On the bright side...

Judge: Well, we are only ten minutes into this thing and we are already talking about mortality. It's going to be a long day, folks.

(Public hearing on stylistic changes to the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.)

I'd hate to see what a cheesecake does.

In regards to reading a case while studying:

1L: this is so much information it gives me diarrhea just to think about it.

when jokes fall flat

BA prof: What are the three principles of securities law? Disclosure, disclosure, disclosure.

*silence*

BA Prof: That was supposed to be funny. A real rip snorter. But I don't see anyone's socks on the floor.

Built Ford Tough

Labor Prof: The Edsel? YUCK! This is the product of generations of inbreeding among the aristocracy!

gejtting the shaft

Tax prof: We usually don't say they got shafted. We say debts were discharged in the bankruptcy proceedings. It's more civilized.

Overheard in Appellate Court

Defense argument: The defendant's inability to cross-examine the [drug sniffing dog that found the drugs in his car] violates the Confrontation Clause and therefore the evidence must be suppressed because the defendant cannot cross-examine the dog.

-- Submitted by AS

Submitted quote-stravaganza!

Property professor discussing an injuction to remove an antenna: "itcomes down to...what's more important? a pristine view, or TV?"

-- Submitted by Nicolle N.

Tort prof talking about a case in Boston involving a car accident: How long has traffic been bad in Boston? Pretty much since the revolution right?

--Submitted by Jessica N.

At a space law moot court competition: "A journey into space is a journey far, far away."

-- Submitted by Thomas J.

1L #1: Um, the book here says that if a statue is as vague as Wiscon's first sentence, we can't do what you just told us to do.
Torts Prof: Read this very carefully. How many sentences does the Wisconsin statue have?
1L #2: ...TWO!
Torts Prof: Very good. Read carefully next time.

-- Submitted by Thomas V.

from a real live lawyer

From Mythago's blog.

Why you should prepare your witness for cross-examination:

Q. So did you ever try to contact any of the people who used your product, to see if they had become ill?

A. No, we didn't really deal with the tradesmen. We mostly sold to distributors.

Q. So that's a "no"?

A. That's a no.

Q. If you wanted to try to reach these guys, how would you go about it?

A. I don't know.

Q. Would contacting [this trade's local union] be a good place to start?

A. Probably.

Q. Did you ever give the union a call?

A. No. That would probably just lead to a whole bunch more lawsuits.

Hint: this is an example

Prof: What does tortuous mean?
Student 1: About food?
Student 2: Tort-ier, more full of tort.

You can't make this shit up.

Labor Prof: I don't know very much about trade secrets, but I think there are some secrets you don't want to be known... Yak testicles, maybe the sales of [Soda Company] would go down if that's the secret ingredient?

Labor Prof: Maybe if there are not any trade secrets to reveal they'll just leave yak testicles all over the chairs?

Appreciate what you've got ... doing it your way

Labor Prof: It’s not the manager’s fault that some slightly malshaped pickle, cucumber, didn’t get picked out – this is another part of the assembly line where the guys are picking out the slightly-too-long pickles going by – it makes you really appreciate going to law school and the opportunities you’re going to have – instead of standing up to mid calf in pickle juice and slush and much and ichhh.

judicial cynicism

BA Prof: And then you have this case, where the second circuit held that marriage is not a relationship of trust and confidence.

Torts Prof: Well, let's move on to the next case, because child molestation is sexy.

-- Submitted by Marta

Zombie law

Extraordinarily liberal State & Local Gov't prof: “I used to teach agency and partnership law. [More conservative professor] would be rolling in his…” (apparently realizing that the more conservative professor isn’t dead yet.)

-- Submitted by TI

This law is now a Jewish man!

Employment Discrimination professor in regards to a new law:
"This law has only had its Bar Mitzvah recently."

-- Submitted by James

Buy in bulk!

1L girl: man, at least you have a prof you can pine after. i just tend to sick with pining after classmates.

1L guy: yeah, that's probably more appropriate.

1L girl: yeah, and there's a better selection.

1L guy: that’s true...i'll stick to undergrads...even more selection...its like costco

-- Submitted by The Other Lisa

Classic Prof N on a Monday morning!

Prof N: Sometimes you can read something so one-sidedly in your favor that you’re laughed at. If the judge laughs, you’re in trouble.

Prof N: We have to assume people are acting rationally. On the other hand, we can’t assume that people have the same value system.

Prof N: (re: why promissory estoppel was called equitable estoppel in the early days) A new name sounds like you’re wingin’ it.

Prof N: We’re just talking about Contract Law, but there are other types of law, maybe not as beautiful...

-- Submitted by TI

fashion commentary

3L: I *hate* those boots. They're hideous! Why would you ever want to walk around wearing things that look like a pink sheep died wrapped around your calves?

2L: I dunno.

3L: They are clearly called Uggs for a reason! UGH! UGH! UGH!

2L: Careful. You don't want to start marketing them by mistake.