Saturday, November 12, 2005

What's my age again?

1L in Crim: So, what if a girl doesn't know her OWN age becuase her parents lied to her. Like she thinks she's 17 but she's really 18. Then can someone be prosecuted for statutory rape if they rape her?

Friday, November 11, 2005

Surely you're in the wrong building...

Temporarily misplaced 2L: "I've got a boolean algebra joke that'll knock your socks off"

Re: Joining the Resident Big Evil Law Firm

2L the first: You're going to [Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe]? Umm...congratulations
2L the second: Congratulations, sympathies - whatever you feel like offering.

Later in the conversation...

2L the second: Honestly though, i'm too big of an egomaniac to not like it there. I'll be fine.

on applying for the bar

2L #1: do I at least get a security clearance when it's done?
2L #2:
i seriously hope so. the only thing more invasive is a cavity search.
2L #1:
ick. I suspect they'd do blood work if it was legal
2L #2: probably...print out my whole freaking genetic code
2L #1:
well, then we'll know which other law students we shouldn't mate with

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Don't you find me attractive?

CL&P Prof: Frottage is the act of rubbing genitals against somebody for sexual gratification. For example, in New York on the subway. In fact, it's so common that if there's a man standing next to you on the subway and he's not committing frottage, you can ask him why.

If it did, it might make the class more interesting...

BusOrgs Prof: This goes on to accuse them of just about everything except running around afterhours in rubber underwear and having sex with five year-olds...but it's a fairly standard proxy notice.

The most dangerous game of all: MAN.

Prof: If hunting is a major economic activity it is difficult to see how the privileges and immunities clause could countenance different prices being charged residents and non-residents for licenses. However, if hunting is reduced to sort of a fun past-time of just shooting large mammals in the head, then the state can charge different prices for permits to engage in its blood sports.

Will you take the stand?

C&P Prof: Unlike people, penises never lie.

I'll take "my wife is a dirty tramp" for $500

Crim Law Prof: I think we are right to be confused about intent and intoxication, particularly because the legislators make the law. And the legislators wake up not knowing what they did the night before, particularly if it was another legislator's wife.

-- submitted by gar

Texas = own planet

Tax prof: "A week's vacation in the Big Apple. Not a bad deal for a Texan, exposing him to the rest of the world and all."

Begging the question

Civ Pro Prof: so what could they have done?

1L: they could file an amicus brief.

Civ Pro Prof: yeah, that's totally right. does everyone know what that is? it's a friend of the court. so they can file a brief, but that's it. they are friends, but not friends with benefits.

-- Submitted by Lisa

I know obscenity when I see it

1L: Maybe you could argue that the veterinarian provoked the dog. I mean, not for him to bite him, but while he's examining him.

Torts Prof: Sorry, I just got a mental picture of one of my dogs at a rectal exam. Just the look on my dog's face. I have a picture in my office... Not at that moment.

-- Submitted by Marisol

Classic Quotes Featuring Prof N - Take Two

Prof N on continuing legal education: “If you don’t keep up, you’ll commit malpractice. And have to sell shoes.”

Prof N: “Generally speaking in the law of contracts, we don’t care about fault.”

Prof N: “If there are two things that are inescapably intertwined, and you can think about one without thinking about the other, then you’re thinking like a lawyer.”

Prof N: "Past consideration (something done in the past) isn’t consideration. It’s not quid pro quo, ’cause you already got the quid.”

-- Submitted by TI

Ignore the glowing 'Pepsi' sign

(At the Pepsi vending machine)

Woman: There's no Coke in here!?!? GIVE ME BACK MY DOLLAR! GIVE ME BACK MY DOLLAR!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005


1L girl: So what we're saying is that all gay people don't want to have sex with animals? So, that means my brother isn't out in Washington fucking cows?

Farm v. Jungle

Admin Prof discussing Separation of Powers and the Independen Counsel: Foxes shouldn't guard the henhouse, or as one student put it last year, monkeys shouldn't guard bananas.

Classic Quotes featuring Prof N - Take One

I have had a request to post some quotes from my K professor from last year. By some quotes, I mean I have something close to 30 from those who have requested to see quotes from the craziest man teaching the art of Contracts.

Without further adieu, I bring you some of the work of Prof N.

Prof N: Elton John- it's a he isn't it?

Prof N: Austin is an unusual case- one party has the other party by the short hairs.

Prof N: My wife drinks Grant's, good and inexpensive. There's nothing like a dame, as the song goes.

Prof N: I could sell a Harrier Jet to the Taliban.

-- Submitted by James

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

It is her first time...

Nervous Attorney: I knew you guys were going to ask about that!
Chief Judge: Usually counsel does not refer to the Fifth Circuit as "you guys".

I'll take "My wife, the dirty tramp" for $200

Civ Pro prof: The structure of your motion is very important, okay. I was married once before, and my ex-wife's lawyer, he did a very clever thing. He assigned a number of possessions as my possessions, things that she made no claim on, and then they sought "all other possessions in and pertaining to the apartment" for her. So I couldn't even accurately account for everything she was seeking. Which is like asking... Still, it was good lawyering, I'm not saying it wasn't. I just... (Trails off, bitterly glares into space for about five seconds.)

from mayday

I went to law school due to a psychotic break

Labor Prof: Tort law is the acceptable way to act out anti-social behavior. It's certainly better than (stabbing motions).


Student outside smoking: So like, they had two lawyers, but I think one was maybe the all-the-time lawyer...

Lawyering in a Nutshell

BA Prof: Law school is all about hiding and finding the money.

When you’re suing someone, it’s always good to sue someone that has money.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Second Chances

Prof: Once one state changes its choice of law rules, the whole system breaks down... once you let the genie out of the bottle you can't try again for a better result, in much the same way I can't go through puberty again and try to be more successful.

Those professors never answer questions!

1L girl: So, if someone was walking their dog down the street, and it accidentally got shot, could the dog sue?

Tort Prof: I don't know, what do you think?

Submitted by Jessica N.

comparative evils

2L #1: So are you taking that stupid class next semester?
2L #2: Yeah, I have to. At least I got the section I wanted.
2L #1: I don't think one section is better than the other.
2L #2: Well, I was hoping for a lesser of the evils.
2L #1: It's not really a "lesser of evils". It's just [Professor Z] less.

Catholics Are Serious About Their Sex

Canon Law Prof: “Now, I’ve heard of some great sex in my life, but I don’t know that it’s better than the Divine”

Canon Law Prof: "Although if Viagra continues to make people blind, we could have a return of the penile implant"


Evidence Prof: Every year I go to the doctor, he asks me what my sexual practices are... and every year I tell him the exact same thing-- it's never going to change-- is he ever going to just stop asking?
Class: (muffled laughter)
Evidence Prof: Ummmm yeah, maybe I shouldn't have shared that.

--Submitted by Molly

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Splitting heirs

Property Prof: While you are alive you don't have heirs- all you have are relatives looking at your car with anticipation.