Friday, January 06, 2006

DIVERSIFY!

Securities Prof. on the importance of diversified portfolios:

My father in law worked at Lucent, and owned a lot of stock in them. He used to show me his balance sheet, and talked about buying a Mercedes convertible. I bought him “A Random Walk Down Wall Street” for Christmas and inscribed it “Sell it all, Your Son in Law.” Of course he didn’t. He lost everything. The son of a bitch won’t even buy me dinner anymore.

Welcome Back!

Professor: “Do you really think Ebeneezer Scrooge gives gifts to people?”
Student: “Well, he did at the end.”
Professor: “Screw you. Don’t fight my hypo.”

Professor: (referring to practice of parties holding fire rods, and whoever held the longest won the contract suit): “It’s a wonderful institution and it caused a lot of people to have burned hands. You might get Blackacre, but you’ll be called Stumpie for the rest of your life.”

Submitted by Anonymous

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Lessons Learned

Securities Prof: "Can you feel the fraud?"