All graduated and you're still not cool

Plaintiff's atty #1, closing arguments: Tip the scales of justice here people. Tip all the evidence that this death was accidental (leans whole body over to the left) against all the evidence that it's suicide (leans a tiny bit to the right, but still hangs left) . Clearly my client wins, if you just look at the scale.

Defense atty #1 (whispered): What a goddamn tool. Douchebag.

Lather, rinse, repeat

Prosecutor: Look, your client can plead, that's not a problem. But there's a mandatory loss of license for a year on this charge.
Defense counsel: We can't do a 6 month suspension instead?
Prosecutor: No. There's a mandatory minimum.
Defense counsel: What about the fine?
Prosecutor: We're going to recommend the minimum, no problems there.
Defense counsel: So the fine plus a 6 month suspension.
Prosecutor: What part of mandatory minimum do you not understand?
Defense counsel: I thought this was a plea negotiation.
Prosecutor: And if he pleads, he loses his license for a year.
Defense counsel: But why not six months?
Prosecutor: I give up.

Sorry Your Honor, But My Grandmother Died...Again.

Ethics Prof: Don't tell the same judge each time you need a continuance that your grandmother died. If you need to get more time, just give him the names of different people.