BA Prof, judging the Con Law Prof "Iron Chef": "Usually we review this kind of thing using briefs as well, but in this case [Civ Pro female prof] has no briefs. (pause) Of course, since there are no briefs, we have to award the best oral advocates, the one with the slickest tongue. So today I am going to award the most cunning linguist."
BA Prof: "As we know, Con Law Prof #1 was a clerk for [Supreme Court Justice]. Recently she fell asleep during oral arguments. This begs the question as to what she's doing late at night that she's so tired during the day. The answer is that she spends long nights with her past and present clerks. So, we award Con Law Prof #1 for his excellent service."