DIVERSIFY!

Securities Prof. on the importance of diversified portfolios:

My father in law worked at Lucent, and owned a lot of stock in them. He used to show me his balance sheet, and talked about buying a Mercedes convertible. I bought him “A Random Walk Down Wall Street” for Christmas and inscribed it “Sell it all, Your Son in Law.” Of course he didn’t. He lost everything. The son of a bitch won’t even buy me dinner anymore.

Welcome Back!

Professor: “Do you really think Ebeneezer Scrooge gives gifts to people?”
Student: “Well, he did at the end.”
Professor: “Screw you. Don’t fight my hypo.”

Professor: (referring to practice of parties holding fire rods, and whoever held the longest won the contract suit): “It’s a wonderful institution and it caused a lot of people to have burned hands. You might get Blackacre, but you’ll be called Stumpie for the rest of your life.”

Submitted by Anonymous

Lessons Learned

Securities Prof: "Can you feel the fraud?"