Saturday, April 15, 2006

Cause mocking Scalia never gets old...

2L: Anyone else have a J. Scalia voodoo doll? If so, I highly recommend making a big plate of spaghetti and not letting mini-Scalia eat it. You can almost hear the doll whimper.

Seder Day Night Live

Comments overheard at a seder hosted by one Jewish 1L and her Jewish, non-law-student (NLS) friend for eight non-Jewish 1L's

1L#1: I love the "sour cream" you sang in the last song.
1L#2: Yeah, that's something we used to do at camp.
1L#3: guys have camps?
1L#2: Yeah, but they're not concentration camps, though.

NLS: Could you pass the water?
1L#4: It's empty.
1L#5: [1L #4] just finished it.
1L#2: yelling from the kitchen: Whoever kills it, fills it!
1L#5: That's what we used to say at necrophilia camp.

As 1L#2 and NLS watch the other eight guests run frantically around the apartment, searching for the Afikoman

1L#5: I think Afikoman is Hebrew for "laugh at the Gentiles."

Friday, April 14, 2006


Civ Pro Prof: Ummm... who can I call on... Ms 1L?
1L: Duuuuuuuude
Prof: Did you just dude me?! I didn't spend 75 grand getting a law degree to get dude-ed

Desperate times

2L I'd give up my womb to repay my loans...

Yes, it's that bad

Prof: So there's no reading for Monday but be sure to arrive fresh and eager!

Student IMing classmate: He makes it sound like a douche commercial...Oh, wait.

Well, thank goodness I'm drunk.

Property Prof: It's a wild deed. Like that E! series: Wild on the Recording System.

And we did.

K Prof: As one of my last strikes I assign Muller v. Pondir. I say read it, and suffer.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

That's Why Being the Prof Rules

Prof: Everybody done the reading for today?

Class: (half-heartedly) Yes.

Prof: Good, because I haven't.

Why Does He Live By The Dorms?

1L #1: Do law school romances ever work out?
1L #2: You could always date undergrads...
1L #1: Undergrads are overrated.
1L #2: Not at all! They're fun to play with--like little windup toys with boobs.

Risky Business?

Risk Management Counselor: Caveat - that means I’m lying. Or if I lied, I didn’t mean it.

The grass is always greener

2L and college student, after college student noted 2L school's logo (complete with motto), which they put on EVERYTHING....
2L: I want to know who was sitting around and thought "Hey! '[Law school motto.]' I bet that'll reel 'em in!"
Community college student: At least your school has a motto. If my school did, I bet it'd be "Always carry a razor blade."

-- overheard by Anonymous

They don't know everything, despite best interests to assert otherwise

During an impromptu debate on intelligent design vs. evolution brought on by Establishment Clause discussion:

Con Law Prof: You can't prove Einstein's E=mc2 either....

Members of class who took physics in college: Uh..yes you can.

-- Overheard by CS

1L's no wiser than on the first day

Contracts Prof: Being a Lawyer is not a spectator sport! It's better to be sure and be wrong than not to give a rat's ass!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Behaving professionally

2L #1: I don't see why the Model Rules prohibit sleeping with a client.
2L #2: Eh, conflicts of interest? Good sex on one hand, not being disbarred on the other.
2L#1: But what if the sex is really good?

Yeah you know me!

Civ Pro Prof: This was brought by a person named Kroger against a company called OPP...D.

-- Overheard by TEC

Con Law I Prof, Extrordinaire (Take 1)

Con Law Prof: "the ninth amendment precedes the tenth amendment...obviously...cause it's the ninth amendment... geez, sometimes i amaze myself with my knowledge"

Con law prof talking about griswold: "no one came into a room and saw a couple having sex without a condonmin…without a condom – in a condominium."

1Ls phone rings
Con law prof: i get yelled at in so many ways!

1L: i knew a guy who got his hand cut off in a bagel machine
Con Law Prof: we're trying to have a serious conversation here...
1L: it was pretty serious to him!

Con Law Prof: you're all looking at me like i'm crazy. (pause) i mean, i may be, but you all don't know the half of it.

-- Overheard by TEC


Contracts I prof on meeting of the minds: It's like if you were at Griffith Park and you asked a guy for a dime bag, but he thinks you mean oral sex.
-- Overheard by Mr. Rule 11

Deposor's Q: "Are you sexually active."
Deposee's A: "No, I just lie there."

-- Overheard by LP

From a discussion on interpreting Lawrence v Texas:

1L #1: You have to take precautions to make sure they don't injure you.
1L #2: Yeah, you have to clip their little nails.
1L #1: No you have to tape up their paws. I took a class on it.
1L #3: You took a class on gerbilling?
1L #2: I can't believe you took gerbilling.
1L #1: It wasn't a class on gerbilling. There was gerbilling in the

-- Overheard by BG

Crim Prof: “Guys say lots of things to get sex: 'I’m a member of an NFL team…I'll make you a star… I'll help you… I love you....'”
Crim Prof: "You’ve all fallen for that one?"
Later same class:
1L: “Well, I know that both men and women lie to get sex.”
Crim Prof interrupting: “Women don’t need to lie in order to get sex… I don’t propose any stereotypes here. Let's face it.”
All overheard by "There's No Competiton in Law School"

In a discussion of Boro v. Superior Court (a woman who was told that she had to have sexual intercourse with a donor injected with a serum that would cure her disease):
Crim Prof: What kind of sex did she think it was?
1L: Therapeutic sex
Crim Prof: sexual healing...

You know what looks good on hippies? FIRE

Con Law Prof describing Scalia's concurrence in Texas v. Johnson, the flag burning case:
"This guy is an awful, disgusting hippie, but I can't do the nasty things that I want to do to him."

-- Overheard by SH

Obsess Much???

(via IM)
Obsessive 2L: he was all: "i wont be free during this week, but the weekend is lookin good"
Obsessive 2L: so we should def figure somthin out
Obsessive 2L: "catch u later man"
Obsessive 2L: mmmmmmmmmm
Obsessive 2L: "man"
Obsessive 2L: thats hot
Obsessive 2L: i cant believe he says man
Obsessive 2L: that makes me crazy

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

What's the Over/Under on Tomorrow's Attendance?

Discussing that the end of the semester is approaching, and that we should all probably be starting to study for finals:

Civ Pro Prof: I'm surprised to see so few empty seats. I am happy to see that you're all here, but I'm beginning to question your priorities.

Just kidding.

Italian Guest Professor (following an excited outburst): “I misunderstood you and I was enthusiastic on the basis of my misunderstanding. My apologies. That is incorrect”

Which Authority Should I Cite?

1L: In my opinion…
Property Prof: Your opinion’s worth something to me, but the statute is probably more controlling.

Monday, April 10, 2006

A new suspect class?

From a discussion surrounding constitutional rights:

3L: "Whether they are on the shit list is not appealable"

This is why we pay tuition??

Prof: In our library, you may notice that we have entire empty shelves. These shelves cannot support the weight of paper, so they will never be filled with books.

Commentary: WTF?

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Love hurts

2L: I shouldn't drink. Drinking makes me lonely. Lately, my pillow hasn't helped me. I wake up and it's behind me. Even my pillow doesn't love me.

Curiousity killed the kid

Son to Father: What's that?
Father to his son: Why do you ask so many questions? One day you're going to get SHOT asking so many questions. Stop asking questions. Do you want to get SHOT?
Random Senior Citizen speaking to random middle-aged man: Grandchildren are just our rewards for not killing our own children.