OOOOOO Snap!

Intern #1: So, Bush vetoed stem-cell research. I guess he just doesn't care about anyone with a disease at all.
Intern #2: Yeah, Michael J. Fox was livid about it.
Intern #1: Really? Was he shaking?
Intern #3: Oooooooooo! SNAP!

it's all about antecedents, kids

Labor attorney (getting off the phone): So they kicked him out!
Consulting attorney: I don't understand. Why would they kick a contractor out of his own office?
LA: Not the contractor! The cat!
CA: Huh?
LA: They kicked the cat out of the groomer's! Have you ever heard of such a thing?!
CA: Um, no. What cat?
LA: My cat! They're kicking him out of the groomer's and I have to go get him!
CA: Okay, I really have no idea what we're talking about. I thought we were talking about this contractor who was leaving before the contract was up? And now we're talking about...your cat?
LA: Yes.
CA: Okay, we're going to have to work on that stream of consciousness thing before we go before the judge.

No Spin Zone

Professor: [In a review session] Remember the importance of fee arrangements...
3L: Professor, Why is this...important?

Reading Your Answer in Class

Rising 3L #1: The kid is literally reading the problem out of the book word for word
Rising 3L #2: That he is
Rising 3L #1: And what's worse, he can't even do that
Rising 3L #2: Education doesnt fix stupid

Lawyers and their Toys

Partner: I'm giving up on my worthless Treo. Order me a Blackberry
Senior Associate: Ooooo...it'll be new and shiny.
Partner: Can I customize the colors on that? I'm thinking the colors of Mexico
Secretary: I'll look into it
Senior Associate: You can also have the ringtone of the Mexican Song of Independence...
Partner: Can I get it in the colors of the Mexican Flag?
Secretary: I've got nail polish and time to kill

This Post Is Not About Condoms

Two 2L's wandering through the Egypt section of the British Museum in London

2L#1, looking at a giant sculpture of a head: This is Ramses II.

2L#2: He kind of looks like Ramses VII to me.

2L#1, looking at a second giant sculpture: This one is Ramses VI. You know, you're right...they do look similar. In fact all the Ramses look the same...see, that's why you can't take me anywhere...I need to stop being racist.

Now that is friendship!

Players: Plaintiff's counsel; Defendant's counsel; Plaintiff's witness; Court Reporter

Plaintiff's counsel: I'm done.

D counsel: I'm just going to ask you a few questions.

Witness: Okay.

D Counsel: Did you discuss this deposition with anyone prior to today?

Witness: Yes, your client offered me $500.00 not to show up.

Overheard by Insolvent Esq

It must be one of those goth bars

Barbri prof: "None of you are going to commit necrophila on the bar... It's just unnatural."

Overheard by MG

One Hand in My Pocket

Crim Pro Prof: If you knew that a fellow law student had a bag of coke in their pocket would you have a legal obligation to report it?

Class: ...

Crim Pro Prof: No! Don't do that. We'd lose half of our law students.

Overheard by "There's No Competition in Law School"

All graduated and you're still not cool

Plaintiff's atty #1, closing arguments: Tip the scales of justice here people. Tip all the evidence that this death was accidental (leans whole body over to the left) against all the evidence that it's suicide (leans a tiny bit to the right, but still hangs left) . Clearly my client wins, if you just look at the scale.

Defense atty #1 (whispered): What a goddamn tool. Douchebag.

Lather, rinse, repeat

Prosecutor: Look, your client can plead, that's not a problem. But there's a mandatory loss of license for a year on this charge.
Defense counsel: We can't do a 6 month suspension instead?
Prosecutor: No. There's a mandatory minimum.
Defense counsel: What about the fine?
Prosecutor: We're going to recommend the minimum, no problems there.
Defense counsel: So the fine plus a 6 month suspension.
Prosecutor: What part of mandatory minimum do you not understand?
Defense counsel: I thought this was a plea negotiation.
Prosecutor: And if he pleads, he loses his license for a year.
Defense counsel: But why not six months?
Prosecutor: I give up.

Sorry Your Honor, But My Grandmother Died...Again.

Ethics Prof: Don't tell the same judge each time you need a continuance that your grandmother died. If you need to get more time, just give him the names of different people.

Overheard Goes Abroad...

Summer Associate: So will the Czech's riot after the game?
Czech Associate: No. That's really more of a French thing.
***
Czech Associate: No, he's not gay, he's just British.
***
British Associate: You can't be American. You're not fat enough.
***
Unknown Nationality Associate: I fucking hate Italians. No, seriously, I want to physically injure them.

License to Fondle?

Legal Intern after discussing a case of a chiropractor losing license for massaging the vaginas of four clients:
"How do you do that? I'm sorry miss, but your vagina is out of alignment; I can fix that."

Clients After Law School

Ethics Professor on Advising Clients: Maybe you have lost touch with normal people while you've been in law school. When you get into practice, let's face it, many of your clients are going to be really, really stupid.

It's too late to stop now!

Barbri Torts Prof: "If you're using drugs, don't stop between now and the bar - wait until August, and then find a program."

Overheard by Melissa

It's a room full of love too!

Torts Professor (on battery): "Pretend I went up and down the aisles here, saying hi to each of you, and as I did that, I stroked your hair. That's a room full of battery. We don't pet each other, it's not normal."

Overheard by Carrie

An accidental mini PR lesson

While reading the instructions before a Property exam

Proctor: If you're gonna cheat, be smart. Don't let me catch you.

Overheard by Matt

Lexis hasn't added that feature yet

Att. 1: What are you wroking on?
Att. 2: A speech for the representative.
Att. 1: What is that?
Att. 2: The Holy Roman Bible. He wants to quote scripture for a church speech on juvenile justice reform and community building. I just threw in a scripture from Isiah.
Att. 1: Did you shepardize that?

Overheard by GP

Paralegals: What would we do without them?

Head Attorney to Paralegal: What's my cell phone number?
Paralegal: Just one second....(states number)