Saturday, September 23, 2006

The secret to dealing with 1Ls

(I'm a TA for a Torts I prof. I asked him about some minor issue that a 1L was having the first week of classes)

Prof: "You need to realize that you are dealing with beginners. To them EVERYTHING is a crisis."

a little practical advice.

Prof. on his days defending criminals...

Prof :"They [prosecution] always called an insanity defense, 'a slow plead of guilty'."

Weekend plans...

1L : "I've decided. No matter what is happening on Friday i'm drinking ... ALOT."

Thursday, September 21, 2006

what is it with you rapists?!

3L: So I'm taking the dog outside last night, and I realize there's a guy in the bushes. And I think: "Fuck, I really don't want to be sexually assaulted right now. I so do not have time for that and all that emotional fallout shit."

That's exactly why

1L: I don't like small group work.
1L2: Yeah, well, you're a whore.

Overheard by LCS

Until she leaves, and then a thank you text

Prof: What if a girl consents to have sex with a man only if he tells her he loves her?
1L: How long exactly would he have to love her?

Overheard by JK

Consortium is legalese for sex

2L: I suppose he could recover for loss of consortium if he was unable to go hiking with his wife as a result of his injuries.
Tax Prof.: That's not what loss of consortium means.

Overheard by NG

Like a true champion

2L Guy: Hey, aren't you proud of me?
2L Girl: For what?
2L Guy: I read for once today.
2L Guy #2: It was 4 pages!
2L Guy: Whatever. Don't take away from my achievement. I think I'm going to ditch class to celebrate.

Overheard by Kai

That's not true, think of Wickard.

Con Law Prof: You're unlikely to lean anything in this class that will help you pass the bar.

Overheard by Sparky

Damn right

Law Prof: Is the reasonable person ever drunk?

1L: Uhh... I think he should be.

Overheard by PG

Al Sharpton Did Not Endorse This Message

Prop Prof: The liberals aren’t usually the ones saying, “Efficiency! Efficiency!”... they’re saying other things...they’re saying, “Civil rights” and other stuff...other crap.

Is that a squash or a legume?

Finance Professor: Did anyone do a search for "BETA?"
Student 1: Yeah.
Finance Professor: And?
Student 1: Well, uh, I got too many results. But if I searched for "beta" AND "CAPM" I got about thirty-six results.
Finance Professor: many did you get with just "BETA?"
Student 1: Over two thousand.
Finance Professor: Do I need to say more? Does this prove to you that you will see this term in court?
Student 1: Yeah, but it's a pretty vague word, so those cases probably include a lot of things that have nothing to do with finance.
Finance Professor: There is no other use for the word "beta."
Students giggle nervously.
Student 2: Well, there's the fish. And fraternity cases. And what about rootabeta?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Water Sports vs. The Chocolate Highway

(In considering a case where the male defendant killed another man for "the unmentionable act," i.e. the deceased raped defendant.)

3L: I think the guy peed on him.
Half the class: No, he raped him!
Prof: Not just rape... man rape!
3L: ...oh, well peeing on me would make me mad.

(Another case in which defendant killed the man who killed his son.)

Same 3L: Decedent had killed the son like years and years ago.
2L: Um, 9 or 10 months actually.
3L: Well, clearly I'm reading these cases really closely.

Overheard by: KT

Just Say No!

Journal Editor: I think she's on the drugs!
Second Year: Worse, I'm on the Journal.

The candyman can

Crim Pro Prof: What's the best way to get things into a jail?....
Get arrested for driving without a licence, cover yourself in heroine gelcaps, open your coat and... "Hey guys. The candy store's open!"

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Professors Want Excitement

Professor to 2L: How are you? Anything new or exciting?
2L: Well, if by 'exciting' you count losing electricity last night and reading Tax by flashlight...

Overheard by Emily

A venue transfer to the weight room

Civ Pro Prof: What does 1441 say?
1L: I don't know. My bookbag was too heavy to bring that book today.
Civ Pro Prof: Anybody stronger know the answer? Perhaps someone under 100 lbs who can shame him?

Overheard by Natalie

Monday, September 18, 2006

Quid Pro Quo???

Waiting for court hearing:
Client: So, do you come here often?

Oh God! That's what people say when they are hitting on someone!
Attorney: Just don't ask me my sign and we're okay.

Independent Thought: Clearly Overrated

Crim Pro Professor: "And why don't we know what reasonable is? Cause the Supreme Court hasn't told us yet."