Eh. Is that a term of art?

Prior to discussion on the Bower and Lawrence cases

Con Law 2 Prof (a british guy so imagine the accent): "Sodomy is (pause for effect) something that leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a pain in the butt."

Holy Times

Evidence Prof: What does this DWI infer?

2L: Festiveness?

Evidence Prof: Mardi Gras is over. We’re into Lent; the glass is half empty.

Whew!

Prof: So what about these fornication laws? You know they are still on the books...
Student: Um....
Prof: Oh, don't worry. They don't enforce them. You shouldn't worry.

They made a movie about that?!?

Constitutional Law Professor (discussing Watergate): And why did the Campaign to Re-elect the President break into the Watergate Hotel, Ms. 2L?

Ms. 2L: (pause) I don't know. You've got me at a part where I forget how it went in the movie.

At least we're not 1Ls anymore...

(Girl in library crying, quietly, with friend trying to comfort her while still working on her laptop.)
Crying 1L: This school has ruined my fucking life.
Working 1L: At least you won't have to be a lawyer forever.
Crying 1L: Huh?
Working 1L: I mean, we'll die someday. That'll feel good, right?

Ignorance is bliss...

(After a review session for a final exam)
2L: You need to relax. Look how calm I am.
2L #2: You're only calm because you weren't paying attention.

Sign me up for THAT kind of Advocacy!

2L (discussing a Trial Advocacy assignment): Yeah, so it's a relatively easy assignment.
Disgruntled 2L: ...YOU'RE easy!
2L: Well, that's not a secret!

Feisty again today

Crim Pro Prof: "What should a reasonable crack possesser answer when the officer can feel the rock during a Terry frisk? That's easy. 'It's a gumball!'"

---
2L: "Doesn't all of this seem totally freaky and Orwellian, all Big Brother is watching you?"
Crim Pro Prof: "No shit!"

---
2L (the same as above): "I don't understand how a gamma ray machine or whatever could ever replace a pooch. I mean an officer can say it does, but it's still not a pooch."
Crim Pro Prof: "So the gamma ray machine doesn't lick your hand, so what?"

There Goes Your A

Bald Prof: 1L #1, I’d just like to say I like your hat. I have nothing else for you, but that’s a fine looking hat.

1L #1: Thank you.

Bald Prof: 1L #2, you’re not wearing a hat, so I can’t compliment you on it…I’ll have to ask you a few questions instead.

1L #2: I do have nice hair…you could compliment me on that.

Bald Prof: That is the most insensitive thing anyone has ever said to me!

On Trial Strategy...

Trial Advocacy Prof: "Let me tell you what I would do...no...let me tell you what an attorney with a normal ego would do..."

The right to remain silent...

Trial Advocacy Prof: "You have the 5th amendment right to remain silent, at least for the next couple of days. That is until they change it to be a violation of the Patriot Act."

oooh! that's way better than a contingent fee!

I gotta get me one of these.

Hat tip: Majikthise

law students at lunch

2L: Oh, you got Cheetos. Those look really yummy.

1L: Yeah, I went up to the vending machine thinking I wanted chocolate, but then I saw Cheetos and thought "I must have partially hydrogenated soybean oil!"

perhaps these comments are related?

Guy #1: So [friend] was trying to tape that girl he's been seeing naked, so he left his web cam on. The only thing on it is her yelling "Why is the fucking red light on? Are you taping me, you pervert?!"

Guy #2: Dude, that's so funny. I wanna try that.

Guy #1: Yeah, well, he tried it with a law student. Don't try it with one of those girls. They'll, like, sue you or something.

Several minutes pass...

Guy #2: I'm still mad about our grades on that exam.

Guy #1: Me too! I can't believe we were dead last.

Bolstering the Witness???

*After pulling a chair out for girl returning to class from using the restroom*
Evidence Prof (aside): Teacher of the Year!

Show us your ...

2L#1 (male): [2L#2 (female)], I would have expected you to be wearing way more beads than you are right now.
2L#3 (female): If I had a dollar for every time I've seen [2L#2]'s boobs...
2L#1: Well technically I've never seen them; the lights were off...
2L#2: Now now, those were my shoulder blades. Try to tell the difference next time, ok?

What a future awaits!

Prof (talking about Anna Nicole Smith's appearance before the Supreme Court): So she marries this guy and he's like 96 or something. But you know what? He used to be a law professor. So there's something for me to look forward to!

Serious material defects

Discussing a hypothetical in which Nicolas Cage buys a $450,000 car:

Writing Prof: "A $500 part on a $450K car? You're going to renig because of a $500 part? Suck it up and deal, Nicolas Cage!"

and later in the same class:

Writing Prof: Before you finish that contract, you must put in a clause that assures you that Nic Cage was not stoned when he agreed to buy the car.

BA Faux Pas

Corporations Prof: "So, this was a tough issue. You can see the Delaware court was groping with a way around the 'business purpose' rule. Groping? Did I say groping? I meant grappling..."

Overheard by Grace

Menagerie

From a 1L Criminal Law class, discussing a dog-mauling case:

Prof: "There was even evidence which suggested that the defendants had a sexual relationship with the dogs in question...and that they had an adoptive son...who may also have been involved in that particular menage. Or, if you like, menagerie."

Overheard by kommishoner

Overheard at Quinnipiac University School of Law

Property Professor trying to get the class to tell him the history of the U.S.

Property Professor: Ok so the English came over, and then what happened?
Class: Silent
Property Professor: Who has been to Williamsburg?
Property Professor: Ahhh yes Mr. 1L!
1L: Oh, I was just raising my hand to say that yes, I've been to Williamsburg.

Property Professor: Oooookkkkaaayyy. Well, did you learn anything while you were there?

1L: No, I didn't actually.

Property Professor: Ooooookkkkkaaay.

1L: I really mostly golfed and ate pancakes.

Overheard by SR

History degrees ARE useless

International law class, the Professor calls on a student to give the facts of a late 1940's, early 1950's case:

ILP: What was important going on at this time?

Student: Oh, there was some war.

ILP: Some war?

Student: Yea, some war... Oooooh, World War II.

-- Overheard by lawbrat

We're Better than Jesus

Overheard in lawyering class:

"I don't know why our client hides things from us. We're like his priests, except we can actually fix things."

-- Overheard by FYKL

We'll All Get Through This Together

1L: Uhh…umm…uhh…

Crim Law Prof: Come on, just say something, so we can all make fun of you and move on.

Alito and...

Professor: Maybe the right-to-die issues are just a bit closer to where the Supreme Court Justices sit than abortion or homosexual sodomy. Well, maybe not closer than homosexual sodomy.

Think first, speak later

While discussing the ethics of lying to the Unabomber in order to obtain apsychiatric analysis against his direction...

PR Prof: "I feel like I could write some futuristic novel where this is our hero, the Unabomber... I haven't exactly thought out the screenplay."

-- Overheard by livinginthelaw

The real reason for Spring Break

Civ Pro Prof: This is so out of character for me, but I'm actually going onvacation over Spring Break. Usually I just stay here and feel sorry for myself,then when you all get back, I call on people with tans.
-- Overheard by Chutch (please welcome said author as the 1st of 3 new permanent posters!)

Some say ambulance chaser, I say crusader for the little guy

A practicing adjunct professor and civil rights attorney on how to make it rich:

"I used to do a lot of housing cases because they were easy. You send in a tester and bam! You win a lot of money. Easy Money!"

Expert Toker?

Evidence Text Book Note: See United States v. Johnson, 575 F.2d 1347, 1360 (5th Cir.1978) (An experienced user, who "had smoked marijuana over a thousand times," was permitted to testify that a certain marijuana came from Columbia. "He based his identification upon the plant's appearance, it's leaf buds, stems, and other physical characteristsics, as well as upon the smell and the effect of smoking it.")

I feel used

Exerpted from a 1L's notes:

1L: "Prof. L– not too bad for a prof... actually kind of hot... but soooo married!"
1L, in a follow-up on the previous note during the next class: "Prof laski from Saved By The Bell The College yrs?"

Over...written by MO'M

Conservative Con Law Prof?

CCLP: "Liberals wake up in the morning and try to figure out how to make the world better... conservatives wake up and say 'thank god i wasnt stabbed overnight... everything's okay.'"

CCLP, Introducing class to his judicial philosophy: "I am more Borkian....than Bork."

CCLP: “The one thing you gain in law school that is useful to being a lawyer is a higher tolerance for personal embarassment…I mean, you have to be able to stand up in a courtroom and say ‘OJ is innocent.’”

CCLP: “Government is dangerous; that’s why we should have as little of it as possible.”

CCLP, Discussing McCulloch: “My tax is unconstitutional? Your whole goddamn bank is unconstitutional, and so is your mother!”

CCLP: “That’s as commercy as commerce gets!”

-- Overheard by CLK

But I imagine Blackacre with a rich baritone.

Prof: "Properties don't really talk to eachother. You know that, right?"

Well, it concerns me

Prof: "Property doesn't drink beer, people do. If my neighbor brings over beer for the express purpose of pouring it on the ground, maybe we could say it meets the touch and concern requirement."

JOIN US.... JOIN US!!!

Out of the goodness of my heart, I am asking for three (3) new permanent posters who promise to eavesdrop to the best of their abilities.

I will only let you be a permanent poster if:

• You promise to post twice a week.
  
• The posts must be remotely amusing.
• You keep a "you have to be there to understand" to a minimum.
• You have either sent me a quote already (link me to when it was posted) OR send me a new one.
• You introduce yourself to me in the e-mail. Name, year in school, school. I won't lie, I'm looking for 1Ls and 2Ls because 3Ls don't give a shit anymore. I don't blame them. In fact, I envy them. As with law school in general, I will choose you based on the school you go to. I am looking for some ivy leaguers to give this blog some cred. Just kidding, because I already have two. BOO-YAH. I'm looking for people from different schools than those represented already. For the number of you from Indiana who e-mail me, there's got to be one of you who wants permanent posting privileges.

If I get more than 3 people requesting posting privileges, I will post your quotes and we will judge you via comments.

Out of the badness of my heart, if you have permanent posting privileges already and have not posted in the past month, you may be dropped (with notice). If you don't want posting privileges anymore, let me know. I want more posts and I want them now.

Your admin,
LiserDoesLaw

The truth comes out

Crim Pro II Professor referring to his own lecture:This lecture really blows. And I don't mean that in a sexual way.

Overheard by HS

The best kind of friends

1L: well, they were “friends”

Civ Pro Prof: Friends with benefits! That’s a relatively new term for me. We didn’t have that when I was your age. I mean, we had it, we just didn’t call it that.

-- Overheard by WLE

Tell me about it

Straight 1L guy: It's wierd enough waking up next to a dude, not to mention it being a different guy than you thought you were sleeping with.

-- Overheard by Chutch

Pre-Roberts and Alito days

2L (discussing Justice Scalia's opinions): Scalia flames other people! He even flames other justices! I bet he doesn't eat lunch with the other Justices.

2L #2: Nah, he's the bully that's stealing Justice Souter's lunch money.

Overheard by the BLS

Property Grab Bag

Property Prof.: You have a 50/50 chance on this one...it's either yes or no.
1L: I'm gonna go with yes.
Property Prof.: Is there a shorter and more accurate answer?

Overheard by Chutch
--

Property prof: Why do I have to do this?

1L: Because you get paid.

Property prof: All right, I get paid. But that isn't why I do this...I do this because I love you.

Overheard by Homie
--

oh, the shame

Westlaw Student Rep #1: I'm so disappointed with myself! I missed a trivia question.

Westlaw Student Rep #2: It's okay, I missed two, but I feel really bad about it.

I am the king!

Prof: Why is this case the most important ever to be decided by the Supreme Court? Go to 552, footnote 23. Read all the way to the end. There I am! I'm finally cited in the majority opinion. No longer in the dissent. I was so tired of being nothing but a sex object!

Weekend Plan

2L Guy: My weekend is going to be crazy..

2L Girl: Mine is too, papers to write, men to fuck, etc.

2L: Well, at least you have your priorities.

tomayto/tomahto

student #1: Your writing professor sounds like a raging bitch.
student #2: She's more of a raging retard.

At least he admits it

An International Law Prof. on arguing with the State Department:

"I get to claim certain rights as a law professor, but that doesn't mean I'm connected to reality."

I didn't mean it...

after an unflattering portrait of a Posner opinion...

Civ Pro Prof: "Judge Posner is one of the most influential judges in the country. If you guys have blogs, please don't post that I insulted him.."

We're not that bad at numbers, lady

Writing Prof, explaining how to define a date in a contract: "September 30, 1940 defined as June 30, 1940. This is absolutely retarded, don’t do it."

This about sums it up...

Law Student: The exam is on Sunday at 9am.

Business Student: The exam is on Sunday? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Cheney's got a gun

K prof: Doing business with your client is as safe as going hunting
with the Vice President.

-- overheard by BD

We don't need no steenkin Ethics rules

Family Law Prof: Your clients are not a pool of prospective dates.

(and later...)

Family Law Prof: Love is in the air... even in divorce court.

-- overheard by CR

I'll know it when I see it

First Amendment Prof: Madonna wrote a book?

Student 1: Yes.

First Amendment Prof: Called "Sex"?

Student 2: It's a picture book.

First Amendment Prof: We all ought to read it.

-- overheard by CR

Leave the hypos to the profs next time

1L: So let's say the husband keeps an apartment in Manhattan, but lives in Ethiopia and his wife lives in Australia...

Prof: Husband in Ethiopia and wife in Australia? That is marriage that might work! Good for them!
-- overheard by CD

when the 7th Circuit gets out of hand

2L guy: The second case is pretty much Easterbrook on a tangent, but what can we do, right?

2L girl: I feel like Easterbrook gets too much exposure. He enjoys pontificating a bit too much.

2L guy: Correct. He's a punk on paper.

This is who we become...

2L #1 (referring to criminals in a bad neighborhood): I just wish there was something we could do to prevent the crimes to start with and help give them opportunities.

2L #2: You can't try and help them. This is the class struggle.

Crim Law and Mercy Killing

1L: I think 1st degree and the penalty is too much. I dont think this guy is going to do this again. He killed his dad because he was suffering, he's not a threat to anyone.

Prof: Yeah, unless his Mom gets sick

As overheard by rangjl

Procedure of the Civil variety

Civ Pro Prof: Can I get some water here? My throat is really dry. Guess I drank too much wine last night. I hope you did as well.

-- Overheard by WE

Civil Procedure Professor: "Don't kick a baby elephant, and don't abuse a clerk. Just don't."

-- Overheard by HLJ

Con Law Compilation

Con law prof: As long as the lawyer can stand up there and describe the public purpose without bursting into peals of laughter, that's good enough.

-- Overheard by Homie B.

Constitutional Law Professor: I realize that this isn't the clearest chart in the world. You can use it to study the concept... or you can use it for wrapping sardines.

-- Overheard by The BLS

finally, a law book worth reading

Prof: Well, [Tax Prof] has recently published a new book, Kinky Sex and the IRS. Sadly, not really.

Feisty today

Crim Pro Prof:

• “All of us ‘originalists’ seem to go back to the language of the Constitution when it suits our purposes.”
• “Can they look in the film canister on the desk during a protective sweep? No. Sometimes there’s just film in there anyway... As Freud says, sometimes a film canister is just a film canister."
  
• “If the crazy killer brother-in-law is in the attic, they’re gonna fuckin’ hear him coming before he gets there and have a reasonable reason to go search the house!
• “I get a letter with a return address of Osama bin Laden… I wonder if he has mailing labels?”

I'm not Bitter....I'm not!!!

Evidence Prof: See Judge Wilkins on end of 498 to 499? That's my classmate...don't you hate it when people in your class do well?
It makes me feel good when I can say he's completely wrong.

This story brightened my day, too

For a faculty workshop given by a Professor who has a reputation for "defending marriage" from same-sex couples (and for that matter, from no-fault divorce), the caterer's napkins had bright stripes in a kind of flag pattern. They virtually screamed "Rainbow Coalition."

-- Seen by Prof. TR

Freudian Slip

Torts prof: (talking about duty) Landowners have a general nudy. . . I mean duty. . .
-- Overheard by JN

Flattery will get you everywhere

2L: OMG - if I get quoted on Overheard in Law School, I'll put it on my resume.

-- Overheard by LB

Interview etiquette

2L #1 talking about an upcoming interview: I just hope I don't fall down inthe interview. Seriously that's my biggest fear. Sometimes I just randomly fall down.

2L #2: Hmmm. Then maybe you should just fall down on purpose on the wayfrom the car to the door so you get it out of the way.

-- Overheard by LB

Stereotypes, shmereotypes

K Prof (discussing a Tennessee case): The 16 year old defendant did not repair the truck and let the engine blow up. Then he left it parked for months on his parent's front lawn... reinforcing every stereotype of Tennesee you've ever had.

-- Overheard by BD

I was just following orders

Professor: The underlings are the ones who should be prosecuted. They are making rational decisions. Unless someone like Hitler or Saddam Hussein is like "do what I say or I'll kill you" in which case, that's a difficult decision.
-- Overheard by CT

More property quotes? Of course!

Property professor passing out an evaluation form regarding classes for this week and realizing he doesn't have enough copies: "Like Ohio voting ballots, not enough for everyone. That was not a political statement."

-- Overheard by GR

1L: What does a purple mohawk and a leather jacket really say, anyway?
Property prof: I wish I knew.

-- Overheard by K

Property Professor: Why do we have deeds?
1L: It's more convenient than throwing clumps of dirt at each other (referring to livery of seisen).

-- Overheard by Kitrah

Property Professor: None of us are asking for in-depth research to answer these problems. Only psycho professors at the top law schools ask for those things, and even then…

-- Overheard by JU

Women in Law

Romance

1L #1: Are you doing anything special for Valentine's Day for your girl?
1L #2: I don't know...maybe give her a call.

Grab bag from Melissa

Wills Professor: You actually need very little competency to be married, you can be a real bliterhing idiot and mutter "I do."

Prof of Ancient Athenian Law: If you haven't seen groundhog day, go see it. It has nothing to do with Athenian law.

Prof of Ancient Athenian Law: what do you want to talk about? Theft? Kidnapping?

Student: rape

Professor: sure, always a cheery topic!

Trademarks Professor: It's like ping and pong, Iliad and the Odyssey, §8 and §15.

Overheard by Melissa

Not Overheard, but definitely overread.

There's a tax appeals court case called "Appeal of Cock" from 1925. The cite is 1925 WL 496.

Overheard by TI

Amen

Torts Prof: Thank God for the stupid people who keep us in business.

Overheard by Anonymous #40593222

I hope this doesn't happen to me

Professor (discussing labor law): We're lawyers! this is what we do! This is better than an orgasm! I'm so old I don't remember what those things are!

Overheard by M

Experts on Everything

There has been a discussion about the point of prosecuting a woman who happens to have seeds and stems, but not leaves of marijuana plants.

Drugs in the Law Prof: Do you prosecute the woman for having seeds?

Student: I guess it depends - do you smoke seeds? Can you smoke seeds?

Prof: Of course you can! It causes a horrible burning sensation in your throat, but you can smoke it. As for the stems - you can brew them and make a great tea, only it gives you a really bad upset stomach.

Overheard by CKC

Prawperty Law Extravaganza

2L: Property is like a soap opera... you can tune out for three weeks and still know what's going on. Well, that, and I think the lead character (the professor) has amnesia...

-- Overheard by The BLS

***
1L: If we're talking about the over-all value to society, it'd be best to kill all homeless people!
Property Prof: Well, it might cause some disutility to the homeless person, right?

-- Overheard by Anonymous

***
Property Prof: Well, what is the principle that Marshall has extracted from Johnson?
Student: That when white people agree on something, it's the rule.

-- Overheard by SLS1L

***

Oh, but you are!

2L #1: You have to RSVP so I know how much food to make.
2L #2: I don't want to RSVP. I want to be a surprise.

Probably not what he meant to say

Property prof: I've been given the middle finger so many times in my life, I've never even thought of suing for it.


Later that same class:

Prof: I didn't mean to cut you off.
1L: It's ok, I've been cut off many times before.
Prof: Just the way I've been fingered several times before.

Submitted by Homie B.

But then there'd be no torts hypos.

Torts prof: Children! Damn children! The world would be much better off if there were no children!

Submitted by LB

Abstract interpretation

(Looking at the clock, which is usually really off)
Prof: Now I don't know what time it is...
Usual Suspect 2L (interrupting): Well that depends on what you believe about time, or if you believe in time, or if time itself is relative, or...
Prof: I think what matters is what time the Registrar thinks I should begin class.

International Law and 24

International Law Prof: Once the missile is in the air, you can't stop it
2L: Jack Bauer could.

Real Life Contract Drafting

Prof: (Explaining Recitals in contract drafting) Sometimes, the reliance brings in torts for damages by showing unequal footing to start. Britney and Kevin are getting married. Britney is worth tons of money; Kevin is worth nothing!
2L: But he has a new song out!

Classes of Yesteryear

Evidence Prof: Someone told me to take Wills and Trusts; we called it Death and Greed.

We really should look into getting satellites...

LLM #1: So this cat comes out of a hole and if he sees his shape, then winter will last longer.
LLM #2: How can a cat not know his shape? This is how Americans predict the weather?

civil disobedience

Prof (after getting through C while taking attendance): Oh, the hell with this. Everyone's here. I can stand up to authority.

International Trade Law Shenanigans

Professor: Now, what is C going to say about this? In plain terms...

Student: Shenanigans...

Professor: Well, that wasn't exactly the word I was thinking of, but Yes - Discriminatory Shenanigans.

Submitted by MJ

At least HE gets it

2L Professor (explaining attendance policy): You're allotted 2 absences per credit hour. That's 8 absences, which allots you room for sickness, emergencies... and the occasional hangover.

Submitted by the BLS

Civ Pro Prof: OK, what are the elements of negligence that the plaintiff needs to prove? You should know this from Torts last semester...
1L #1: Proximate Cause, Duty, Negligence..ummm..
Civ Pro Prof: Huh? You have to prove negligence in order to prove negligence?
1L #2: Don't worry, we didn't get it either.
Civ Pro Prof: You want me to tell Torts Prof that you didn't get it?
1L #2: He read my test answers. He already knows.

Submitted by CS

Professor R Strikes Again

Excerpts from the recent law clinic meeting:

Prof R: Uncle R's Rules of Legislation: Any law named after a dead kid is probably a bad law.

Prof R: Bless you, my child.

Prof R: In an abysmally stupid--strike that. In an unusual decision, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court decided...

Prof R: ...And those are the best custody battles of all. Mom versus her own mom. Blood on the mat. No contesto.

Submitted by SunCynic

Grabbag of Quotes

Girl in Professional Responsibility mocking my position that I would use 1.6 (c) (3) and (4) to disclose his clients HIV Positive Status to his girlfriend who was paying his legal bills: "What are you supposed to be Captain Save the world?"

Professional Responsibility Prof: "Always do not get paid in Cocaine!"

Evidence Prof: "If you were caught in a known drug house, with 135 packets of cocaine on the table in front of you, a razor with cocaine on it, a scale, a gun, and $2500 in cash would you want to talk about the evidence?"

this is why I became a prof

Prof (talking about trial tactics): “I haven’t tried a case in 30 years. Some of my clients are still in Leavenworth. They don’t think much of my trial tactics.”

Does Brooks Bros. carry those?

Prof: The Admiralty cases have to be brought in federal court. And you have to wear epaulets when you bring them.

Your liberal is showing, Professor...

When talking about Scalia's opinion rejecting the idea that a thermoimagery scan is not an illegal search:

Prof: He really gets off on this reasoning, it's so Scalia-ish of him...The lady of the house might be taking her bath and we'd be able to know about it. He's such a gallant son of a bitch.

Politics in class

Prof: A poll? You want to know people's opinions from a poll? A poll isn't reliable - take Osama Bin Laden. The poll says Bush is in trouble? There he is, making another tape! Then look what happens in a poll.

Diversity is important

Con Law Professor: So law schools used to say, "It's ok if they are Jewish, long as they are not too Jewish."

Student: I think they still do that here.

Con Law Professor: Well, normally its phrased a little more delicately than that.

somehow, undergrad sounds like law school...

Big Sister 2L: so how are things are school?
Little Sister: my friends seem to be going nuts. it's j-term, so everyone has lots of free time.
Big Sister 2L: ah.
Little Sister: this means that everyone just takes turns being the bullion cubes in the drama soup.

Law students are not renowned for their geography skills.

Constitutional Law professor: The Japanese had established naval dominance over the Pacific. (pause) For those of you not keen on geography, California borders the Pacific.
Submitted by The BLS

It Didn't Help

(Property Prof drops his overheads of his lecture notes all over the floor.)
Prof: NOW we’ll have an interesting lecture!
Submitted by Anonymous #2

On 1L grades...

Contracts prof: I'm perfectly willing to talk to you about your grades, but I have a Kleenex policy in my office. That is, I don't keep any in my office, so if you're going to be crying, bring your own.

Civ Pro prof: I suggest you talk to all of your professors about your grades. You can just walk down the hall and knock on doors and say, "Okay, now YOU tell me why I suck."

Submitted by Anonymous

Presumptively High?

Evidence Professor (pausing while writing on board about "presumption"): Smells nice. (sniffs pen again) That's pretty good.

Maybe you should call your mother sometime?

PR Prof: (taking attendance) The [student last name] brothers?
2L with last name #1: (salutes the other 2L with the same last name)
2L with last name #2: Here.
PR Prof: How's mama Mabel [last name]?
2L with last name #2: She's good.
PR Prof: But she's DEAD!

This is why we can't take law students anywhere.

The BLS: Hey, you're in my seat!

Student: Well, yeah, but I have a possessory interest in this seat.

The BLS: Yeah? Well, I have a title to this seat, evidenced by the professor's seating chart. That trumps your possessory interest.

Student: Yeah, but...

Student #2: (interrupting) And this is why law students are only friends with other law students.

Submitted by The Bitter Law Student