[Con Law Prof forgets to turn off e-mail noticifaction voice]
Computer: You have a message from John Smith.
Con Law Prof: Well, that is just so embarrassing. Thank god that wasn't one of those enhance your penis size emails. I must get at least four or five of those a day. I mean, HOW MUCH do they know about me anyway?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dumb Blonde #1: What was the intent of the framers in writing the Constitution...what were they trying to achieve?
Dumb Blonde #2: I don't know...something having to do with like, uniting the states or something, right?
Dumb Blonde #1: What are the three branches of government laid out in the Constitution?
Dumb Blonde #2: Uhhhhh...the President, courts and stuff...and...uhhhh...something with the environment? Like preserving animals and shit?
Dumb Blonde #1: When laws are interpreted for constitutionality, do judges take into account the intent of the framers?
Dumb Blonde #2: Oh hell no....I mean, the framers were just a bunch of old guys...it would be WAY too hard to take all of those dude's different opinions and like, make one thing out of them. I mean, duh!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[Con Law Prof shows picture of gas station called The Lubritorium]: Can you imagine taking your car there? It sounds like it would get lubed up from every side.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guy to Girl: Can you speak up?
Girl: It's written on the board
Guy: I can't see the board...Jackass
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Prof rooting around under podium to try to get a video cued up]: Wait a minute folks, I'm having a hard time getting it up.
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[Discussion about Miscegenation Laws and which states had them in 1965.]
Guy in front row: Texas.
Prof: Why?
Guy: I don't know...because they're Texas and it just seems like something that would happen there. I mean, it's Texas...and that's all I should have to say.
Girl: Oklahoma
Prof: Why?
Girl: Because it's next to Texas...I mean, they're bascially the same place.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Student gets called on the first day of school]: I'm sorry, I don't do homework assignments over the summer break so I didn't do the reading.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Prof explaining that over the summer he does Animal Rights work]: Hi, I'm Bob and I do animals.
Submitted by Energy Spatula
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Caged 2L girls
2L #1: Oh look, it's a little one and he has his exam!
2L #2: Where, where!!
2L #3: Awwwwww.
(frightened 1L runs from the 2L girls in the "cage")
2L #2: Where, where!!
2L #3: Awwwwww.
(frightened 1L runs from the 2L girls in the "cage")
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
That is the Best Way to Get at it
Con Law II Prof [While talking about Lawrence v. Texas, Gay Marriage and Sodomy]: Let me get at this backwards.
Best away message EVER
[2L] loses his Lexis Nexis password, is forced to call customer service. The following conversation ensues:
Lexis Nexis rep: well, your security question was spouse's name.
2L: I don't even have a spouse!
Rep: This is pretty funny, actually.
2L: What did I say, Shawn Kemp or something?
Rep: (after determining that 2L was indeed the 2L in question): You wrote "I will kill you."
-- Stolen from Brian.
Lexis Nexis rep: well, your security question was spouse's name.
2L: I don't even have a spouse!
Rep: This is pretty funny, actually.
2L: What did I say, Shawn Kemp or something?
Rep: (after determining that 2L was indeed the 2L in question): You wrote "I will kill you."
-- Stolen from Brian.
you have strange study skills...
2L #1: Hey, check it out, I think I pulled a tendon in my finger.
2L #2: That's GROSS.
2L #2: That's GROSS.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Contracts Prof: Mr. [student's name], please tell us about the next case.
1L: Yeah...I have to be honest, I'm still drunk from last night. I'm gonna have to pass.
Torts Prof: So, let's say you get a client with a similar problem, what would you do?
1L: I'd call Jim Sokolove. (editor's note: He's got commercials everywhere )
Trademarks Prof. [holding a poster of a pregnant girl scout]: I was going to tell you I was going to mount her...but that just sounded wrong.
Conlaw Prof [taking attendance]: Do we have a quorum?
2L: We have a minyan.
Evidence Prof: You know, I know you're all on instant messenger. I see one of you on this side of the room laughing and then, suddenly someone all the way over here is laughing.
Labor Prof: This arbitrator was tokin' some weed before he heard this case. In fact, that's gonna be one of the questions on the exam. "Was [arbitrator's name] tokin' on some weed before he heard this case?" The easy answer is yes.
Justice Kennedy: Wow, your school requires Conlaw? That's impressive! My school never did that!
2L: Where did you go to school?
Justice Kennedy: Harvard.
Conlaw Prof: When I first started teaching, one student wrote in his evaluation that I had nice legs.
Labor Prof: I dyed my hair since last we met. That's why I look different. My wife told me not to tell you, but I figured you may want to know what's different about me. I don't really know why I'm telling this to you all.
-- Submitted by 3L Carrie
1L: Yeah...I have to be honest, I'm still drunk from last night. I'm gonna have to pass.
Torts Prof: So, let's say you get a client with a similar problem, what would you do?
1L: I'd call Jim Sokolove. (editor's note: He's got commercials everywhere )
Trademarks Prof. [holding a poster of a pregnant girl scout]: I was going to tell you I was going to mount her...but that just sounded wrong.
Conlaw Prof [taking attendance]: Do we have a quorum?
2L: We have a minyan.
Evidence Prof: You know, I know you're all on instant messenger. I see one of you on this side of the room laughing and then, suddenly someone all the way over here is laughing.
Labor Prof: This arbitrator was tokin' some weed before he heard this case. In fact, that's gonna be one of the questions on the exam. "Was [arbitrator's name] tokin' on some weed before he heard this case?" The easy answer is yes.
Justice Kennedy: Wow, your school requires Conlaw? That's impressive! My school never did that!
2L: Where did you go to school?
Justice Kennedy: Harvard.
Conlaw Prof: When I first started teaching, one student wrote in his evaluation that I had nice legs.
Labor Prof: I dyed my hair since last we met. That's why I look different. My wife told me not to tell you, but I figured you may want to know what's different about me. I don't really know why I'm telling this to you all.
-- Submitted by 3L Carrie
Monday, December 12, 2005
Late night study sessions gone wild
2L the first (to 2L the third): You get dicta
2L the second: Not as of late, according to prior conversations...
2L the third: I don't want dicta. I need somebody to want my dicta.
2L the second: Not as of late, according to prior conversations...
2L the third: I don't want dicta. I need somebody to want my dicta.
Concerning the BA Professor
Carmen DeFranco "Next time he fucks me, he better kiss me first."
(Attribution by special request)
(Attribution by special request)
Finals-time quotestravaganza, Monday edition
Evidence prof (while discussing the need for scientific expert testimony and the frye test): Many of us went into law because we were incapable of being trained in science and physics.
-- Submitted by Jaime
International Law prof: There's a Latin phrase for it, but my Latin's a little rusty. Which is to say, I don't speak Latin.
-- Submitted by Melanie
Sports law prof: If T.O. needs to smoke some weed to be happy, we should just keep him happy.
2L: (explaining why there was a large homosexual population in San Francisco): Its more accepting, its safer...
Law and Sexuality Prof: And it was the only place to get laid.
Ethics prof: If you ever find yourself moving shotguns and money for a client , your plan is probably not airtight
-- Submitted by Melissa
-- Submitted by Jaime
International Law prof: There's a Latin phrase for it, but my Latin's a little rusty. Which is to say, I don't speak Latin.
-- Submitted by Melanie
Sports law prof: If T.O. needs to smoke some weed to be happy, we should just keep him happy.
2L: (explaining why there was a large homosexual population in San Francisco): Its more accepting, its safer...
Law and Sexuality Prof: And it was the only place to get laid.
Ethics prof: If you ever find yourself moving shotguns and money for a client , your plan is probably not airtight
-- Submitted by Melissa
Fun with Melissa's ConLaw Prof
ConLaw Prof: They say that he died years ago and what you're seeing is really animatronic Cheney
2L: I believe that
ConLawProf: I dont, evil never dies
In re: 1st Amendment
ConLaw Prof: You have beaver shots, can I say beaver shots? Playboys have nude women, and hustler has beaver shots, is there a polite way of saying that?
ConLaw Prof: Handsome men in hunky poses oiled up, now THAT can get interesting!
ConLaw Prof: if you're ever bored and want you prurient interests appealed to, read state obscenity statutes, they're explicit.
ConLaw Prof: Apparently bestiality is big, I didn't even know it was possible until I came to law school, who knew?
ConLaw Prof: There are apparently a group of people that like to be peed on, and another group that likes sexual fun with defacatory matter.
ConLaw Prof: it's not considered lewd to display the penis in its flaccid state, which is how you gals are used to seeing it right?
ConLaw Prof: Today is obscenity day…all the words your mother didn't want you to say, we're saying them.
Con Law Prof: They had the Friday afternoon dirty movie in the Supreme Court…..someone had to screen these things.
ConLaw Prof: you have lots of bondage and S&M, I'm not so sure whether the average person finds manacles sexy
ConLaw Prof: 1973…everyone is getting stoned and having sex…..so it's not shocking to the Woodstock people but it is to rural Georgia
-- Submitted by Melissa
2L: I believe that
ConLawProf: I dont, evil never dies
In re: 1st Amendment
ConLaw Prof: You have beaver shots, can I say beaver shots? Playboys have nude women, and hustler has beaver shots, is there a polite way of saying that?
ConLaw Prof: Handsome men in hunky poses oiled up, now THAT can get interesting!
ConLaw Prof: if you're ever bored and want you prurient interests appealed to, read state obscenity statutes, they're explicit.
ConLaw Prof: Apparently bestiality is big, I didn't even know it was possible until I came to law school, who knew?
ConLaw Prof: There are apparently a group of people that like to be peed on, and another group that likes sexual fun with defacatory matter.
ConLaw Prof: it's not considered lewd to display the penis in its flaccid state, which is how you gals are used to seeing it right?
ConLaw Prof: Today is obscenity day…all the words your mother didn't want you to say, we're saying them.
Con Law Prof: They had the Friday afternoon dirty movie in the Supreme Court…..someone had to screen these things.
ConLaw Prof: you have lots of bondage and S&M, I'm not so sure whether the average person finds manacles sexy
ConLaw Prof: 1973…everyone is getting stoned and having sex…..so it's not shocking to the Woodstock people but it is to rural Georgia
-- Submitted by Melissa
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