Friday, March 03, 2006

At least we're not 1Ls anymore...

(Girl in library crying, quietly, with friend trying to comfort her while still working on her laptop.)
Crying 1L: This school has ruined my fucking life.
Working 1L: At least you won't have to be a lawyer forever.
Crying 1L: Huh?
Working 1L: I mean, we'll die someday. That'll feel good, right?

Ignorance is bliss...

(After a review session for a final exam)
2L: You need to relax. Look how calm I am.
2L #2: You're only calm because you weren't paying attention.

Sign me up for THAT kind of Advocacy!

2L (discussing a Trial Advocacy assignment): Yeah, so it's a relatively easy assignment.
Disgruntled 2L: ...YOU'RE easy!
2L: Well, that's not a secret!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Mario would be so Proud

Securities Prof: What other thing is the SEC concerned with here? It sounds like something a plumber would be concerned with?

Student: Liquidity?

Meddling Eggheads

Prof: There’s nothing in the historical record to support this. Kenneth Culp Davis wrote a law review article and the Court jumped on board. The standing requirement is a real testament of the power of law professors to make a mockery of Constitutional Law.

Feisty again today

Crim Pro Prof: "What should a reasonable crack possesser answer when the officer can feel the rock during a Terry frisk? That's easy. 'It's a gumball!'"

2L: "Doesn't all of this seem totally freaky and Orwellian, all Big Brother is watching you?"
Crim Pro Prof: "No shit!"

2L (the same as above): "I don't understand how a gamma ray machine or whatever could ever replace a pooch. I mean an officer can say it does, but it's still not a pooch."
Crim Pro Prof: "So the gamma ray machine doesn't lick your hand, so what?"

There Goes Your A

Bald Prof: 1L #1, I’d just like to say I like your hat. I have nothing else for you, but that’s a fine looking hat.

1L #1: Thank you.

Bald Prof: 1L #2, you’re not wearing a hat, so I can’t compliment you on it…I’ll have to ask you a few questions instead.

1L #2: I do have nice hair…you could compliment me on that.

Bald Prof: That is the most insensitive thing anyone has ever said to me!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

On Trial Strategy...

Trial Advocacy Prof: "Let me tell you what I would me tell you what an attorney with a normal ego would do..."

The right to remain silent...

Trial Advocacy Prof: "You have the 5th amendment right to remain silent, at least for the next couple of days. That is until they change it to be a violation of the Patriot Act."

oooh! that's way better than a contingent fee!

I gotta get me one of these.

Hat tip: Majikthise

law students at lunch

2L: Oh, you got Cheetos. Those look really yummy.

1L: Yeah, I went up to the vending machine thinking I wanted chocolate, but then I saw Cheetos and thought "I must have partially hydrogenated soybean oil!"

perhaps these comments are related?

Guy #1: So [friend] was trying to tape that girl he's been seeing naked, so he left his web cam on. The only thing on it is her yelling "Why is the fucking red light on? Are you taping me, you pervert?!"

Guy #2: Dude, that's so funny. I wanna try that.

Guy #1: Yeah, well, he tried it with a law student. Don't try it with one of those girls. They'll, like, sue you or something.

Several minutes pass...

Guy #2: I'm still mad about our grades on that exam.

Guy #1: Me too! I can't believe we were dead last.

Bolstering the Witness???

*After pulling a chair out for girl returning to class from using the restroom*
Evidence Prof (aside): Teacher of the Year!

Show us your ...

2L#1 (male): [2L#2 (female)], I would have expected you to be wearing way more beads than you are right now.
2L#3 (female): If I had a dollar for every time I've seen [2L#2]'s boobs...
2L#1: Well technically I've never seen them; the lights were off...
2L#2: Now now, those were my shoulder blades. Try to tell the difference next time, ok?

What a future awaits!

Prof (talking about Anna Nicole Smith's appearance before the Supreme Court): So she marries this guy and he's like 96 or something. But you know what? He used to be a law professor. So there's something for me to look forward to!

Serious material defects

Discussing a hypothetical in which Nicolas Cage buys a $450,000 car:

Writing Prof: "A $500 part on a $450K car? You're going to renig because of a $500 part? Suck it up and deal, Nicolas Cage!"

and later in the same class:

Writing Prof: Before you finish that contract, you must put in a clause that assures you that Nic Cage was not stoned when he agreed to buy the car.

BA Faux Pas

Corporations Prof: "So, this was a tough issue. You can see the Delaware court was groping with a way around the 'business purpose' rule. Groping? Did I say groping? I meant grappling..."

Overheard by Grace


From a 1L Criminal Law class, discussing a dog-mauling case:

Prof: "There was even evidence which suggested that the defendants had a sexual relationship with the dogs in question...and that they had an adoptive son...who may also have been involved in that particular menage. Or, if you like, menagerie."

Overheard by kommishoner

Overheard at Quinnipiac University School of Law

Property Professor trying to get the class to tell him the history of the U.S.

Property Professor: Ok so the English came over, and then what happened?
Class: Silent
Property Professor: Who has been to Williamsburg?
Property Professor: Ahhh yes Mr. 1L!
1L: Oh, I was just raising my hand to say that yes, I've been to Williamsburg.
Property Professor: Oooookkkkaaayyy. Well, did you learn anything while you were there?
1L: No, I didn't actually.
Property Professor: Ooooookkkkkaaay.
1L: I really mostly golfed and ate pancakes.

Overheard by SR

History degrees ARE useless

International law class, the Professor calls on a student to give the facts of a late 1940's, early 1950's case:

ILP: What was important going on at this time?

Student: Oh, there was some war.

ILP: Some war?

Student: Yea, some war... Oooooh, World War II.

-- Overheard by lawbrat

We're Better than Jesus

Overheard in lawyering class:

"I don't know why our client hides things from us. We're like his priests, except we can actually fix things."

-- Overheard by FYKL

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Please Don't Go...

Prof: It's always interesting, the LLMs always come from the same countries, Japan, Germany, Korea, have we ever had a French LLM?

Student: We had like three last year.

Prof: Maybe we scared them away. Anyway, so assuming we're in a French Court, there's a picture of Napoleon on the wall, and the virtues of the French Revolution are still being extolled despite what our friend Edmund Burke sad about it...

We'll All Get Through This Together

1L: Uhh…umm…uhh…

Crim Law Prof: Come on, just say something, so we can all make fun of you and move on.

Alito and...

Professor: Maybe the right-to-die issues are just a bit closer to where the Supreme Court Justices sit than abortion or homosexual sodomy. Well, maybe not closer than homosexual sodomy.

My Kind of Exam

Upon completion of a far-too-indepth discussion of the wig wearing tradition of the English Legal System...

Comparative Law Professor: See, this is the kind of discussion that is important. There is no final exam for this class. But if there was, you can guarantee that this would be on it.


Human Rights Prof: It's just about that time in the Spring Semester where you get to learn that my geekiness extends beyond human rights: Did anyone watch the basketball game last night? *Insert Basketball Banter Which I Don't Understand* Which, of course, has no bearing on my preparation for this class, since, Professors prepare ahead - right? But I suppose I haven't spent as much time on this subject recently as I have spent on fan forums... anyway, the Eastern Regional Finals are next week and so we'll have a lot of time for basketball in the future. I'm really a fan!

Think first, speak later

While discussing the ethics of lying to the Unabomber in order to obtain apsychiatric analysis against his direction...

PR Prof: "I feel like I could write some futuristic novel where this is our hero, the Unabomber... I haven't exactly thought out the screenplay."

-- Overheard by livinginthelaw

The real reason for Spring Break

Civ Pro Prof: This is so out of character for me, but I'm actually going onvacation over Spring Break. Usually I just stay here and feel sorry for myself,then when you all get back, I call on people with tans.
-- Overheard by Chutch (please welcome said author as the 1st of 3 new permanent posters!)

The Doctrine of Practicality

Professor, while discussing the legality of synching a recording of "You've Got A Friend" to a slide show for the Animal Legal Defense Fund (which, technically, requires a license):

It's the "Who's gonna complain test." This is not an actual doctrine of law. Don’t write this down.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Some say ambulance chaser, I say crusader for the little guy

A practicing adjunct professor and civil rights attorney on how to make it rich:

"I used to do a lot of housing cases because they were easy. You send in a tester and bam! You win a lot of money. Easy Money!"

Expert Toker?

Evidence Text Book Note: See United States v. Johnson, 575 F.2d 1347, 1360 (5th Cir.1978) (An experienced user, who "had smoked marijuana over a thousand times," was permitted to testify that a certain marijuana came from Columbia. "He based his identification upon the plant's appearance, it's leaf buds, stems, and other physical characteristsics, as well as upon the smell and the effect of smoking it.")

I feel used

Exerpted from a 1L's notes:

1L: "Prof. L– not too bad for a prof... actually kind of hot... but soooo married!"
1L, in a follow-up on the previous note during the next class: "Prof laski from Saved By The Bell The College yrs?"

Over...written by MO'M

Conservative Con Law Prof?

CCLP: "Liberals wake up in the morning and try to figure out how to make the world better... conservatives wake up and say 'thank god i wasnt stabbed overnight... everything's okay.'"

CCLP, Introducing class to his judicial philosophy: "I am more Borkian....than Bork."

CCLP: “The one thing you gain in law school that is useful to being a lawyer is a higher tolerance for personal embarassment…I mean, you have to be able to stand up in a courtroom and say ‘OJ is innocent.’”

CCLP: “Government is dangerous; that’s why we should have as little of it as possible.”

CCLP, Discussing McCulloch: “My tax is unconstitutional? Your whole goddamn bank is unconstitutional, and so is your mother!”

CCLP: “That’s as commercy as commerce gets!”

-- Overheard by CLK

Sunday, February 26, 2006

But I imagine Blackacre with a rich baritone.

Prof: "Properties don't really talk to eachother. You know that, right?"

Well, it concerns me

Prof: "Property doesn't drink beer, people do. If my neighbor brings over beer for the express purpose of pouring it on the ground, maybe we could say it meets the touch and concern requirement."


Out of the goodness of my heart, I am asking for three (3) new permanent posters who promise to eavesdrop to the best of their abilities.

I will only let you be a permanent poster if:

  • You promise to post twice a week.
  • The posts must be remotely amusing.
  • You keep a "you have to be there to understand" to a minimum.
  • You have either sent me a quote already (link me to when it was posted) OR send me a new one.
  • You introduce yourself to me in the e-mail. Name, year in school, school. I won't lie, I'm looking for 1Ls and 2Ls because 3Ls don't give a shit anymore. I don't blame them. In fact, I envy them. As with law school in general, I will choose you based on the school you go to. I am looking for some ivy leaguers to give this blog some cred. Just kidding, because I already have two. BOO-YAH. I'm looking for people from different schools than those represented already. For the number of you from Indiana who e-mail me, there's got to be one of you who wants permanent posting privileges.
If I get more than 3 people requesting posting privileges, I will post your quotes and we will judge you via comments.

Out of the badness of my heart, if you have permanent posting privileges already and have not posted in the past month, you may be dropped (with notice). If you don't want posting privileges anymore, let me know. I want more posts and I want them now.

Your admin,

The truth comes out

Crim Pro II Professor referring to his own lecture:This lecture really blows. And I don't mean that in a sexual way.

Overheard by HS

The best kind of friends

1L: well, they were “friends”

Civ Pro Prof: Friends with benefits! That’s a relatively new term for me. We didn’t have that when I was your age. I mean, we had it, we just didn’t call it that.

-- Overheard by WLE

Tell me about it

Straight 1L guy: It's wierd enough waking up next to a dude, not to mention it being a different guy than you thought you were sleeping with.

-- Overheard by Chutch

Pre-Roberts and Alito days

2L (discussing Justice Scalia's opinions): Scalia flames other people! He even flames other justices! I bet he doesn't eat lunch with the other Justices.
2L #2: Nah, he's the bully that's stealing Justice Souter's lunch money.

Overheard by the BLS

Property Grab Bag

Property Prof.: You have a 50/50 chance on this's either yes or no.
1L: I'm gonna go with yes.
Property Prof.: Is there a shorter and more accurate answer?

Overheard by Chutch

Property prof: Why do I have to do this?
1L: Because you get paid.
Property prof: All right, I get paid. But that isn't why I do this...I do this because I love you.

Overheard by Homie

oh, the shame

Westlaw Student Rep #1: I'm so disappointed with myself! I missed a trivia question.

Westlaw Student Rep #2: It's okay, I missed two, but I feel really bad about it.