love me tender

1L #1- What is "legal tender"?
1L #2- It's when you develop a special kind of relationship with your lawyer...
1L #3- It's when you start spooning.
1L #4- What about illegal tender?
1L #2- That's when you start spooning with the other guy's lawyer...
1L #1- It's like "ex parte" tender...

Overheard by hick narcissus

He's a Republican?

Re: Doing trust work for a murderer (This professor also defended German banks in Holocaust litigation.)

Civ Pro Prof: "It's one of the reasons why my resume reads like an application to hell."

Overheard by Bruski

Typical virgin mistake

3L: All sex is prostitution.
Prof: Well, that's an interesting way to end class.

Overheard by JW

if I were in high school, i'd be crying

Overheard at a job interview:

Senior partner: this firm is a cross between a gym class, a sweatshop, and a locker room.

Overheard by Ex.Coll.

At least it wasn't Gilbert Godfrey opening the box...

Re: 404(a)

Prof: Does anyone know what Pandora's Box is? Who's Pandora anyway? I imagine Angelina Jolie opening the box, and all this shit coming out! And we're talking about really bad shit here!

Overheard by EN

That's gotta hurt

In Civil Procedure (taught by the dean of the law school):

Dean: Do you see any good lawyers in this room?

1L: (looking around at classmates) No.

Dean: Well, thanks the hell a lot!

Overheard by AB

They charge extra for waterboarding

2L #1 was complaining about the 30 hours she had spent working on the authority checks for a law review article.
2L #2: "Well at least you're paid well for that."
2L #1 (looking blankly at the other 2L): "You mean I'm paying for that measly credit."
2L #2: "You have to pay to do that shit? That's like getting a bill for your stay at Gitmo."

Overheard by The LawBitches

Biological clocks do tick

Crim law prof: "You can't ever wait too long to get married. Well, unless you're a woman."

Overheard by Nova

Zoning restrictions

Property Prof: "Ok, are you ready? I'm going to throw a hooker at you!"

Overheard by Mel

On Rehnquist

Re: Locke v. Davey

Con Law Prof: This is such a poorly written opinion ... He was just getting sloppy in the end.

Honesty: Not ALWAYS The Best Policy

Guest Speaker: You know, your careers are going to be what you make of them, so make them count.

Smart-ass 3L: *in a singsong voice* I smell disbarrment....

More MPRE Fun...

MPRE Instructor discussing avoiding appointment: Pretty much any reason works. Like, 'You're poor? That's disgusting!'

****

MPRE Instructor discussing restrictions on advertising: You can't tell people your father is on the Illinois Supreme Court. People will ask, 'So are you retarded too?'

paging Dr. Freud

MPRE Review Instructor: Regarding sleeping with your clients, if you start sleeping with them *after* the attorney-client relationship is formed, that's a no-no and you have to pull out. I mean withdraw. Crap. Okay, you can't be their lawyer anymore.

I Hope They're Not Discussing Halloween Costumes

2L#1: But the ATCA is jurisdictional. It doesn't create a federal cause of action.
2L#2: Well it does create a federal cause of action in some limited situations...like piracy.
2L#1: But piracy would already be under federal jurisdiction, since it's maritime law.
2L#2: Not necessarily. What about music pirates? Or internet pirates? Or butt pirates?

...

2L#2: Why do they call them butt pirates?
2L#1: Because when you put your penis in their butt, they go, "AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!"