just answer the damn question!

While discussing a deposition which raised the issue of loss of consortium.

3L #1: So I asked her if her husband still showed her affection. And she said yes, he brings me flowers.
3L #2: Sadly, that's not really the relevant question.
3L #3: Seriously. The real question is "Are you getting head?"

Living Healthy Through Class Attendence

3L #1: Tell me why I bothered coming to this class?
3L #2: Because you needed to give your liver a break from all the beer you drink

you said it, not me

Student: That’s an excellent question.

Prof: You see? Normally I just offer shitty questions.

There's no such thing as a dumb question...

Prof: And why does he say this?
3L: That's an excellent question.
Prof: Because normally I ask shitty questions.

While discussing the relative roles of Circuit judges and Supreme Court justices and how Scalia and Breyer's views on being a Circuit judge changed after they were elevated to the high court:

Prof: Once you become the big pimp, you can cast off the playas.

suicide is painless

Guest lecturer: When the professor asked me to do this talk, I tried to come up with some way to keep a class of law students paying attention to an hour long lecture on employee benefits without them putting a gun to their head. I couldn't.

do lawyers have to use technology?

3L: I'm too stupid to operate the Smartboard.