OOOOOO Snap!

Intern #1: So, Bush vetoed stem-cell research. I guess he just doesn't care about anyone with a disease at all.
Intern #2: Yeah, Michael J. Fox was livid about it.
Intern #1: Really? Was he shaking?
Intern #3: Oooooooooo! SNAP!

it's all about antecedents, kids

Labor attorney (getting off the phone): So they kicked him out!
Consulting attorney: I don't understand. Why would they kick a contractor out of his own office?
LA: Not the contractor! The cat!
CA: Huh?
LA: They kicked the cat out of the groomer's! Have you ever heard of such a thing?!
CA: Um, no. What cat?
LA: My cat! They're kicking him out of the groomer's and I have to go get him!
CA: Okay, I really have no idea what we're talking about. I thought we were talking about this contractor who was leaving before the contract was up? And now we're talking about...your cat?
LA: Yes.
CA: Okay, we're going to have to work on that stream of consciousness thing before we go before the judge.

No Spin Zone

Professor: [In a review session] Remember the importance of fee arrangements...
3L: Professor, Why is this...important?

Reading Your Answer in Class

Rising 3L #1: The kid is literally reading the problem out of the book word for word
Rising 3L #2: That he is
Rising 3L #1: And what's worse, he can't even do that
Rising 3L #2: Education doesnt fix stupid

Lawyers and their Toys

Partner: I'm giving up on my worthless Treo. Order me a Blackberry
Senior Associate: Ooooo...it'll be new and shiny.
Partner: Can I customize the colors on that? I'm thinking the colors of Mexico
Secretary: I'll look into it
Senior Associate: You can also have the ringtone of the Mexican Song of Independence...
Partner: Can I get it in the colors of the Mexican Flag?
Secretary: I've got nail polish and time to kill

This Post Is Not About Condoms

Two 2L's wandering through the Egypt section of the British Museum in London

2L#1, looking at a giant sculpture of a head: This is Ramses II.

2L#2: He kind of looks like Ramses VII to me.

2L#1, looking at a second giant sculpture: This one is Ramses VI. You know, you're right...they do look similar. In fact all the Ramses look the same...see, that's why you can't take me anywhere...I need to stop being racist.

Now that is friendship!

Players: Plaintiff's counsel; Defendant's counsel; Plaintiff's witness; Court Reporter

Plaintiff's counsel: I'm done.

D counsel: I'm just going to ask you a few questions.

Witness: Okay.

D Counsel: Did you discuss this deposition with anyone prior to today?

Witness: Yes, your client offered me $500.00 not to show up.

Overheard by Insolvent Esq

It must be one of those goth bars

Barbri prof: "None of you are going to commit necrophila on the bar... It's just unnatural."

Overheard by MG

One Hand in My Pocket

Crim Pro Prof: If you knew that a fellow law student had a bag of coke in their pocket would you have a legal obligation to report it?

Class: ...

Crim Pro Prof: No! Don't do that. We'd lose half of our law students.

Overheard by "There's No Competition in Law School"

All graduated and you're still not cool

Plaintiff's atty #1, closing arguments: Tip the scales of justice here people. Tip all the evidence that this death was accidental (leans whole body over to the left) against all the evidence that it's suicide (leans a tiny bit to the right, but still hangs left) . Clearly my client wins, if you just look at the scale.

Defense atty #1 (whispered): What a goddamn tool. Douchebag.

Lather, rinse, repeat

Prosecutor: Look, your client can plead, that's not a problem. But there's a mandatory loss of license for a year on this charge.
Defense counsel: We can't do a 6 month suspension instead?
Prosecutor: No. There's a mandatory minimum.
Defense counsel: What about the fine?
Prosecutor: We're going to recommend the minimum, no problems there.
Defense counsel: So the fine plus a 6 month suspension.
Prosecutor: What part of mandatory minimum do you not understand?
Defense counsel: I thought this was a plea negotiation.
Prosecutor: And if he pleads, he loses his license for a year.
Defense counsel: But why not six months?
Prosecutor: I give up.

Sorry Your Honor, But My Grandmother Died...Again.

Ethics Prof: Don't tell the same judge each time you need a continuance that your grandmother died. If you need to get more time, just give him the names of different people.

Overheard Goes Abroad...

Summer Associate: So will the Czech's riot after the game?
Czech Associate: No. That's really more of a French thing.
***
Czech Associate: No, he's not gay, he's just British.
***
British Associate: You can't be American. You're not fat enough.
***
Unknown Nationality Associate: I fucking hate Italians. No, seriously, I want to physically injure them.

License to Fondle?

Legal Intern after discussing a case of a chiropractor losing license for massaging the vaginas of four clients:
"How do you do that? I'm sorry miss, but your vagina is out of alignment; I can fix that."

Clients After Law School

Ethics Professor on Advising Clients: Maybe you have lost touch with normal people while you've been in law school. When you get into practice, let's face it, many of your clients are going to be really, really stupid.

It's too late to stop now!

Barbri Torts Prof: "If you're using drugs, don't stop between now and the bar - wait until August, and then find a program."

Overheard by Melissa

It's a room full of love too!

Torts Professor (on battery): "Pretend I went up and down the aisles here, saying hi to each of you, and as I did that, I stroked your hair. That's a room full of battery. We don't pet each other, it's not normal."

Overheard by Carrie

An accidental mini PR lesson

While reading the instructions before a Property exam

Proctor: If you're gonna cheat, be smart. Don't let me catch you.

Overheard by Matt

Lexis hasn't added that feature yet

Att. 1: What are you wroking on?
Att. 2: A speech for the representative.
Att. 1: What is that?
Att. 2: The Holy Roman Bible. He wants to quote scripture for a church speech on juvenile justice reform and community building. I just threw in a scripture from Isiah.
Att. 1: Did you shepardize that?

Overheard by GP

Paralegals: What would we do without them?

Head Attorney to Paralegal: What's my cell phone number?
Paralegal: Just one second....(states number)

a very important conversation

rising 3L: Golden showers are gross. I would never want somebody to pee on me.
rising 2L: No shit!
rising 3L: DEFINITELY no shit!

I like this law school better than mine

Crim Prof: "Who here is still using drugs while they are in law school?"

Prof raises his hand but no one in the class does.

Crim Prof: "Come on, I know someone does. My first year here I used to know a lot of students who were smoking pot while they were in school. (pause) I was selling them the pot."

Overheard by There's No Competition in Law School

I have a headache

Professor: They read the suspect his Miranda rights, ask if they can question him, and the suspect replies with "Not right now." Is that an unambiguous invocation of his Miranda rights?

Class: silence

Professor: Come on, guys! It's clear! I mean, if this was an issue about sex, what would it mean? "Feel like sex?" "Not right now!" No! It means no!

-- Overheard by AT

I've got fleas?

Non-law student: I've only gotten fleas twice in my life.

Raising 2L: Really, when?

Non-law student: Once when I was in Fiji with the Peacecorps and the other time was when I lived with you.

Maybe I have hope yet!

while in Crim Law barbri class...

post-3L: "What does Larceny mean?"

-- Overheard by DEV

You couldn't play nice, could you?

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
MIDDLE DISTRICT OF FLORIDA
ORLANDO DIVISION
AVISTA MANAGEMENT, INC.,
d/b/a Avista Plex, Inc.,
Plaintiff,
-vs- Case No. 6:05-cv-1430-Orl-31JGG
(Consolidated)
WAUSAU UNDERWRITERS INSURANCE
COMPANY,
Defendant.
______________________________________
ORDER
This matter comes before the Court on Plaintiff’s Motion to designate location of a Rule 30(b)(6) deposition (Doc. 105). Upon consideration of the Motion – the latest in a series of Gordian knots that the parties have been unable to untangle without enlisting the assistance of the federal courts – it is ORDERED that said Motion is DENIED. Instead, the Court will fashion a new form of alternative dispute resolution, to wit: at 4:00 P.M. on Friday, June 30, 2006, counsel shall convene at a neutral site agreeable to both parties. If counsel cannot agree on a neutral site, they shall meet on the front steps of the Sam M. Gibbons U.S. Courthouse, 801 North Florida Ave., Tampa, Florida 33602. Each lawyer shall be entitled to be accompanied by one paralegal who shall act as an attendant and witness. At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one (1) game of “rock, paper, scissors.” The winner of this engagement shall be entitled to select the location for the 30(b)(6) deposition to be held somewhere in Hillsborough County during the period July 11-12, 2006. If either party disputes the outcome of this engagement, an appeal may be filed and a hearing will be held at 8:30 A.M. on Friday, July 7, 2006 before the undersigned in Courtroom 3, George C. Young United States Courthouse and Federal Building, 80 North Hughey Avenue, Orlando, Florida 32801.

DONE and ORDERED in Chambers, Orlando, Florida on June 6, 2006.


PDF here. Hat tip: Feministe

Why Law Students Are Not Comedians: Exhibit A

Recent Law School Grad, now Lawyer: Oh, crap! The sole off of my heel came off. Now I'm going to have to take the sole off the other heel so I'm not walking around all lopsided.

Smart-ass 3L: Oh, cool! So your shoes will be "Lawyer Shoes!"

Recent Law School Grad, now Lawyer: (pause) How do you figure?

Smart-ass 3L: Well, your shoes won't have any soles. And lawyers don't have any souls, either. So now you match.

Recent Law School Grad, now Lawyer: Until then, I had no idea how unfunny you really are.

Golden Arches

Associate: Tomorrow I'm meeting that witness for lunch...At her trailer.

Summer: Ohhh? Is she making you fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches or roadkill?

Associate: Very funny. She wants to go to the McDonald's by her trailer.

First Amendment Protections by Durex

At a free speech symposium:

Law Prof: "We need to have a place where people can go at it, in a hot and heavy way, to the edge of reason..."

3L: "Is he talking about free speech or a one night stand?"

It's all we can do...

Finals Proctor: When time is called, you can stop trying...wait, no...stop typing. You should always keep trying.

The proverbial long ride...

Bitchy proctor for final exam: If you have computer problems, don't panic. We'll take care of you. Don't ask how. You'll find out.

The correct answer is "no."

2L: I do not understand the value depriciation in a lease.
Professor: Well have you ever bought a new car?
2L: Yes.
Prof: What kind?
2L: Jeep Cherokee.
Prof: How much did you pay for it?
2L: I do not know my mom bought it for me used...
-- Overheard by KK

Another disincentive to crime...

Meanwhile in Election law

Talking about reasons why some states take the right to vote away from felons...

Election law prof: "Yeah. Because we all know that when Bob is thinking about robbing that Bank losing his vote is one of the factors."

Eternal Damnation ... as a damage?

Overheard in a class on Remedies

Remedies prof: "Ok. So assume that the Doctor says 'No one is gonna die in my hospital. I'm gonna give the blood transfusion' [to a J. Witness who doesn't want it]. Sure he committed a battery. What what are the damages? He saved his life. [Pause] I suppose the damage could be eternal damnation... but how would you plead that? And how much do you ask for?"

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

Law and Order Coloring Book.
Keep an eye out for the maze that leads from the arraignment to the trial and the connect the dot of Briscoe....

(Overheard on a thread about knitted law and order placemats.)

The truth comes out

[After Graduating Students Dinner]

3L #1: So you are coming to the party, right?

3L #2: No, man, I have to get home and study.

3L #1: After 29 years of life, and 3 years of law school, you are still the lamest person I know.

That makes two of us...

Professor: So say on the exam, I tell you that [long, convoluted hypothetical about derivatives]. What's your biggest concern?

3L: Graduating.

You don't even know me...

3L: So why would I trade a stock when the derivative has lower transaction costs?

Professor: Well, who are you?

3L: Wow...that's real Socratic method...

[Awkward silence.]

Studying hard or hardly studying?

2L #1: How did your final go?

2L #2: "It's not that I didn't study hard enough, it's just that the professor didn't write a good test"

finals are to AP tests as law school is to...

After 1L finishes describing finals to his little brother, who just took the AP tests...

"Wow, that sounds exactly like my week, except larger and more absurd."

-- Overheard by MM

Procrastination and Federal Courts

2L: (one hour before the final exam) I thought that I'd glance at the hornbook before the exam. (pause) Wow, it's actually pretty good.

A Few Words From the Politically Incorrect

(Overheard during a debate about writing a legislative bill for sterilization in class)

2L #1: I don't think (professor) will like your bill. He's a DEFENSE attorney! He's going to side with the defendants!

2L #2: I'm all for the cripples, too, but....



(And a few minutes later...)

2L #3: That was a horrible case! Those poor people got totally screwed!

2L #2: But they were aliens!

That's what my mom said...

2L Passenger: I think being in the car makes me have to pee.

2L Driver: It's like you're biologically constructed to frustrate me.

Political views?

via IM
2L: Did you hear about the NSA phone bank?
2L: cnn.com
1L: wow
1L: that is absurd
1L: george bush makes me want to kick small puppies
1L: and i like puppies

1L: "Charging that guy with murder for telling his friend to go kill himself is like like telling a guy to go fuck himself and getting charged with rape."
Overheard by JP

Sounds like somebody just lost a kidney

1L: “I think there are two kinds of people who would sell their organs. First is poor people…and second is stupid people! There are a lot of people who make bad decisions. There are people who would sell their organs and put $10,000 on red 23 at Queen’s Casino.”

Overheard by nicky

i'll never forget conditions subsequent again

Professor, while miming smoking crack:“if the conveyance goes... from O to A for life, and then to B, unless B starts smoking crack... and i mean starts. When B puts the crackpipe upto his lips, he doesn't get the property.”

Overheard by nicky

So that's what the hooding ceremony involves

...during graduation rehearsal...

Dean of Students: "So you'll come over here, turn around, and bend over..."

Overheard by SB

Worst vacation trip EVER!

tourist and family walking by law school's library

Father: (says name of school outloud) Wow, look at them all, just plugging away. Kids, they're memorizing laws so they can become rich lawyers.
Kids: Ooh.

Overheard by CR

Good family values

Family Law Prof (handing out the final exam): If you open the exam before I tell you to, I will beat you...and not in the fun way!

Overheard by CR

When nerds make friends...

1L on cell: You know, I wish I was still anti-social. I wasn't any less unhappy, but at least no one cared.

The things you do to procrastinate

2L#1, walking from across the hall to see what the commotion is in the other classroom: what are you guys doing in here, studying?
2L#2: No, I’m trying to get him to watch horrible, horrible porn.

Overheard by RB

Advice to live by

Con Law Review:

Con Law Prof Extraordinaire: "I don't know what you guys know about exam writing"
IL: "we don't either."
CLPE : "you don't either, well that's good."

CLPE: "You've gotta see the forest through the trees, and there are a lot of trees you can get caught in, or..."
1L: "struck by"

CLPE: "i'm more interested in what's going on in your head…I mean not generally, I've got enough problems myself ...give me a chance to peek into your constitutional head."

CLPE: "I don't suggest people do what I did in law school…I used to smoke back then and I used to take notes on the back of matchbook covers…and then I'd get home and throw them on the dresser and find them later on…"

Overheard by TEC

Short and to the point

Crim Law Review

Crim Law Prof discussing common law crimes: "Kidnapping- we have a kid and a napping. There you go. Moving onto rape."

Overheard by KW

Nerdly virtues?

Civ Pro Review

Civ Pro Prof about Special Damages: "There is this case for special damages, if you’ve heard of this one, you won’t ever forget special damages. P got hit by a car & did all the normal damages- lost of wages, pain & suffering; but he also claimed a permanent erection, and this was before Viagra. Heck, my wife is out there pushing me in front of cars all the time…"

Civ Pro Prof: "Law school, like life itself, rewards the nerd-ly virtues."

Civ Pro Prof about Discovery: "What is your normal response when someone sues you- hey, this guy is an asshole, lets schedule him for 19 proctological exams next week."

Overheard by KW

Buyer's Remorse

2L #1: This umbrella was a good purchase.
2L #2: Yeah. It's no samurai sword, but...
2L #1: Oh yeah, I bought a samu...fuck.

Stiff competition

1L#1: I heard they don't give grades at Yale.
1L#2: Then how do they figure out the valedictorian?
1L#1: I dunno...whoever sucks the best dick?
1L#2: I would so win.

-- Overheard by MM

Forgotten PR quotes of note

2L: “I thought it was a plunger, not a broomstick.”
PR Prof: “No, because that would be gross.”

Later,
PR Prof: “You don’t remember the case? An officer shoved a broken plunger up his butt, but really, you don’t need to know that to grasp the problem. Assault is assault.”

Like a Trained Seal

Plaintiff's Attorney: Hi, how are you?

Summer for Defense Attorney: Good, and yourself?

Plaintiff's Attorney: (To Defense Attorney) You trained her well.

Defense Attorney: (Gives "you're an asshole" look) Yeah.

Plaintiff's Attorney: Now sweetie, what's your name?

Summer: (silence and look from Plaintiff's Attorney) Ohh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me dollface?

(Defense Attorney smiles like a proud father.)

Dancing + law school = magic

Coming back from a bar at 7pm

1L: That's the first time I've talked to 1L2 in a year and I just got him to piroeutte for a sobriety test on the front steps.

-------------------------

1L: I've got it! Instead of taking our notes into the exam we'll just study property through interpretive dance. (commenses dancing to show property principles)

-- overheard by piratelaw

Wisdom from the International Superstar

International Superstar professor: "that's the one common denomenator with all of these cases, someone sued! otherwise there wouldn't be court cases."

ISP: "if i can train [foreign country] judges in a week, i can make you all experts in international law in a semester!"

ISP: "what is the first line of the declaration of independence?"
1L: "'we the people'"

Overheard by TEC

Con Law contributions

Con Law Prof, Extraordinaire: 'heterosexual couples could engage in oral sex, anal sex, and any other kind of sex without breaking the law!'

CLPE in re lawrence v. texas: "the police are much more likely to come in response to a gunshot rather than...people screaming too loud."

CLPE: "there were laws against masturbation, hm, i didn't realize that...think of all the people who would be in jail! certainly all males under the age of 12!"

CLPE: "as far as i know there is no way to conceive a child through sodomy...so it's a form of contreception! what a great way to end class..."

Overheard by TEC

Note from Liser

I've been a bad admin; while I was taking finals, I didn't post any of your contributions. They will be posted over the next few days, so if you sent something in (and it's funny), you should see it soon.

Thx
Management

On Anxiety...

3L fretting over an exam the next day: "God, I'm so freaked out. I feel like I'm going to a fucking prison rape tomorrow."

Lowest common denominator

2L #1: My second wind hasn't blown away yet.
2L #2: Do you need me to pull your finger or something?

Finals time is a special time

2L #1: I hit a woman in Minnesota.
2L #2: Did you mount her on the wall?
2L #1: No, just her baby.

Sure Hunny

(Discussing Anna Nicole Ruling)

2L Girl: Who does she think she's fooling with those implants, they look so fake.

2L Guy: If you can touch them they're real.

2L Girl: I've felt fake breasts before and that is just erroneous.

2L Girl's Boyfriend: Please tell me you're referring to the shot girl who forced you to feel her up at the titty bar and not something else.

2L Girl: ...

Finals delirium, again

2L: Naked dancing makes me think of Justice Ginsburg.

Jack McCoy Taught Me Everything I Need to Know About the Law.

(During a study session for Criminal Procedure)

Prepared 2L: You never went to class, how do you know this stuff? Did you study before today?

2L Slacker: No, I just used to watched a lot of Law and Order and Law and Order SVU in undergrad while my friends and I would sit around and blaze. Jack McCoy is my hero.

Prepared 2L: I don't know if I should be annoyed or impressed.

2L Slacker: Impressed, I remember it even though I was blazed.

Right Track, Wrong Direction

After a gunner has opened her mouth and is wrong in her in answer

Professor: Well, you are sort of on the right track...

The Special Gunner: (Cutting the Professor Off) As Usual!!

Professor: But you missed [the major points]...

Monday Fun

1L#1: Hey does anybody know how the immigration boycott is going today?

1L#2: Well, I was able to get a burger at Burger King, so I haven't been affected.

-----------

1L: I spilled water on my pants and it looks like my vagina is in the wrong place . . . Don't worry, guys, it isn't.

1L's BF: Stop talking.

Hos (in different are codes, area codes)

Student 1: Do you think there are people who really believe those justifications about cheating, like, if it's in another state it doesn't count, or if it's in another country it doesn't count?
Student 2: Yep. It's the same reason people believe in God. Just to make themselves feel better.

More Finals Delirium

1L#1: The assignment was gratuitous.

1L#2: That's my favorite kind of movie sex...(blank stares)...gratuitous.

1L#3: Forced and awkward.

1L#1: That's my favorite kind of real life sex.

Finals Delirium

1L#1: If it's a total integration, you have to figure out if it's collateral.

1L#2: However, if it's a total eclipse of the heart...

1L#3: Then you have to get Bright Eyes to turn around.

Yeah, That Helps

1L: How are we supposed to figure out if we should apply the doctrine or not on a multiple choice test? I mean, are we gonna say, “Well, it’s either A or B and I hope to god it’s B?” Or are we gonna be able to figure out what you’re expecting?

Prop Prof.: You should be able to figure out what I’m expecting. Let me put it this way: I would be able to figure out what I’m expecting by what’s on the exam.

Tight Lawyers

Trial Ad Instructor: Lawyers are just so tight all the time. In fact, they don't let loose people into law school!

3L (totally deadpan): My mom will be happy to hear that.

--As seen on Will Work For Favorable Dicta

Truth hurts

Young-looking 2L girl on cell phone: She said what? That's really uncool of her to say, I mean, that hurts.
Passerby: High school?
2L girl: Law school.

ethical emissions

2L: I have to pee, but I think I’m gonna hold it so I can go in the middle of PR.

-- Overheard by RB

the merits of Tarantino

Evidence prof: A classic 403 issue involves pictures of the deceased as part of a murder trial. Are they too inflammatory? No! We can sensitize the jury! We can take them to the movies and show them Kill Bill 2!

Oh homonyms

2L: What's the point of Cox?

More Fun With Undergrads

1L#1: You can actually take up to 6 hours outside the law school. Just tell [Dean of Students] there's a hole in your undergrad you want to fill.

1L#2: A more accurate statement would be that there are about 15,000 undergrad holes I'd like to fill.

Size matters...

Having a discussion about the professor's exam from the previous semester:

Professor: Did you think last year’s exam was too long?

2L: You know, I’m a slow test taker and all…but I thought that this exam was overly long

3L: You are in law school, just deal with it

If we only knew before we registered...

In the middle of a classroom discussion about the final:

2L #1: You know what’s wrong with this class?
2L #2: Everything.
2L #1: Took the words right out of my mouth

why we wait in line at the airport

Infamous 1L in Property: Yeah I mean it makes sense right? When the airport security makes your take off your shirt to prove your breasts aren't bombs right?

Property Professor: Oh Mr. 1L, I will certainly miss your questions.

From an unlikely source

1L: I have a jacket that is white leather and orange sherbet suede.

wrap it up

Con Law Professor: There was a case recently filed where a father is challenging a court order to provide child support, because he did not want the child's mother to have the baby. Any thoughts on this?

1L: When I get lucky, I should probably wear a condom

Last Minute Questions?

Prof: “Now that we’ve gone through all of that, it will not be on the exam. Obviously, I wasn’t going to tell you that before we got started. . . . Questions – Well of course you’re not going to have questions.”

-- Overheard by Prof. Schwarzenegger

_______

Con Law Prof: "In order to get through all of the material today, I’m just going to lecture. I won’t ask any questions. Well, I don’t intend to ask any questions. If I ask any questions, don’t answer them."

-- Overheard by A Law Bitch

At least it's not K-Fed!

3L #1: Oh good I have 8 minutes to listen to more

3L #2: What you you listening to?

3L #1: Oh the oral arguments from Kelo v. New London I downloaded onto my ipod.

-- Overheard by MP

Law School Vocabulary Lesson

1L: What is "onerous"?
Contracts Prof.: "Onerous" means unduly burdensome. You gotta use it. It is a "law word". It comes in a little gift pack with "egregious".

-- Overheard by Blondelaw

A lake?

1L on last day of Civil Procedure: "What's Erie?"

-- Overheard by KW

I suppose calling the police was out, too

Crim Law Prof: [In discussing a North Carolina case in which a battered woman who was forced into prostitution by her husband, kills him in his sleep.] “Was this her only option? Couldn’t she just move to Durham and become a dancer?”

-- Overheard by RJG

We don't make sense to anyone but our own

1L #1: I don't have time to read, outline, do hypos, eat and sleep
1L #2: I didn't read it either. lol. But you're my back up.
1L #1: Hey, don't make me FRCP 12(b(6) you!
1L #1: PS, I own Blackacre!
1L #2: Wait, I have title to Blackacre too! What the! There's something fishy going on ...
1L #1: Why don't you pull a terry and cop a feel
1L #1: I adversely possessed your boyfriend last night
[pause]
1L #2: Damn. don't think I can top that
1L #1: score one for me

-- Overheard by EN, via AIM

hopefully law school is nicer to you than this

From Post Secret: Law School Gave Me the Discipline to Perfect My Eating Disorder.

Don't mess with Texas

Con Law Prof: "This is another case granted certiorari from Texas. You know if it wasn't for Texas, we'd have nothing to talk about."
____

Explaining MPC on Murder:

1L: would that be considered intent or reckless disregard?

Crim Law prof: Typically this would be intent, but hey case this is texas and they probably bounce it down to a misdemeanor. (in deep Texas twang) Shoot what's the matter with you boy, you only shotthat sunnufabith once!

-- Overheard by francesa

Practical Issuespotting

Crim law prof: I know you're all stressed about finals, so let me just tell you this. When I was a 1L my father died the November of my first semester. And I still took all my finals.

Student: Sure, but how did you do in them?

-- Overheard by Criminellie

You're telling me

Crim law prof: "oh the things I could do with a class full of prostitutes"

Overheard by Mr. Rule 11

The guy next to me actually cares.

How to get an A in Legal Writing:

Writing Prof: It's like that joke, you know, two men are camping in the woods and a bear comes to the campsite... One guy puts on his shoes, the other guy asks "Why are you putting on your shoes? We have to run from the bear!" The guy with shoes says, "I don't have to run faster than the bear; I have to run faster than you!" So do better than the guy sitting next to you. Good luck!

A Short History Lesson

Con Law Prof: Back then it was called the Northwest Territories. Today it’s called the Big 10.

yeah for the curve?

2L: Okay, so the first part is multiple choice. This second part. Do we just do our normal law school bullshit analysis?

More Political (In)Correctness

Evidence Professor while talking about FRE 804(a)(5):
"A colleague of mine once had a Korean witness, there was a dep taken which was favorable to my colleague and right before they were about to go to trial the guy goes...

[Professor using fake "Korean" accent]: I give false deposition.

"My colleague said he just about bought him a one way ticket back to Korea, but clearly under this rule that would not work since the proponent cannot be responsible for procuring the witnesses unavailablity."

Me (to Korean friend): Wow. So offensive and yet such a good illustration of the rule.

Korean Friend: Ehh, I'm kinda suprised he didn't call all Asians "slant eyes", that wasn't that bad for him.