Romance

1L #1: Are you doing anything special for Valentine's Day for your girl?
1L #2: I don't know...maybe give her a call.

Grab bag from Melissa

Wills Professor: You actually need very little competency to be married, you can be a real bliterhing idiot and mutter "I do."

Prof of Ancient Athenian Law: If you haven't seen groundhog day, go see it. It has nothing to do with Athenian law.

Prof of Ancient Athenian Law: what do you want to talk about? Theft? Kidnapping?

Student: rape

Professor: sure, always a cheery topic!

Trademarks Professor: It's like ping and pong, Iliad and the Odyssey, §8 and §15.

Overheard by Melissa

Not Overheard, but definitely overread.

There's a tax appeals court case called "Appeal of Cock" from 1925. The cite is 1925 WL 496.

Overheard by TI

Amen

Torts Prof: Thank God for the stupid people who keep us in business.

Overheard by Anonymous #40593222

I hope this doesn't happen to me

Professor (discussing labor law): We're lawyers! this is what we do! This is better than an orgasm! I'm so old I don't remember what those things are!

Overheard by M

Experts on Everything

There has been a discussion about the point of prosecuting a woman who happens to have seeds and stems, but not leaves of marijuana plants.

Drugs in the Law Prof: Do you prosecute the woman for having seeds?

Student: I guess it depends - do you smoke seeds? Can you smoke seeds?

Prof: Of course you can! It causes a horrible burning sensation in your throat, but you can smoke it. As for the stems - you can brew them and make a great tea, only it gives you a really bad upset stomach.

Overheard by CKC

Prawperty Law Extravaganza

2L: Property is like a soap opera... you can tune out for three weeks and still know what's going on. Well, that, and I think the lead character (the professor) has amnesia...

-- Overheard by The BLS

***
1L: If we're talking about the over-all value to society, it'd be best to kill all homeless people!
Property Prof: Well, it might cause some disutility to the homeless person, right?

-- Overheard by Anonymous

***
Property Prof: Well, what is the principle that Marshall has extracted from Johnson?
Student: That when white people agree on something, it's the rule.

-- Overheard by SLS1L

***

Oh, but you are!

2L #1: You have to RSVP so I know how much food to make.
2L #2: I don't want to RSVP. I want to be a surprise.

Probably not what he meant to say

Property prof: I've been given the middle finger so many times in my life, I've never even thought of suing for it.


Later that same class:

Prof: I didn't mean to cut you off.
1L: It's ok, I've been cut off many times before.
Prof: Just the way I've been fingered several times before.

Submitted by Homie B.

But then there'd be no torts hypos.

Torts prof: Children! Damn children! The world would be much better off if there were no children!

Submitted by LB

Abstract interpretation

(Looking at the clock, which is usually really off)
Prof: Now I don't know what time it is...
Usual Suspect 2L (interrupting): Well that depends on what you believe about time, or if you believe in time, or if time itself is relative, or...
Prof: I think what matters is what time the Registrar thinks I should begin class.

International Law and 24

International Law Prof: Once the missile is in the air, you can't stop it
2L: Jack Bauer could.

Real Life Contract Drafting

Prof: (Explaining Recitals in contract drafting) Sometimes, the reliance brings in torts for damages by showing unequal footing to start. Britney and Kevin are getting married. Britney is worth tons of money; Kevin is worth nothing!
2L: But he has a new song out!

Classes of Yesteryear

Evidence Prof: Someone told me to take Wills and Trusts; we called it Death and Greed.

We really should look into getting satellites...

LLM #1: So this cat comes out of a hole and if he sees his shape, then winter will last longer.
LLM #2: How can a cat not know his shape? This is how Americans predict the weather?

civil disobedience

Prof (after getting through C while taking attendance): Oh, the hell with this. Everyone's here. I can stand up to authority.

International Trade Law Shenanigans

Professor: Now, what is C going to say about this? In plain terms...

Student: Shenanigans...

Professor: Well, that wasn't exactly the word I was thinking of, but Yes - Discriminatory Shenanigans.

Submitted by MJ

At least HE gets it

2L Professor (explaining attendance policy): You're allotted 2 absences per credit hour. That's 8 absences, which allots you room for sickness, emergencies... and the occasional hangover.

Submitted by the BLS

Civ Pro Prof: OK, what are the elements of negligence that the plaintiff needs to prove? You should know this from Torts last semester...
1L #1: Proximate Cause, Duty, Negligence..ummm..
Civ Pro Prof: Huh? You have to prove negligence in order to prove negligence?
1L #2: Don't worry, we didn't get it either.
Civ Pro Prof: You want me to tell Torts Prof that you didn't get it?
1L #2: He read my test answers. He already knows.

Submitted by CS

Professor R Strikes Again

Excerpts from the recent law clinic meeting:

Prof R: Uncle R's Rules of Legislation: Any law named after a dead kid is probably a bad law.

Prof R: Bless you, my child.

Prof R: In an abysmally stupid--strike that. In an unusual decision, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court decided...

Prof R: ...And those are the best custody battles of all. Mom versus her own mom. Blood on the mat. No contesto.

Submitted by SunCynic