[Con Law Prof forgets to turn off e-mail noticifaction voice]
Computer: You have a message from John Smith.
Con Law Prof: Well, that is just so embarrassing. Thank god that wasn't one of those enhance your penis size emails. I must get at least four or five of those a day. I mean, HOW MUCH do they know about me anyway?
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Dumb Blonde #1: What was the intent of the framers in writing the Constitution...what were they trying to achieve?
Dumb Blonde #2: I don't know...something having to do with like, uniting the states or something, right?
Dumb Blonde #1: What are the three branches of government laid out in the Constitution?
Dumb Blonde #2: Uhhhhh...the President, courts and stuff...and...uhhhh...something with the environment? Like preserving animals and shit?
Dumb Blonde #1: When laws are interpreted for constitutionality, do judges take into account the intent of the framers?
Dumb Blonde #2: Oh hell no....I mean, the framers were just a bunch of old guys...it would be WAY too hard to take all of those dude's different opinions and like, make one thing out of them. I mean, duh!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[Con Law Prof shows picture of gas station called The Lubritorium]: Can you imagine taking your car there? It sounds like it would get lubed up from every side.
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Guy to Girl: Can you speak up?
Girl: It's written on the board
Guy: I can't see the board...Jackass
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[Prof rooting around under podium to try to get a video cued up]: Wait a minute folks, I'm having a hard time getting it up.
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[Discussion about Miscegenation Laws and which states had them in 1965.]
Guy in front row: Texas.
Prof: Why?
Guy: I don't know...because they're Texas and it just seems like something that would happen there. I mean, it's Texas...and that's all I should have to say.
Girl: Oklahoma
Prof: Why?
Girl: Because it's next to Texas...I mean, they're bascially the same place.
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[Student gets called on the first day of school]: I'm sorry, I don't do homework assignments over the summer break so I didn't do the reading.
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[Prof explaining that over the summer he does Animal Rights work]: Hi, I'm Bob and I do animals.
Submitted by Energy Spatula
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Caged 2L girls
2L #1: Oh look, it's a little one and he has his exam!
2L #2: Where, where!!
2L #3: Awwwwww.
(frightened 1L runs from the 2L girls in the "cage")
2L #2: Where, where!!
2L #3: Awwwwww.
(frightened 1L runs from the 2L girls in the "cage")
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
That is the Best Way to Get at it
Con Law II Prof [While talking about Lawrence v. Texas, Gay Marriage and Sodomy]: Let me get at this backwards.
Best away message EVER
[2L] loses his Lexis Nexis password, is forced to call customer service. The following conversation ensues:
Lexis Nexis rep: well, your security question was spouse's name.
2L: I don't even have a spouse!
Rep: This is pretty funny, actually.
2L: What did I say, Shawn Kemp or something?
Rep: (after determining that 2L was indeed the 2L in question): You wrote "I will kill you."
-- Stolen from Brian.
Lexis Nexis rep: well, your security question was spouse's name.
2L: I don't even have a spouse!
Rep: This is pretty funny, actually.
2L: What did I say, Shawn Kemp or something?
Rep: (after determining that 2L was indeed the 2L in question): You wrote "I will kill you."
-- Stolen from Brian.
you have strange study skills...
2L #1: Hey, check it out, I think I pulled a tendon in my finger.
2L #2: That's GROSS.
2L #2: That's GROSS.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Contracts Prof: Mr. [student's name], please tell us about the next case.
1L: Yeah...I have to be honest, I'm still drunk from last night. I'm gonna have to pass.
Torts Prof: So, let's say you get a client with a similar problem, what would you do?
1L: I'd call Jim Sokolove. (editor's note: He's got commercials everywhere )
Trademarks Prof. [holding a poster of a pregnant girl scout]: I was going to tell you I was going to mount her...but that just sounded wrong.
Conlaw Prof [taking attendance]: Do we have a quorum?
2L: We have a minyan.
Evidence Prof: You know, I know you're all on instant messenger. I see one of you on this side of the room laughing and then, suddenly someone all the way over here is laughing.
Labor Prof: This arbitrator was tokin' some weed before he heard this case. In fact, that's gonna be one of the questions on the exam. "Was [arbitrator's name] tokin' on some weed before he heard this case?" The easy answer is yes.
Justice Kennedy: Wow, your school requires Conlaw? That's impressive! My school never did that!
2L: Where did you go to school?
Justice Kennedy: Harvard.
Conlaw Prof: When I first started teaching, one student wrote in his evaluation that I had nice legs.
Labor Prof: I dyed my hair since last we met. That's why I look different. My wife told me not to tell you, but I figured you may want to know what's different about me. I don't really know why I'm telling this to you all.
-- Submitted by 3L Carrie
1L: Yeah...I have to be honest, I'm still drunk from last night. I'm gonna have to pass.
Torts Prof: So, let's say you get a client with a similar problem, what would you do?
1L: I'd call Jim Sokolove. (editor's note: He's got commercials everywhere )
Trademarks Prof. [holding a poster of a pregnant girl scout]: I was going to tell you I was going to mount her...but that just sounded wrong.
Conlaw Prof [taking attendance]: Do we have a quorum?
2L: We have a minyan.
Evidence Prof: You know, I know you're all on instant messenger. I see one of you on this side of the room laughing and then, suddenly someone all the way over here is laughing.
Labor Prof: This arbitrator was tokin' some weed before he heard this case. In fact, that's gonna be one of the questions on the exam. "Was [arbitrator's name] tokin' on some weed before he heard this case?" The easy answer is yes.
Justice Kennedy: Wow, your school requires Conlaw? That's impressive! My school never did that!
2L: Where did you go to school?
Justice Kennedy: Harvard.
Conlaw Prof: When I first started teaching, one student wrote in his evaluation that I had nice legs.
Labor Prof: I dyed my hair since last we met. That's why I look different. My wife told me not to tell you, but I figured you may want to know what's different about me. I don't really know why I'm telling this to you all.
-- Submitted by 3L Carrie
Monday, December 12, 2005
Finals-time quotestravaganza, Monday edition
Evidence prof (while discussing the need for scientific expert testimony and the frye test): Many of us went into law because we were incapable of being trained in science and physics.
-- Submitted by Jaime
International Law prof: There's a Latin phrase for it, but my Latin's a little rusty. Which is to say, I don't speak Latin.
-- Submitted by Melanie
Sports law prof: If T.O. needs to smoke some weed to be happy, we should just keep him happy.
2L: (explaining why there was a large homosexual population in San Francisco): Its more accepting, its safer...
Law and Sexuality Prof: And it was the only place to get laid.
Ethics prof: If you ever find yourself moving shotguns and money for a client , your plan is probably not airtight
-- Submitted by Melissa
-- Submitted by Jaime
International Law prof: There's a Latin phrase for it, but my Latin's a little rusty. Which is to say, I don't speak Latin.
-- Submitted by Melanie
Sports law prof: If T.O. needs to smoke some weed to be happy, we should just keep him happy.
2L: (explaining why there was a large homosexual population in San Francisco): Its more accepting, its safer...
Law and Sexuality Prof: And it was the only place to get laid.
Ethics prof: If you ever find yourself moving shotguns and money for a client , your plan is probably not airtight
-- Submitted by Melissa
Fun with Melissa's ConLaw Prof
ConLaw Prof: They say that he died years ago and what you're seeing is really animatronic Cheney
2L: I believe that
ConLawProf: I dont, evil never dies
In re: 1st Amendment
ConLaw Prof: You have beaver shots, can I say beaver shots? Playboys have nude women, and hustler has beaver shots, is there a polite way of saying that?
ConLaw Prof: Handsome men in hunky poses oiled up, now THAT can get interesting!
ConLaw Prof: if you're ever bored and want you prurient interests appealed to, read state obscenity statutes, they're explicit.
ConLaw Prof: Apparently bestiality is big, I didn't even know it was possible until I came to law school, who knew?
ConLaw Prof: There are apparently a group of people that like to be peed on, and another group that likes sexual fun with defacatory matter.
ConLaw Prof: it's not considered lewd to display the penis in its flaccid state, which is how you gals are used to seeing it right?
ConLaw Prof: Today is obscenity day…all the words your mother didn't want you to say, we're saying them.
Con Law Prof: They had the Friday afternoon dirty movie in the Supreme Court…..someone had to screen these things.
ConLaw Prof: you have lots of bondage and S&M, I'm not so sure whether the average person finds manacles sexy
ConLaw Prof: 1973…everyone is getting stoned and having sex…..so it's not shocking to the Woodstock people but it is to rural Georgia
-- Submitted by Melissa
2L: I believe that
ConLawProf: I dont, evil never dies
In re: 1st Amendment
ConLaw Prof: You have beaver shots, can I say beaver shots? Playboys have nude women, and hustler has beaver shots, is there a polite way of saying that?
ConLaw Prof: Handsome men in hunky poses oiled up, now THAT can get interesting!
ConLaw Prof: if you're ever bored and want you prurient interests appealed to, read state obscenity statutes, they're explicit.
ConLaw Prof: Apparently bestiality is big, I didn't even know it was possible until I came to law school, who knew?
ConLaw Prof: There are apparently a group of people that like to be peed on, and another group that likes sexual fun with defacatory matter.
ConLaw Prof: it's not considered lewd to display the penis in its flaccid state, which is how you gals are used to seeing it right?
ConLaw Prof: Today is obscenity day…all the words your mother didn't want you to say, we're saying them.
Con Law Prof: They had the Friday afternoon dirty movie in the Supreme Court…..someone had to screen these things.
ConLaw Prof: you have lots of bondage and S&M, I'm not so sure whether the average person finds manacles sexy
ConLaw Prof: 1973…everyone is getting stoned and having sex…..so it's not shocking to the Woodstock people but it is to rural Georgia
-- Submitted by Melissa
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