first, the paternity test

3L: So is it possible that a really unscrupulous plaintiff's lawyer would say a couple was married and claim loss of consortium even if they weren't.

Pretrial Practice Prof: Well, it's possible. But at some point during discovery, you're likely to interview or depose the wife. If two people come in wearing wedding rings and say they're married, you're likely to believe them. If you have doubts, you can always ask for a copy of the marriage certificate.

3L: Oh, okay.

PPP: Well, unless you're in litigation with Anna Nicole Smith. Then get everything in writing.

Prof 1, 2L 0

A hypo involving charging a sexually molested 14 year old for murdering his captor:

2L: I don't know, maybe there is political fallout if we don't charge the kid, is it an election year?
Crim Pro Prof: God, you're such a tool!

Prosecutors are super important.

Crim Pro Prof: Nobody wins felony possession cases. If you're a felon, and you're in possession of a weapon, you lose. The prosecutor wins every time. My dog, who is eleven and has dementia, could win these cases. If only she could figure out how to open the door and get the felon on the stand, I'm telling you she could win. And she can't see.

I'd do anything for love

1L girl: So you're not seeing [girlfriend] anymore? What happened?
2L guy: Well, I kind of dicked her over.
1L girl: Of course you dicked her over. You're going to be a lawyer. That's what we do.

Legal Writing: Destroyer of Dreams

As the first paper assignments are being handed back with professor’s comments written on them:

3L #1: I got a ‘Good’
3L #2: I got a ‘Drop out of law school’

a little crack never hurt anyone....

Crim Pro class talking about search warrants.

2L: well, if there was crack cocaine they couldn't just go looking for that...
Prof: Well, let's put the crack cocaine aside - you can keep your crack cocaine for now....crackhead.

one way or another

Discussing loss of consortium claims in the context of wrongful termination.

3L: Wait, how can you get loss of consortium for the spouse when the employee's not injured, just out of a job?
2L: Maybe emotional distress leads to ED...which leads to loss of consortium?
3L: ED causing ED. I like it.
2L: Better than ED causing VD.

don't try this in civ pro, kids

The scene: dinner, where people are relating goofy stories about their childhood.

Woman: When I was in elementary school, I brought my father's bong to school for show and tell. It was glass, and pretty, and had butterflies swirling all around it. I thought it was beautiful, so I brought it in and said I didn't know what it was. I was very confused when they sent me to the office and called my parents to come fetch it and me.

3L: Wait, the school administration let your father take his bong back?

Man: Sure, they're perfectly legal for smoking tobacco. You're a law student and you don't know this?

Announcing the iStrudel

2L #1: i think apple should buy volkswagen. they have the same clientele.
2L#2: good call.
2L#1: but what should their name be? how about strudel? it combines germany and apples!

Vote Early, Vote Often, and Become a Judge

Prof: "Just so you know, being a good judge has nothing to do with being a good lawyer...especially in Cook County"

Exploding Toasters, Pharmaceuticals and Bears - Oh My!

3L #1: Is Products Liability a good class?
3L #2: Oh yeah. It's gory like Torts. People are always getting mauled by bears and stuff.
3L #1: Um?
3L #2: Wait. Probably not, since bears aren't products. ...but mechanical bears are.

Overheard by Friend of Dorothy

Forward Thinking

3L: "I wonder if the suicide rate goes up during the Bar Exam period?"

what if you are singing to the toilet?

Criminal Procedure class discussing whether there is an expectation of privacy in a bathroom stall.

2L #1: well, you expect people can see your feet - and that some sounds might be heard...
Prof: What if there are two sets of legs in there? What should the officer do?
2L #2: Knock and annouce?

How to gather fingerprints, take 1

Evidence prof: Sometimes when you drown, the skin sloughs off and then you get a floater!

freedom fries, anyone?

3L #1 (coming back from the snack bar): Anyone want some pita chips and hummus?
3L #2: No thanks.
3L #3: No, I do not want any of your Islamofacist food.

is kevorkian out yet?

law student #1: Oh, that's sad, they euthanized Barbaro this morning.
law student #2: isnt it strange that when they euthanize animals it's sad, but when they do it to people everyone gets pissed off?

Is a fetus unfair prejudice?

2L: well, you might have things on the table from other cases...
Evidence Prof: Yeah, you don't want them to show a picture with items from other cases, like hand grenades and dead babies....

Lesson Learned?

Evidence Prof: I cut my finger working in my woodshop the other day on my jointer, you can bet I won’t do that again.
Student: But you still use your jointer.
Evidence Prof: Yeah, but it scares me, there’s still blood on the floor.

I've Got Nothing to Hide...Except.....

Crim Pro Prof: If you have nothing to hide do you just let the police go through your house?
Student #1: if you've got nothing to hide then who cares. Leave the windows wide open, save money on air conditioning.
Student #2: You can still have things to hide that aren't illegal.

An old quote but a good one

3L (1L at the time): If there was an earthquake, and your house fell into the crack, would you adversely possess everything in that crack?