girls gone wild

2L: I don't understand. What is the point of covering just the nipple? You're already seeing the whole breast. What difference does it make?
Non-law student: Well, clearly it matters to the FCC.
2L: But why?! Nipples are boring.
3L: My nipples aren't boring. They're *awesome*.

This hand smacks with love!

Immigration prof: You guys are like abused children.

Way to deflect a gunner comment!

Torts Prof: Was that Aristotle you just quoted?
1L: No, it’s the nutshell.

Overheard by DSE

Then what does "surf's up" mean?

Contracts Prof (discussing Undue Influence defense): The translation of "trust me" from Californian to English is "fuck you."

Overheard by hick narcissus

That's not the way to talk about your wife!

Torts prof: You oughta see my hoe. It's rusty old and tired.

Overheard by Nova

Generally it wasn't even when I started

During a Mock Deposition:

3L: Was it ever wet in there when you were finished?

Like Really, Really Bad Morning Breath

2L Guy: If I'm that relaxed when I have balls in my mouth that I'm falling asleep, I have bigger problems than the fact that I have balls in my mouth.

abort, retry, fail?

Life's Lessons

(While discussing Illinois v. McArthur)

Crim Pro Prof: Another Life Lesson: Don't piss off trailer trash.

Why buy the cow?

3L: People who are living together and having sex aren't presenting themselves as being married, they are presenting themselves as living together and having sex.

Overheard by JW

...and I'm spent.

Tax prof: You're sitting here in class paying over a $1 a minute. Have you ever paid more than a $1 a minute for anything else? Some of you might have done that for the services of doctors or lawyers. (pause) And some of you might have for paid that for some other sort of "professional."

Overheard by the LawBitches

Dry cleaning gets the blood right out

Criminal Procedure professor: I don’t know if I want to put the mic on this tie. A man who killed his brother gave me this tie. It’s a nice tie. It’s one of the benefits of being a lawyer.

Overheard by Jedidiah

Cornholio needs lots of TP if it's broken

Torts prof: You have no idea what kind of damage a broken bunghole can cause.

Overheard by Nova

It's not indoctrination, It's education

Civ Pro Prof: Now remember class--Who do we sue?
1Ls [in unison]: EVERYBODY!
Civ Pro Prof: When do we bill?
1Ls: EARLY AND OFTEN!

Overheard By Cristey

yes, your shit does smell like roses

3L: How pure and innocent are we talking here?
Non-law student: She farts Disney.

totally kills the buzz

2L: I hate smoking before war crimes.

finally, an analogy everybody understands

Con Law Professor (re: United States v. Nixon): It's like an S&M relationship where one party lets the other party dominate him, and they play until he says the code word. Only in this case, the special prosecutor didn't stop after Nixon said the code word, and that's why we have this case.
Overheard by NW

Having to pay in cents

Torts prof: It's sort of a kiss your sister kind of situation. It sounds real good, but you always end up having to pay.

Overheard by Nova

I can't wait to abuse that power!

Estate and Gift Tax prof: He did have the power to divorce his wife. That's a power that gets a lot of people through the day.

Overheard by NRN

Is that a resume in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

2L Guy: I'm frustrated with OCI. I interviewed with a lot of firms, but haven't been getting any callbacks. It's like having a lot of girlfriends, but not getting any ass. The most frustrating ones are the ones that don't reject you or call back. It's blueballs to the umpteenth degree.

Overheard by Kai

That's Code for "You're a Jackass."

Guest Speaker: (to Gunner) You're just great at breaking up rhythm aren't you?
Gunner: (Proceeds to make pointless statement, which is of course, wrong).

We Can Safely Assume She's Not Talking About Elmo

2L: No...don't lick it...just tickle it.