No, really, it was that bad.

Law students walking behind very slow walking non-law students:

Non-law student: I never really know where to put my pants to make them look and feel best.
Non-law student #2: That's easy. You put them in between the tummy and the fupa.
2L #1: Oh god I'm going to be sick.
2L #2: Negligent infliction of too much information.

OOOH BURNED

Conversation b/w Torts Prof and 1L about whether a plaintiff assumed the risk…

1L: "How drunk was she?"

Prof: "How drunk do you want her to be?"

1L: "You don't want me to answer that question."

Prof: "Well now we know what it takes for Mr. 1L to get a date."

-- Overheard by Anonymous

Perpetuate stereotypes? at law school? no way!

Con law class discussing sex discrimination at VMI:

1L female: But there are other things that women can do in the military besides serve on the front line.
Con law prof: Be secretaries?
1L female: No, like...
Con law prof: Cooking?

--Overheard by JC

and you thought YOUR gunners were bad...

In a Torts Class, talking about the duty to rescue, 1L has a habit of picking apart every hypo for every last possible scenario, no matter how unlikely)

Torts Prof: "Assume that I'm drowning, 1L, and you walk by and see that I'm drowning. Do you have a duty to rescue me?"
1L: "Well, do I know how to swim?"
Torts Prof: [visibly annoyed] "Sure"
1L: "Is this the ocean, or a river?"
Torts Prof: [more annoyed] "It doesn't matter...a river."
1L: "Is there a strong current?"
Torts Prof: [very frustrated, barks out:] "I'M DROWNING! YOU WALK BY, 1L! DO YOU RESCUE ME?"
1L: "That depends, do I know it's YOU?!"

Overheard by Law Student

Intentional Infliction of Ugly Distress

Property Prof: "There's no cause of action for ugliness... although maybe there should be."

Overheard by E

Equal spooning rights

Female 1L #1: "Usually I have to be the little spoon, because I'm usually with guys who are bigger than me. But when it comes to spooning with girls, I'm all for spooning equity."

(two minutes later)

Female 1L #2: "When I spoon with girls, it's usually with my sisters, and I get into trouble, because they forget that I'm not their boyfriend. All of a sudden I'm like 'hey, you just grabbed my ass -- what are you doing?' "

Why Are You Single Again?

Male 1L, discussing Title IX: The affidavit said, “Soccer is becoming more and more popular with women.” So is chocolate and crying, but you don’t see the federal government getting involved.

The joys of Con Law Seminar (part II)

Discussing the implications of Williams v Alabama (law banning the selling of adult toys) in class.

2L "the Federal Government regulates the sizes of Barbie's shoes - why can't they regulate viberators?"

3L "But what is the non-morals based rational basis for the ban?

2L:"I don't know - I think the Government could regulate the amount of voltage in a vibrator.
Think of the possible health and safety issues.

Different 3L "I just think that this shows that the people of Alabama are afraid of orgasms."

The joys of a Con Law Seminar on free speech (part 1)

Female 3L: "Just researching this topic [COPA/internet porn regulation]I get pop-ups all the time now. I mean i'll be on Westlaw and all of a sudden I get naked girls on my screen."
Con Law Prof:"Oh yeah, you're gonna lose your account."

God bless the laptop

Con Law II Prof: If you're going to do obscenity, you should have some examples, but as I said yesterday, I'm a prude. I figure you can find some on your own...

(two minutes later)

Maybe you already have.

Hot Babes!

Evidence Prof: (while holding a framed, signed picture of Jane Pauley) When you get to be my age, this is a babe.

It doesn't matter where you go

Prof.: I saw some guys out of Harvard that I wouldn't give a traffic violation to.

Robbing from the rich and the courts give it to the..

Civil Rights Professor: "There will be cases where the court will award the client $5000 in backpay and the attorney $100,000 in fees. I see no problem in that."

How to view testimony

Trial Advocacy Prof. on tactics: "[The testimony] is an attractive nuisance; you know that half-full swimming pool or the very attractive woman that you date for a few days that makes you want to kill yourself..."

At least we're not 1Ls...Part II

Nervous 1L: Ok, so assumption of risk means [blah, blah, blah].

2L: *gives a funny look to 1L*

Nervous 1L: What? Is that wrong? Oh, god, please tell me that's right?

2L: Sure. I mean, I really don't remember if it is or not.

Nervous 1L: Oh, god, I am going to get below median.

2L: You sure are. *chuckles*

Me too.

Torts Prof: “Now, let's move on to satisfaction and release. I too thought it was going to be much more fun than it really is.”

-- Overheard by anonymous

Out of the mouth of babes

K Prof: What is a surrogate mother?
1L: Basically? A womb for hire.

-- Overheard by MO'M2

Caring 1L's

1L giving a presentation on Bluebook citation: "I know you were all worried about summer jobs so I got you these." (Hands out McDonald's & Wendy's applications.)

-- Overheard by MO'M2

More Scalia Hating

Civ Pro Prof: I'm not going to say that Scalia is the champ of bad ideas . . . but they don't seem to bother him much.

Submitted by BD

reporting for duty, sir!

Prof (pausing in the middle of lecture to examine his forearm): Damn, I'm bleeding all over the place. I wonder what happened... (he fumbles with his shirt sleeve, rolling it up to examine the cut.)

3L in last row: Soda water!

Prof: Huh?

3L: Soda water will get the stain out.

Prof (looks to the door and then back at 3L): No, no. Soda water will have to wait. I can't leave my post!

Hindsight is 20/20

3L: So we thought we might have an academic planning session so you can learn about different classes and different professors.

2L: I think that’s a great idea. I wouldn’t have taken certain classes if we had one of these last year.

1L: I wouldn’t have come to law school if you’d had one earlier.

Anonymous grading? Oh, well in that case...

When professors are really informal - be prepaired for informal students.

Evidence Professor: "Mr. 2L what do you think? Is this statement getting in?
2L: "Oh. I'm sorry. Just because I was looking at you doesn't mean I was paying attention."

Eh. Is that a term of art?

Prior to discussion on the Bower and Lawrence cases

Con Law 2 Prof (a british guy so imagine the accent): "Sodomy is (pause for effect) something that leaves a bad taste in your mouth and a pain in the butt."

Holy Times

Evidence Prof: What does this DWI infer?

2L: Festiveness?

Evidence Prof: Mardi Gras is over. We’re into Lent; the glass is half empty.

Whew!

Prof: So what about these fornication laws? You know they are still on the books...
Student: Um....
Prof: Oh, don't worry. They don't enforce them. You shouldn't worry.

They made a movie about that?!?

Constitutional Law Professor (discussing Watergate): And why did the Campaign to Re-elect the President break into the Watergate Hotel, Ms. 2L?

Ms. 2L: (pause) I don't know. You've got me at a part where I forget how it went in the movie.