the frye test): Many of us went into law because we were incapable of being trained in science and physics.

-- Submitted by Jaime

International Law prof: There's a Latin phrase for it, but my Latin's a little rusty. Which is to say, I don't speak Latin.

-- Submitted by Melanie

Sports law prof: If T.O. needs to smoke some weed to be happy, we should just keep him happy.

2L: (explaining why there was a large homosexual population in San Francisco): Its more accepting, its safer...
Law and Sexuality Prof: And it was the only place to get laid.

Ethics prof: If you ever find yourself moving shotguns and money for a client , your plan is probably not airtight

-- Submitted by Melissa

Fun with Melissa's ConLaw Prof

ConLaw Prof: They say that he died years ago and what you're seeing is really animatronic Cheney
2L: I believe that
ConLawProf: I dont, evil never dies

In re: 1st Amendment
ConLaw Prof: You have beaver shots, can I say beaver shots? Playboys have nude women, and hustler has beaver shots, is there a polite way of saying that?

ConLaw Prof: Handsome men in hunky poses oiled up, now THAT can get interesting!

ConLaw Prof: if you're ever bored and want you prurient interests appealed to, read state obscenity statutes, they're explicit.

ConLaw Prof: Apparently bestiality is big, I didn't even know it was possible until I came to law school, who knew?

ConLaw Prof: There are apparently a group of people that like to be peed on, and another group that likes sexual fun with defacatory matter.

ConLaw Prof: it's not considered lewd to display the penis in its flaccid state, which is how you gals are used to seeing it right?

ConLaw Prof: Today is obscenity day…all the words your mother didn't want you to say, we're saying them.

Con Law Prof: They had the Friday afternoon dirty movie in the Supreme Court…..someone had to screen these things.

ConLaw Prof: you have lots of bondage and S&M, I'm not so sure whether the average person finds manacles sexy

ConLaw Prof: 1973…everyone is getting stoned and having sex…..so it's not shocking to the Woodstock people but it is to rural Georgia

-- Submitted by Melissa

Overheard in a bar while procrastinating

The scene: women's restroom in a popular law school hangout bar. Two sets of feet are visible in handicapped stall.

Voice from handicapped stall: "Hold still! I'm trying to pick something out of your ass!"

On picking classes for next semester

2L: I decided to take Prof. X's class. He's a bad person, but at least he's a good teacher.

Except for the gunners here

(large square drawn on the board represents Blackacre)
Property Prof: You have to have a functional outline. So, here's your outline (draws another large square on board)...which looks a lot like Blackacre... because they're not drawn to scale.