Friday, April 07, 2006

Prosecutorial Misconduct

Overheard in Advanced Criminal Procedure:

Defense-Lawyer-Turned-Professor: You can't call a witness an animal, I think that is self evident to us all

State's-Attorney-in-Training-Gunner: Only if you are a communist

Defense-Lawyer-Turned-Professor: Did you just call me a communist

State's-Attorney-in-Training-Gunner: Maybe...

Conflating Property and Philosophy

1L: so, why is this a problem? Aren't people required to record title at a transfer?
Property Prof: So basically what you're asking is, "Why am I here?"
1L: Umm...
Property Prof: No, that's a good question. I ask myself that every day.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Blackacre is very public

2L girl: He asked me to come over before our last simulation.

2L guy: whoa.

2L girl: And i was like, oh, come over to blackacre?

2L guy: Why'd you say ok?

2L girl: I was ok to go to blackacre b/c we were sim partners, but i was not ok to go to his house b/c we are not rape partners

Is that Kosher?

2L: Everybody wants a Jew lawyer. They're great!

Hearsay for 200 bob...

Evidence Professor was discussing why his exam will be, "unlike any other you've taken in law school"

2L:"This isn't a test. This will be a game show..."
Evidence class is discussing dying declarations.

2L: Wait, a homicide means somebody died, right?
Prof: I'm going to make a note of that, in case I ever teach first year criminal law.

Character and Fitness?

LRW Prof: 1L, you’re from California, how would you cite to section 307(f) of the California Penal Code.

1L: I don’t know…I mean, I’ve been prosecuted under the penal code, but I’ve never cited to it.

It's Good to be the Dean

Property Professor: Let's say I become dean of the law school then I decide it's time to marry one of my former students

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

comedy or dread

on the last day of the term....

Business orgs prof: "Welcome to what will hopefully be your last session of Business orgs. If not then i hope you elect to take me again..."

(and Yes, in class you could hear him bolding the 'hopefully')

Who Cares About Coed Education?

On U.S. v. Virginia

1L: I think it's a great thing for state money to have little boys running around naked?

overheard by J

It's because we know our future

Overheard while walking past the public use computers in the law library…

“Law students just seem to be so disenchanted.. They all walk around with the same look on their face.”


Bundle of quotes

Contracts Prof explaining about unconscionability, described rent to own contracts: "You know how they work. You can rent a $89 phone for $9 a week for the rest of your life."

1L: "Why can't the renters just save their money and then buy it?"

Contracts Prof: "If you buy seeds from a company called Funk Seeds, you pretty much get what you deserve."


Contracts Prof: "The phone company used to have the slogan 'let your fingers do the walking,' with this little picture of fingers walking. What is that? It's like the gang sign for the phone company!"


Contracts Prof: "If you see a lot of exculpation going on, you feel rather exclupatory."


CivPro Prof: "California doesn't have common law marriages. We just live in sin. We're used to it."

- blondelaw at

A nifty start to the end of the world

Professor: "What do we call 10000 nuclear weapons aimed at the heart of the Soviet Union?"

2L: "A good start"

Later on in the same class:

Professor: "The nifty thing about nuclear war is that it only lasts an hour and a half"

What our Tuition Dollars REALLY Pay For...

2L #1: What do you do with old CD's with information that you don't want people to see?
2L:#2: Put it in the microwave!
2L #1: What?!? Doesn't that hurt the microwave?
2L #2: Well, don't leave it in there for too long. (pause) You know, you should really use the SBA (Student Bar Association) microwave.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


Simulation Prof: I was just trying to wet your appetite a bit...
1L: Oh, well I'm wet.

knowing is half the battle

Property Professor: What rule should we take away from this case?

1L: Don't live in a trailer park.

Exclusion of the Fruit from the Poisonous Tree

Criminal Procedure Prof: How does one purge the taint?

2L: A hot water douche

As an Aside:
2L: I am going to get really tired of the prof talking about 'purging the taint' for the next 45 minutes...

The Legislature In The 70's

Con Law Prof: As long as you were not on an acid trip at the time you passed this statute, everything is going to be fine.

Monday, April 03, 2006

International Search and Seizure

International Law Prof: "So how would this law [an anti-terrorism statute] and the Geneva convention interact the 4th amendment?"

Zoned Out 2L #1: "The 4th amendment? How can we illegally search and seize a country?"

Zoned Out 2L #2: "Imagine the Chief Justice saying, 'I'm sorry W, you have to give back Madagascar now'"

Sweet unpreparedness

Professor: "Why don't you [gesturing towards a student] tell us about this case"

Student: [After a delay] "Are you talking to me?"

Professor: "Yes, tell us about the case"

Student: "I'm sorry, I just put an M&M in my mouth"

Iron Chef I

BA Prof, judging the Con Law Prof "Iron Chef": "Usually we review this kind of thing using briefs as well, but in this case [Civ Pro female prof] has no briefs. (pause) Of course, since there are no briefs, we have to award the best oral advocates, the one with the slickest tongue. So today I am going to award the most cunning linguist."


BA Prof: "As we know, Con Law Prof #1 was a clerk for [Supreme Court Justice]. Recently she fell asleep during oral arguments. This begs the question as to what she's doing late at night that she's so tired during the day. The answer is that she spends long nights with her past and present clerks. So, we award Con Law Prof #1 for his excellent service."

The best kind of friends

2L#1: Want to know how I make friends?
2L#2: (nods)
2L#1: (pushes a book entitled "Prison Sex: Practice and Policy"* towards 2L#2)

* Hensley, Christopher, ed. Prison Sex: Practice and Policy. (Lynne Rienner Publishers, Inc. 1st edition 2002.)

She was lying.

Legal Writing Professor trying to get 1L to go up to the podium and practice his oral argument in front of the class:

Professor: Oh come on Mr. 1L, its only 30 seconds or a minute of your time.
1L (Chuckles): Ha, yea, that's what SHE said.
Professor (laughs and looks bewildered): Mr. 1L, please don't ever say that in court...

Posted by: Anonymous

Quagmire says, 1986 was a good year! giggedy giggedy

CivPro Prof: "In 1986, it was legal for employers to sexually harrass all of your mothers."

Overheard by MM

Truth hurts!

Torts Prof [to 1L]: "Try to form an argument that's not so stupid."

Overheard by MM

Because poop is funny.

Property Prof: "You can't poop in this house"


Overheard by MM

Is it a Geriatric Ward or a Law School or Both?

2L #1: [Right after this old and confused man hobbles past] What’s that professor’s name?

2L #2: You mean, Professor ‘One-foot-in the grave.' Yeah, I have no idea, but I know I was told to avoid his classes like the plague

2L #3: I would tell his students that unstead of bringing an apple to class, they should bring him Ensure

2L #1: Ain’t tenure grand?

The most effective methods are often cruel...

Re: How to get a witness to testify at trial...

PR Prof: You instill the fear of God in him by talking shit.

Same difference

2L #1: (doing a crossword) Do you spell "reap" like "reap what you sow," r-e-e-p?
2L #2: No, it's r-e-a-p.
2L #1: You would know, it's Jewish and Biblical.
2L #2: Yeah, like don't fear the reaper?
2L #1: Is that biblical?
2L #2: No, I think that's Blue Oyster Cult.

Filthy Swine

Prof: If you block off one route what happens ? Lawyers are like water flowing downhill, they'll seek out another crevice in which to sue.

Tell it Like it Is

Prof: Well, if you're gonna go off the rails in a big way in constitutional analysis, you may as well do it through faulty private analysis.

Property P's & Q's

Property Prof: You're Dixon's lawyer; what are the words that you use??
1L: Uh, constructive something.
Property Prof: No! What are the magic words??
1L: Please and thank you!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

well, that's a skill not every lawyer has

Guy: Well, can we work on the project on Tuesday?
Girl: I can't. I'm volunteering at the Free Clinic.
Guy: Oh. What's the Free Clinic?
Girl: It's near campus...they provide all kinds of medical services to people who can't afford it.
Guy: Cool. What do you do there?
Girl: I deal with lab specimens. If you ever need a urinanalysis or a pregnancy test, I'm your girl.