inquiring minds want to know

Legislation Prof (discussing Boutilier v. INS): Is 'sex pervert' like a restraint on trade?

Non-law student 1, law student 0

academically-excited-2L: Check out what this guy says in the reading
for my Philosophy of Criminal Law seminar!

non-law-student: Why does it keep talking about actors?

2L: It doesn't mean film stars. It just means a person who acts.

non-law-student: Man, am I glad I'm not you.


Overheard by Criminellie

Math! The Final Frontier!

Bus. Org. class discussion on calculations for stock profits:

Student 1: Wait, I don't understand your calculations. How'd you get those numbers?
Bitchy student: Math.

Overheard by EN

maybe there wasn't enough lube

In Entertainment Law - after a discussion of right of publicity in pornography

LLM Student: This class is like missionary. It's great your first time, then it gets old.
2L: Nah, it's more like anal. You keep thinking "Is he done yet? This hurts."

Overheard by RRS

Those nerds would know, after all

After a long and non-fulfilling conversation regarding pornography and free speech protection...

3L: "I just went in the law review office to check if there's still a 1st Amendment. There is."

Law School kills creativity.

Guest speaker who is a prosecutor: I haven’t had an original thought since I left law school. And back then I didn’t really have them, I just made sure to footnote it.

but if he gets acquitted, he's OJ'd

Crim Pro Prof: If he lies, he gets Scooter Libby'd.

a better way

Prof: Well, far be it from me to tell the justices...Wait, no, never mind. It's not far from me. Academics are full of hubris. You can write an opinion and not look like an idiot. Don't concur with yourself. Use Roman numerals!

what, no day of rest?

Overheard at church...

2L: Were you listening to the sermon? He said due diligence! I thought I could come here and get away from it all.
3L: Nah, the priest is waaay too overeducated not to use the proper term.

What kind of evidence is THAT?

During class, via IM
2L#1: what the heck is that thing he drew on the board?
2L#2: the "specificity triangle"
2L#2: it's like the pubic triangle but not as fun

sex and the city and the family

Wills and Trusts Prof: Can you rescind an adoption? Is it possible to say, I'm just not that into you?

TV is more interesting

Crim Pro Prof: The doctor was like Doogie Howser, 11 years old or something. You don't get Greg House as a prison shrink; you get people right out of school.

Sir, please step away from that vagina.

Overheard while walking in the halls.
Female Law Student: I wouldn't touch him with someone else's vagina!

Yeah, we're close.

3L: He called me a bitch. Only my mom calls me a bitch.

I got shot in the butt-tocks

Mock voir dire
Crim prof #1: Where'd you get shot, sir?
Crim prof #2: In the butt! It's a recent thing! People shoot the victim in the butt!

Nothing to Hide

Crim Pro Prof: What if Dean X went and decided to open and check your locker?
Student: That's fine, i've never used my locker.

You would know...

Professor: (after long explanation of how to conceptualize a transaction) But that is probably not the law.

That's a new one.

Professor: What do you think, Mr. Student?

Student: I'm sorry, I wasn't uhhhhh...awake.

Professor: You weren't awake?!?! (stares in disbelief)

*Submitted by I'm Kind Of A Big Deal*

oh, the mistakes we make

International Trade Prof: "this may seem counter-intuitive, why would any country agree to something that would make it worse off? just like my 1st marriage, it happens."

Freedom of Speech

Guest Speaker: What are the rules for language in this class?
Professor: Go right ahead. You can say fuck all you want.

It's called senioritis

3L #1: I don't want to keep reading for school. I read most of the important chunk of one case, is that enough?
3L #2: I opened the damn book and I feel like I've done enough

Indeed, as they DO say

Property prof: "They're only on the land about 25 days a year and they get full possession? "WTF?" as they say!"

Overheard by SA

It didn't have to do with potatos and shamrocks?

Prof: Can you tell us about the conversion of Ireland?
3L: I dunno. Something about St. Patrick and a snake? I am not sure
what he did with the snake.

Overheard by JW

Aha! Big firms are for losers!

Tax Prof: I recently attended my old law school classmate's 60th birthday party. The Rolling Stones played. He wasn't a partner in a big law firm, he went into Private Equity. This has just been the most valuable learning experience you will have in my course.

Overheard by JS

Another reason why law school is like junior high school...

1L rep: Nominations will be accepted for Law School prom, but only serious ones please...

Gay 1L: Fuck that... I'm running for Queen Bitch!

Overheard by DE

I guess he disagrees.

1L #1: Civ Pro is exciting!
1L #2: I'm completely limp right now.

Overheard by MM

Hey, I know that guy!

Evidence professor: "You really have no idea how stupid criminal defendants are. Imagine the stupidest person you went to high school with. Now, imagine a person that your stupid high school buddy would consider stupid. That’s your criminal defendant."

Overheard by KW

can you demonstrate?

2L: So what do you do when your potential client is not being straight with you?

Prof: If you can't get at them frontally, get at them sideways.

Overheard by Bootstraps

it's the little things in life

2L: I should have gone to University of Wisconsin. Then I'd never have to take the bar. And I could eat brats with sauerkraut all the time!

Appropriateness of response does not earn a discount.

3L #1: How much is BarBri going to cost me?
3L #2: What state's bar are you going to take?
3L #1: *shrug*
3L #2: Well, it'll between $2000-$3000, depending on state.
3L #1: (maniacal laughter)

it was so long ago

2Ls are comparing photos on their student IDs.

2L guy: 2L girl, you look nice in your picture. Like you're really happy.
2L girl: I know. I was happy. They took the picture before we started law school.

All Tax Guys Have Asperger's.

Trusts Professor: Do you know anything about tax rules?
2L: Well, I took tax last semester but I wouldn't say I know anything about it.

What'd you say Shaq?

Talking about Hearsay exceptions
Evidence Prof: When Lebron James makes a three at the end of a game is it a statement? He's not actually saying anything. Actually, often when i go to games there is a woman with downs syndrome who sits behind me. She's a lovely woman, she thinks the players are talking to her.

Legislation Prof: What is it more than anything else that keeps Justice O'Connor up at night? Bright line rules. They make her break out in cold sweats.

Pearl Necklace Anyone?

Female 2L #1: Can somebody wake me up in half an hour?
Female 2L #2: If I'm still here. If not, I'll call your cell phone.
Male 2L: I'll just stand over you masturbating.
Female 2L #2: You'll wake up with new jewelry!

poker faces, people!

Prof (after asking a long and complicated question: Mr 2L, you smirked, so you know I'm going to call on you.

a new breed

3L: You know, I've never encountered gunners on Blackboard before. This is new...

Teach them well and let them lead the way

Outside the law school, a woman is talking to a three-year-old girl: Well, you need to talk to a lawyer when you want to get married.
Overheard by DK

Can I get your undergrad friend's number?

Prof: Well, all my friends have said that if you want to be in law school and then accepted by the bar... don't EVER have more than an ounce of marijuana on you. I mean, having a quarter bag and giving it out to your friends is something you do in undergrad...

Overheard by RRS

must. keep. head. down.

Prof (after failing to get two students to answer a question): Mr. 2L, what do you think?
2L: I made too much eye contact, didn't I?

but I like big words!

Legislation Prof: This is how you tell that the author of the textbook is a professor at Yale. He starts to use words like "meta" and "exogenous". You know that when you hear the word meta, the plane has stopped in New Haven.

One night makes a hard man humble

Prof: Can he (1L #1) sell himself to me?
1L #2: Well, yeah, in the right marketplace.
Prof: Where's that marketplace?
1L #2: Maybe Bangkok?

Overheard by ANH

Congratulations on making law review

2L: We should meet in front of the journal offices.
1L: Where are the journal offices?
3L: Just follow the sound of souls dying.

Overheard by DK

God no.

Professor: Are any of you second semester 3Ls still reading footnotes?

Overheard by JW

This is where Black's comes in handy

1L: "So we were doing this case where the prosecutrix got in to trouble and the prof asked what we thought of it. Well, I said I did agree with the punishment. He looked shocked and asked why, so I said that she's a prostitute dominatrix, so what did she expect. He then gave us a lesson on the meaning of prosecutrix."

Overheard by SE

The fine nuances of tort law

Torts prof: "Death is oftentimes a lot cheaper than life. So I guess if you run someone over and you think they're going to be a quadriplegic, back up and run them over a few more times."

Overheard by Nova

step away from the knickknacks

Prof: Martha Stewart gets a little bit scary. I think that once you have more than one can of gold spray paint in the cabinet, it's time to reconsider. If your fingers start to itch when you see pinecones, it's time to have an intervention.

Honey, I'm Going to Sears to pick up an IUD...

Evidence Prof: No man can answer this question, what word would you use to describe the placement of an IUD device in a womans body? Insert?
Female 2L: Implanted
Evidence Prof: Implanted, okay. I had one student who was talking about when the IUD was "installed" and another one said that the IUD was "deployed". Do you think it was a man or a woman who wrote these? Installed, i gotta go down to Sears and get this IUD installed...

ATTENTION

Blogger made me switch to a new, google compatible interface. So if you are a poster and cannot see yourself on the poster list please e-mail me. Thank you. Also, I am taking volunteers for new posters to replace all the 3L's who graduate.

Thanks,
LiserDoesLaw

It's also scary when they fall asleep at the wheel

Re: Bush v. Gore

Con Law Prof: "Old people, when they vote, it's a scary thing."

Overheard by Without Reason

Never a truer word spoken

1L: there is no remedy for douchebaggery.
Overheard by Ineffective Assistance

People say 'yes' on the first date?

Commercial law prof: "OK, so here are the answers to the problem set, No. No. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes......hm, sounds like a first date."
Overheard by MDS

He spoke in tongues!

Torts Prof: "You took Contracts. Tell me, what is the purpose of Contract Law?"

1L: Well, I had [Prof. X] for Contracts, so I don't really know..."

Overheard by hick narcissus

Oh, to be a 2L

2L: "i hate how [the professor] keeps assuming i did the reading."
Overheard by JW

My love for you is ticking clock

Lead gunner's comment in Torts while discussing cyber harassment & assault: "Well, it's not assault if you love her."

Overheard by Jess

Yes, blame the trailer.

Discussing a case regarding a 6-year-old child who was sexually perped on twice in a trailer park by adult men while a friend of the child's mother watched.

Evidence Prof: "You know, if this case teaches me one thing it is to not raise my kids in a trailer park. That seems like that may be a bad place to raise children."

Overheard by a LawBitch

We make new countries here at law school

Property Professor: "The wife appears to speak and read English. So why does she write her
letter in Hungarian?"

1L: "Oh, because she and her husband were from Hungaria!"

Overheard by anonymous

How to cure gender discrimination

Male 3L: I demand that the government provide me a uterus. Immediately.

first, the paternity test

3L: So is it possible that a really unscrupulous plaintiff's lawyer would say a couple was married and claim loss of consortium even if they weren't.

Pretrial Practice Prof: Well, it's possible. But at some point during discovery, you're likely to interview or depose the wife. If two people come in wearing wedding rings and say they're married, you're likely to believe them. If you have doubts, you can always ask for a copy of the marriage certificate.

3L: Oh, okay.

PPP: Well, unless you're in litigation with Anna Nicole Smith. Then get everything in writing.

Prof 1, 2L 0

A hypo involving charging a sexually molested 14 year old for murdering his captor:

2L: I don't know, maybe there is political fallout if we don't charge the kid, is it an election year?
Crim Pro Prof: God, you're such a tool!

Prosecutors are super important.

Crim Pro Prof: Nobody wins felony possession cases. If you're a felon, and you're in possession of a weapon, you lose. The prosecutor wins every time. My dog, who is eleven and has dementia, could win these cases. If only she could figure out how to open the door and get the felon on the stand, I'm telling you she could win. And she can't see.

I'd do anything for love

1L girl: So you're not seeing [girlfriend] anymore? What happened?
2L guy: Well, I kind of dicked her over.
1L girl: Of course you dicked her over. You're going to be a lawyer. That's what we do.

Legal Writing: Destroyer of Dreams

As the first paper assignments are being handed back with professor’s comments written on them:

3L #1: I got a ‘Good’
3L #2: I got a ‘Drop out of law school’

a little crack never hurt anyone....

Crim Pro class talking about search warrants.

2L: well, if there was crack cocaine they couldn't just go looking for that...
Prof: Well, let's put the crack cocaine aside - you can keep your crack cocaine for now....crackhead.

one way or another

Discussing loss of consortium claims in the context of wrongful termination.

3L: Wait, how can you get loss of consortium for the spouse when the employee's not injured, just out of a job?
2L: Maybe emotional distress leads to ED...which leads to loss of consortium?
3L: ED causing ED. I like it.
2L: Better than ED causing VD.

don't try this in civ pro, kids

The scene: dinner, where people are relating goofy stories about their childhood.

Woman: When I was in elementary school, I brought my father's bong to school for show and tell. It was glass, and pretty, and had butterflies swirling all around it. I thought it was beautiful, so I brought it in and said I didn't know what it was. I was very confused when they sent me to the office and called my parents to come fetch it and me.

3L: Wait, the school administration let your father take his bong back?

Man: Sure, they're perfectly legal for smoking tobacco. You're a law student and you don't know this?

Announcing the iStrudel

2L #1: i think apple should buy volkswagen. they have the same clientele.
2L#2: good call.
2L#1: but what should their name be? how about strudel? it combines germany and apples!

Vote Early, Vote Often, and Become a Judge

Prof: "Just so you know, being a good judge has nothing to do with being a good lawyer...especially in Cook County"

Exploding Toasters, Pharmaceuticals and Bears - Oh My!

3L #1: Is Products Liability a good class?
3L #2: Oh yeah. It's gory like Torts. People are always getting mauled by bears and stuff.
3L #1: Um?
3L #2: Wait. Probably not, since bears aren't products. ...but mechanical bears are.

Overheard by Friend of Dorothy

Forward Thinking

3L: "I wonder if the suicide rate goes up during the Bar Exam period?"

what if you are singing to the toilet?

Criminal Procedure class discussing whether there is an expectation of privacy in a bathroom stall.

2L #1: well, you expect people can see your feet - and that some sounds might be heard...
Prof: What if there are two sets of legs in there? What should the officer do?
2L #2: Knock and annouce?

How to gather fingerprints, take 1

Evidence prof: Sometimes when you drown, the skin sloughs off and then you get a floater!

freedom fries, anyone?

3L #1 (coming back from the snack bar): Anyone want some pita chips and hummus?
3L #2: No thanks.
3L #3: No, I do not want any of your Islamofacist food.

is kevorkian out yet?

law student #1: Oh, that's sad, they euthanized Barbaro this morning.
law student #2: isnt it strange that when they euthanize animals it's sad, but when they do it to people everyone gets pissed off?

Is a fetus unfair prejudice?

2L: well, you might have things on the table from other cases...
Evidence Prof: Yeah, you don't want them to show a picture with items from other cases, like hand grenades and dead babies....

Lesson Learned?

Evidence Prof: I cut my finger working in my woodshop the other day on my jointer, you can bet I won’t do that again.
Student: But you still use your jointer.
Evidence Prof: Yeah, but it scares me, there’s still blood on the floor.

I've Got Nothing to Hide...Except.....

Crim Pro Prof: If you have nothing to hide do you just let the police go through your house?
Student #1: if you've got nothing to hide then who cares. Leave the windows wide open, save money on air conditioning.
Student #2: You can still have things to hide that aren't illegal.

An old quote but a good one

3L (1L at the time): If there was an earthquake, and your house fell into the crack, would you adversely possess everything in that crack?

Good to know for the bar

3L: There are no wombats in torts.

Things Heard But Not Seen

3L #1: The Professor is blind. And there are 14 people in the class.
3L #2: The class is held in a regular lecture hall for a 100 people or so, but all of us sit in the back of the class
3L #3: Why do you all sit in the back? Are you afraid that he is going to see you?

why doesn't my tuition cover dry erase markers?

3L: Would you mind writing that Latin expression on the board?

Prof: Let me see if there's a marker. No, no markers. Hrm. I could write it in Chap Stick...

Unless, Of Course, He's Paid For It

Crim Pro Prof: Rehnquist doesn't mind his garbage being searched, but he doesn't want his bag being squeezed when he travels.

Was THAT What You Call A Pep Talk?

Professor: When you take the Bar Exam, you're going to leave feeling like you missed half the questions. And guess what? You probably did.

just a little, tiny bit

Discussing Mers v. Dispatch Printing:

Employment Prof: So tell us about Mers. What happened to him?

2L: He was working as a traveling representative for Dispatch. And then he got into a little bit of legal trouble: rape, kidnapping, and gross sexual imposition.

Prof: Right. Just a little bit.

really, I'm far too weak to execute another convict

Legislation prof explaining the historical context of the rule of lenity: Most crimes used to be capital offenses. The rule of lenity was basically an out. Well, we weren't as specific as we should have been, so we won't hang you. It upsets us when we drink our port at night.

Make sure you wash the tails

2L: Take this class instead, I promise it's going to be more fun.
3L: Lots of things sound more fun than the class I'm in right now; this is of course including bath time in the monkey house at the zoo.

O

3L female: That girl smiles like a donut.

The Secret Lives of Our Parents

Gay 3L: And somewhere over there is that new bath house; it apparently has the largest sauna in the world.
Straight Male 3L: The largest Sauna? or the largest sauna full of gay men?
Gay 3L: Both.
Straight Female 3L: Oh yea. I think my dad inspected their plumbing................Oh, in a nonsexual way!!!!

genuflect!

Wills and Trusts Prof: One of the more famous cases involves brother and sister fighting over a family Bible. Years of litigation.

3L: How very Christian of them.

And who says we're not considerate?

2L female #1: I hate wearing this tank top because I feel like the girls might be popping out at any time.
3L female #1: Yeah, that's how I feel in mine, too... It's like 'Hey boobs, go back where you belong!'

2L female #2 looks up from her reading, distracted.

2L female #2: Boobs?
3L female #2: Guys, quit it with the boob talk, lesbian at the table trying to read. Have some consideration!

Nope, saw her on Jerry Springer

Tort Professor: Who in here has children?
Female 1L Raises hand
Professor: Okay. Imagine that your daughter reaches 15 and becomes incredibly sexually charged and curious and begins experimenting.
Female 1L: Oh, you knew her?

Overheard by SB

Your zodiac sign leads you astray

3L on Winter Break: "...actually, I'm in my third year of law schoolat [name of school]."

3L's old friend from high school: "Really? That's interesting; I've often considered law school for myself... because I'm a Sagitarius."

Overheard by TI

Police indiscretion

Law student (who is also a Police Officer): When I am dealing with parolees I tell them "rectify the situation or I will violate you."

Overheard by Inert Child

Anybody have a tampon? Anybody?

Re: A class entitled "Sex, Gender, and the Law," with a severely disproportionate number of females enrolled.

3L#1: I'm afraid this class is going to be too touchy-feely.
3L#2: I love touchy-feely! I'm going to hug everybody before each class and give them a chocolate covered Midol!

is SCOTUS really like law school?

The skeletons in Rehnquist's closet: prescription drug addiction.

So much for equality.

Crim Pro Prof: But if we're all treated unfairly equally...well, it sucks.

sign me up for the Teamsters!

Employment Law Prof: Historically, trade unions have been segregated by ethnic groups, some of which is sort of funny if you have a weird sense of humor. Concrete and stone masons are Italian, carpenters are Jewish.

Law School Teaches Life Skills

Professor: In this class, I'm going to teach you a skill that will positively benefit you for the rest of your professional lives…
3L: Falling asleep with your eyes open?

Scene- Women's lawyer association even with Women's law student group.
Female Attorney #1 (discussing events the Association hosts): The Judicial Luncheon is amazing. It's almost as if Judges are human.

Female Attorney #2 (discussing maternity leave): You can't go asking your boss what to do. They'll say "Drop the baby and get back on the blackberry!"
It's just a guy mentality: "What'll you need? one day? two?"


Overheard by Jaime

I Find Your Lack Of Faith Disturbing

Male 2L: We can do the externship in D.C. for the Fall, and then do the semester abroad in London for the Spring together. And we can do it all the time since we'll be in a different country so it won't count.

Female 2L: That's right, it doesn't. Bring your condoms.

Male 2L: If I still have those condoms in a year, it would be really sad.

Female 2L: Umm, yeah...bring the condoms.