Because law students need to pray sometimes...

Scene: priest giving a sermon at Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve

Priest: You all know what original sin is. That even the youngest baby is sinful. Think of a crack baby.

Fun with the BA Prof

BA Prof: They’ve asked me to moderate, which makes perfect sense since I’m so moderate --The very model of the modern moderate moderator.

BA Prof: …regardless, or as they say in New Jersey, irregardless…

BA Prof: I may not be a nice guy, but I am ethical. Or at least I’m not unethical.

Submitted by TI

Overlooked Evidence

Evidence prof: Examples of assertions are a common signal, such as nodding; a physical response to a question, such as pointing to someone; or conduct as code, such as "one if by land, two if by sea," or "if I give you a thumbs up, I don't need a ride home."

Evidence prof: now, a common signal response to the question, "Is Harvey drunk?" might be a nod; a physical response to the question might be pointing to the tequila bottle and then to the floor...

Submitted by Jaime

Gems from State & Local Prof

S&L Prof, on urban sprawl: If I were an urban terrorist, I think I’d start with malls.

S&L Prof: You can’t swim nude in your swimming pool, which is a real bummer. (Pause) I don’t have a swimming pool, but it sounds to me like a bummer.

Submitted by TI

Pre-finals confidence

Beefy 2L pre-BA final in the men's room: I'm gonna fuck that test until it loves me.
Skinny 2L recipient of said comment: (silence)

Submitted by TI

Irrefutable evidence

Employment Law Prof: So how would you tell if someone was smoking marijuana on the job, what would you look for?
3L: Doritos.

Submitted by Michele S.

Poll

Hey Overheard readers,
Since all of us are nowhere near our respective law schools right now to overhear anything of importance (and by importance I of course mean quotable tidbits), the question to the readers is this:

Should we continue to blog funny things overheard at say, family dinners? Or should we take a hiatus until the end of break? It's your call. E-mail or comment here directly and let us know.

Thanks and happy holidays from your nosy friends at Overheard.

Grab Bag of Overhearing

[Con Law Prof forgets to turn off e-mail noticifaction voice]
Computer: You have a message from John Smith.
Con Law Prof: Well, that is just so embarrassing. Thank god that wasn't one of those enhance your penis size emails. I must get at least four or five of those a day. I mean, HOW MUCH do they know about me anyway?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dumb Blonde #1: What was the intent of the framers in writing the Constitution...what were they trying to achieve?
Dumb Blonde #2: I don't know...something having to do with like, uniting the states or something, right?
Dumb Blonde #1: What are the three branches of government laid out in the Constitution?
Dumb Blonde #2: Uhhhhh...the President, courts and stuff...and...uhhhh...something with the environment? Like preserving animals and shit?
Dumb Blonde #1: When laws are interpreted for constitutionality, do judges take into account the intent of the framers?
Dumb Blonde #2: Oh hell no....I mean, the framers were just a bunch of old guys...it would be WAY too hard to take all of those dude's different opinions and like, make one thing out of them. I mean, duh!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[Con Law Prof shows picture of gas station called The Lubritorium]: Can you imagine taking your car there? It sounds like it would get lubed up from every side.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guy to Girl: Can you speak up?
Girl: It's written on the board
Guy: I can't see the board...Jackass
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Prof rooting around under podium to try to get a video cued up]: Wait a minute folks, I'm having a hard time getting it up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Discussion about Miscegenation Laws and which states had them in 1965.]
Guy in front row: Texas.
Prof: Why?
Guy: I don't know...because they're Texas and it just seems like something that would happen there. I mean, it's Texas...and that's all I should have to say.
Girl: Oklahoma
Prof: Why?
Girl: Because it's next to Texas...I mean, they're bascially the same place.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Student gets called on the first day of school]: I'm sorry, I don't do homework assignments over the summer break so I didn't do the reading.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Prof explaining that over the summer he does Animal Rights work]: Hi, I'm Bob and I do animals.

Submitted by Energy Spatula

Caged 2L girls

2L #1: Oh look, it's a little one and he has his exam!
2L #2: Where, where!!
2L #3: Awwwwww.

(frightened 1L runs from the 2L girls in the "cage")

That is the Best Way to Get at it

Con Law II Prof [While talking about Lawrence v. Texas, Gay Marriage and Sodomy]: Let me get at this backwards.

Best away message EVER

[2L] loses his Lexis Nexis password, is forced to call customer service. The following conversation ensues:

Lexis Nexis rep: well, your security question was spouse's name.
2L: I don't even have a spouse!
Rep: This is pretty funny, actually.
2L: What did I say, Shawn Kemp or something?
Rep: (after determining that 2L was indeed the 2L in question): You wrote "I will kill you."

-- Stolen from Brian.

you have strange study skills...

2L #1: Hey, check it out, I think I pulled a tendon in my finger.
2L #2: That's GROSS.

Contracts Prof: Mr. [student's name], please tell us about the next case.
1L: Yeah...I have to be honest, I'm still drunk from last night. I'm gonna have to pass.

Torts Prof: So, let's say you get a client with a similar problem, what would you do?
1L: I'd call Jim Sokolove. (editor's note: He's got commercials everywhere )

Trademarks Prof. [holding a poster of a pregnant girl scout]: I was going to tell you I was going to mount her...but that just sounded wrong.

Conlaw Prof [taking attendance]: Do we have a quorum?
2L: We have a minyan.

Evidence Prof: You know, I know you're all on instant messenger. I see one of you on this side of the room laughing and then, suddenly someone all the way over here is laughing.

Labor Prof: This arbitrator was tokin' some weed before he heard this case. In fact, that's gonna be one of the questions on the exam. "Was [arbitrator's name] tokin' on some weed before he heard this case?" The easy answer is yes.

Justice Kennedy: Wow, your school requires Conlaw? That's impressive! My school never did that!
2L: Where did you go to school?
Justice Kennedy: Harvard.

Conlaw Prof: When I first started teaching, one student wrote in his evaluation that I had nice legs.

Labor Prof: I dyed my hair since last we met. That's why I look different. My wife told me not to tell you, but I figured you may want to know what's different about me. I don't really know why I'm telling this to you all.

-- Submitted by 3L Carrie

Finals-time quotestravaganza, Monday edition

Evidence prof (while discussing the need for scientific expert testimony and the frye test): Many of us went into law because we were incapable of being trained in science and physics.

-- Submitted by Jaime

International Law prof: There's a Latin phrase for it, but my Latin's a little rusty. Which is to say, I don't speak Latin.

-- Submitted by Melanie

Sports law prof: If T.O. needs to smoke some weed to be happy, we should just keep him happy.

2L: (explaining why there was a large homosexual population in San Francisco): Its more accepting, its safer...
Law and Sexuality Prof: And it was the only place to get laid.

Ethics prof: If you ever find yourself moving shotguns and money for a client , your plan is probably not airtight

-- Submitted by Melissa

Fun with Melissa's ConLaw Prof

ConLaw Prof: They say that he died years ago and what you're seeing is really animatronic Cheney
2L: I believe that
ConLawProf: I dont, evil never dies

In re: 1st Amendment
ConLaw Prof: You have beaver shots, can I say beaver shots? Playboys have nude women, and hustler has beaver shots, is there a polite way of saying that?

ConLaw Prof: Handsome men in hunky poses oiled up, now THAT can get interesting!

ConLaw Prof: if you're ever bored and want you prurient interests appealed to, read state obscenity statutes, they're explicit.

ConLaw Prof: Apparently bestiality is big, I didn't even know it was possible until I came to law school, who knew?

ConLaw Prof: There are apparently a group of people that like to be peed on, and another group that likes sexual fun with defacatory matter.

ConLaw Prof: it's not considered lewd to display the penis in its flaccid state, which is how you gals are used to seeing it right?

ConLaw Prof: Today is obscenity day…all the words your mother didn't want you to say, we're saying them.

Con Law Prof: They had the Friday afternoon dirty movie in the Supreme Court…..someone had to screen these things.

ConLaw Prof: you have lots of bondage and S&M, I'm not so sure whether the average person finds manacles sexy

ConLaw Prof: 1973…everyone is getting stoned and having sex…..so it's not shocking to the Woodstock people but it is to rural Georgia

-- Submitted by Melissa

Overheard in a bar while procrastinating

The scene: women's restroom in a popular law school hangout bar. Two sets of feet are visible in handicapped stall.

Voice from handicapped stall: "Hold still! I'm trying to pick something out of your ass!"

On picking classes for next semester

2L: I decided to take Prof. X's class. He's a bad person, but at least he's a good teacher.

Except for the gunners here

(large square drawn on the board represents Blackacre)
Property Prof: You have to have a functional outline. So, here's your outline (draws another large square on board)...which looks a lot like Blackacre... because they're not drawn to scale.

Office Hour

Prof: Don't get too stressed out!
Student: Ha!
Prof: I guess I'm not the right person to say that.
Student: Hmph.

To Work or Study During Exams?

The 2L Student: I've stopped working until after finals, I'm not as loyal as you

The 2L Worker: I'm a slave to the paycheck, I've got shit to buy, and classes to flunk

Overheard on the street

So what if it's on the street?

Scenester/hipster girl: What's more emo, eating a lot when you're depressed or starving yourself? At least if you starve yourself, you'll fit in your clothes!

Oh Finals. You melt brains.

2L: There aren't any news stories that make you feel good.
2L #2: If you want to feel good, watch Queer Eye For the Straight Guy. I'm like "Ha ha, you're gay and you're straight and can't dress well!"

We need a sign?

Finals fun, part whatever number we're on

2L #1 (on the phone): Hey, I have an Evidence question for you. Can we use 404(b) in civil cases?
(Pause) Mmhmm, you think? Hurry up, Regis is going to tell me to get of the phone.
2L #2: If she doesn't know, we can poll the audience.
2L #1: (on the phone) That's just the $200 question. You should see the one for a million -- I have to redraft the Federal Rules of Evidence.

you know when ur in the right study group...

1L1 (white): nerdery meets here! Only 2 white people allowed.
1L2 (white): and those two white people are us!
1L1 (white): you know you're in the right study group when the whites are the minority, we got ourselves some indians and a korean :)

Of Torts and Food

Torts professor @ 9:25am on a Tuesday morning: "I don't expect a nail in my twinkie."

It's Monday; time for Prof N!

Prof N: Don’t tell anyone we just talked about rules in this class, ’cause you can’t.

Prof N, after a student ended her answer with the word “maybe”: You can’t get rid of a bad answer just by putting ‘maybe’ at the end.

Prof N, justifying his life: A pretty high percentage of great writers have also been great drinkers.

Prof N, in re: Joseph Martin Deli v. Schumacher: You can make more money with porn than you can with corned beef.

Prof N: If you don’t have any questions about mistake…then you really haven’t followed me. But I don’t have many answers either.

-- Submitted by TI

How to study the right way

A first year study group, overheard in the student lounge
1L1: Im so tired
1L2: Have some of my red bull [hands her the Red Bull can]
1L1: [After taking a sip] What's in that vodka?!?!?!!
1L2: Yeah! It's so good...
1L1: NOT WHEN YOU ARE HUNGOVER!

Submitted by:
The Namby Pamby
http://thenambypamby.blogspot.com

1L Tomfoolery

1L (raising hand eagerly to give his opinion on a case): "We're talking about a court of law, not the Jerry Springer show!"

Prof: "Okay . . . complete the thought . . ."

1L: "Oh, sorry, I really didn't have a complete thought."

Prof (talking about whether a hypothetical diamond ring was lost or mislaid): "C'mon people, valuable things are almost always mislaid. It's not like this diamond ring fell out of somebody's pocket! I mean, who puts a diamond ring in their pocket?"

1L: "Well, was it found at a bar?"
-- Submitted by De Novo

Finals time quote-stravaganza!

Quotes from BA Prof extrordinaire:

Prof: North Korea doesn’t manufacture anything but trouble.

Prof: The seminal case in this instance, if that’s still a permissible word to use these days…”

Prof: I’ll give you a story of an idiot; someone I know very well—myself.

Prof: Generally on exams, I just give points for good things you say, rather than taking away points for mistakes—-unless sometimes I think, 'whoah, this person is dangerous.'


-- Submitted by TI

bitterness can be so sweet

Shamelessly stolen (once again) from Post Secret.

I'm glad you failed the bar exam.

Boys will be boys...

Boy 2L: Is this "Maid in Manhattan"?
2nd Boy 2L: No, it's "Wedding Planner".
Girl 2L: What the fuck?

Heard in the grocery, but...

Middle Aged Lady 1: So when are you going to tell the kids their father is dead?
Middle Aged Lady 2: Yeah, it is going to be hard to hide with Christmas coming up.

Sounds like finals time to me

Outside a class:

Still Drunk 2L Chick: I feel fabulous!
2L Chick 2: I haven't used the word fabulous to describe how I feel since I've gotten to law school
2L Chick 3: (To 2L Chick 2) You used the word fabulous after you got fucked last night
---

Outside a class

2L Chick 1: What should I get him Christmas?
2L Chick 2: Get him Tiffany's Cologne
2L Chick 1: His Colgone is Camel Light.
---

As 2L's are sitting outside waiting to get into a classroom for the next class:
1L Chick: Could you take a picture of our entire section?
2L Chick 1: Sure
2L Chick 2: (After they leave) I couldn't find 5 people, let alone a 100 people that I would want to take a picture with
2L Guy: Like me?
2L Chick 2: No, I would want a picture with you, with you right in between my breasts.

-- Submitted by The Namby Pamby
http://thenambypamby.blogspot.com

What's he on and where can I get some?

Sales Professor: And that's how the seamless web of Article 2 flows...flows...just flows...are you feeling the flow?
2L, back row: I'm feelin' it.

-- Submitted by Kat

It made sense in my head!

3L: (Confusing question preceeding) Do you know what I'm asking?
Evidence Prof: No, not yet.

They already do...

2L: Those people deserve to think I am a sex offender.

Self-Defense?

Enviro Prof. - If you're ever out hikking and a wild turkey comes up and menaces you, you poke them with a stick to prove your dominance.

...And he continues to talk about being firm...

Crim Law Prof: You don't want to go in there half-cocked; soft on this kind of crime and hard on that kind of crime.

-- Submitted by Steven T.

Not me.

(During a mock jury selection in class)
Lawyer-student: And how do you feel about consumer safety?
Juror-student: I'm for it.

Hell No We Can't Go

Labor Prof: There are many injustices for the incontinent.

Low, low prices!

1L girl: Why do I have to whelp a child? Why can't I just buy one?
1L guy: You know WalMart will be selling them soon.
1L girl: What, little Asian babies?
1L guy: Oh you know, whatever... Mexican ones... on the clearance rack. Did I really just say that?

The two things guaranteed in life...

Corporate Finance Professor: Sometimes shareholders get lucky and engage the biggest tax loophole of them all. So if you are lucky enough and your shareholders die in time, then you can defer your dividend to get the lower tax rate.

(Pauses.)

But, well, that is probably not the story you want to tell.

but I'm too beautiful for that!

1L chick: He was really creepy, so I went and hid a little until he found someone else.

1L chick's friend: Yeah, that's weird.

1L chick: It's just hard to be this cute.

just say it!

Admin Prof: Can we talk about this case, Mr. [Student]

Student: Sorry, guilty as charged.

*pause*

Admin Prof: Huh?

Student: I'm not prepared.

Admin Prof (with meaningful look): Oh.

That's the least he could do

Subtitute immigration prof: "If the judge gives you VD, you get a pass"

-- Submitted by Christine

Classic Prof N Quotes!

Prof N: “When you die, and you will…”

Prof N: “Sex is one of those things in which the amateur is more highly esteemed than the professional.”

Prof N: “Some things go away when you die, besides life. But not contracts.”

Prof N, excerpting from the discussion of Hadley v. Baxendale: “I’ve already got a contract with Hadley to take his shaft.”
Prof N: “Okay, I’m not takin’ your shaft!”

-- Submitted by TI

Money matters

Property prof: "They didn't hire a lawyer! They're either lazy or cheap, we don't know which. Okay. I don't mean to sound pejorative, but how are we supposed to make any money if they don't hire us?"

Contracts prof: "If it only takes three or four hours to resolve a case, I usually don't even charge them [the client]."
1L: "Is that why you're teaching now?"

-- Submitted by Laura

On the bright side...

Judge: Well, we are only ten minutes into this thing and we are already talking about mortality. It's going to be a long day, folks.

(Public hearing on stylistic changes to the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.)

I'd hate to see what a cheesecake does.

In regards to reading a case while studying:

1L: this is so much information it gives me diarrhea just to think about it.

when jokes fall flat

BA prof: What are the three principles of securities law? Disclosure, disclosure, disclosure.

*silence*

BA Prof: That was supposed to be funny. A real rip snorter. But I don't see anyone's socks on the floor.

Built Ford Tough

Labor Prof: The Edsel? YUCK! This is the product of generations of inbreeding among the aristocracy!

gejtting the shaft

Tax prof: We usually don't say they got shafted. We say debts were discharged in the bankruptcy proceedings. It's more civilized.

Overheard in Appellate Court

Defense argument: The defendant's inability to cross-examine the [drug sniffing dog that found the drugs in his car] violates the Confrontation Clause and therefore the evidence must be suppressed because the defendant cannot cross-examine the dog.

-- Submitted by AS

Submitted quote-stravaganza!

Property professor discussing an injuction to remove an antenna: "itcomes down to...what's more important? a pristine view, or TV?"

-- Submitted by Nicolle N.

Tort prof talking about a case in Boston involving a car accident: How long has traffic been bad in Boston? Pretty much since the revolution right?

--Submitted by Jessica N.

At a space law moot court competition: "A journey into space is a journey far, far away."

-- Submitted by Thomas J.

1L #1: Um, the book here says that if a statue is as vague as Wiscon's first sentence, we can't do what you just told us to do.
Torts Prof: Read this very carefully. How many sentences does the Wisconsin statue have?
1L #2: ...TWO!
Torts Prof: Very good. Read carefully next time.

-- Submitted by Thomas V.

from a real live lawyer

From Mythago's blog.

Why you should prepare your witness for cross-examination:

Q. So did you ever try to contact any of the people who used your product, to see if they had become ill?

A. No, we didn't really deal with the tradesmen. We mostly sold to distributors.

Q. So that's a "no"?

A. That's a no.

Q. If you wanted to try to reach these guys, how would you go about it?

A. I don't know.

Q. Would contacting [this trade's local union] be a good place to start?

A. Probably.

Q. Did you ever give the union a call?

A. No. That would probably just lead to a whole bunch more lawsuits.

Hint: this is an example

Prof: What does tortuous mean?
Student 1: About food?
Student 2: Tort-ier, more full of tort.

You can't make this shit up.

Labor Prof: I don't know very much about trade secrets, but I think there are some secrets you don't want to be known... Yak testicles, maybe the sales of [Soda Company] would go down if that's the secret ingredient?

Labor Prof: Maybe if there are not any trade secrets to reveal they'll just leave yak testicles all over the chairs?

Appreciate what you've got ... doing it your way

Labor Prof: It’s not the manager’s fault that some slightly malshaped pickle, cucumber, didn’t get picked out – this is another part of the assembly line where the guys are picking out the slightly-too-long pickles going by – it makes you really appreciate going to law school and the opportunities you’re going to have – instead of standing up to mid calf in pickle juice and slush and much and ichhh.

judicial cynicism

BA Prof: And then you have this case, where the second circuit held that marriage is not a relationship of trust and confidence.

Torts Prof: Well, let's move on to the next case, because child molestation is sexy.

-- Submitted by Marta

Zombie law

Extraordinarily liberal State & Local Gov't prof: “I used to teach agency and partnership law. [More conservative professor] would be rolling in his…” (apparently realizing that the more conservative professor isn’t dead yet.)

-- Submitted by TI

This law is now a Jewish man!

Employment Discrimination professor in regards to a new law:
"This law has only had its Bar Mitzvah recently."

-- Submitted by James

Buy in bulk!

1L girl: man, at least you have a prof you can pine after. i just tend to sick with pining after classmates.

1L guy: yeah, that's probably more appropriate.

1L girl: yeah, and there's a better selection.

1L guy: that’s true...i'll stick to undergrads...even more selection...its like costco

-- Submitted by The Other Lisa

Classic Prof N on a Monday morning!

Prof N: Sometimes you can read something so one-sidedly in your favor that you’re laughed at. If the judge laughs, you’re in trouble.

Prof N: We have to assume people are acting rationally. On the other hand, we can’t assume that people have the same value system.

Prof N: (re: why promissory estoppel was called equitable estoppel in the early days) A new name sounds like you’re wingin’ it.

Prof N: We’re just talking about Contract Law, but there are other types of law, maybe not as beautiful...

-- Submitted by TI

fashion commentary

3L: I *hate* those boots. They're hideous! Why would you ever want to walk around wearing things that look like a pink sheep died wrapped around your calves?

2L: I dunno.

3L: They are clearly called Uggs for a reason! UGH! UGH! UGH!

2L: Careful. You don't want to start marketing them by mistake.

on applying for the bar

2L #1: do I at least get a security clearance when it's done?
2L #2: i seriously hope so. the only thing more invasive is a cavity search.
2L #1: ick. I suspect they'd do blood work if it was legal
2L #2: probably...print out my whole freaking genetic code
2L #1: well, then we'll know which other law students we shouldn't mate with

Don't you find me attractive?

CL&P Prof: Frottage is the act of rubbing genitals against somebody for sexual gratification. For example, in New York on the subway. In fact, it's so common that if there's a man standing next to you on the subway and he's not committing frottage, you can ask him why.

Will you take the stand?

C&P Prof: Unlike people, penises never lie.

I'll take "my wife is a dirty tramp" for $500

Crim Law Prof: I think we are right to be confused about intent and intoxication, particularly because the legislators make the law. And the legislators wake up not knowing what they did the night before, particularly if it was another legislator's wife.

-- submitted by gar

Texas = own planet

Tax prof: "A week's vacation in the Big Apple. Not a bad deal for a Texan, exposing him to the rest of the world and all."

Begging the question

Civ Pro Prof: so what could they have done?

1L: they could file an amicus brief.

Civ Pro Prof: yeah, that's totally right. does everyone know what that is? it's a friend of the court. so they can file a brief, but that's it. they are friends, but not friends with benefits.

-- Submitted by Lisa

I know obscenity when I see it

1L: Maybe you could argue that the veterinarian provoked the dog. I mean, not for him to bite him, but while he's examining him.

Torts Prof: Sorry, I just got a mental picture of one of my dogs at a rectal exam. Just the look on my dog's face. I have a picture in my office... Not at that moment.

-- Submitted by Marisol

Classic Quotes Featuring Prof N - Take Two

Prof N on continuing legal education: “If you don’t keep up, you’ll commit malpractice. And have to sell shoes.”

Prof N: “Generally speaking in the law of contracts, we don’t care about fault.”

Prof N: “If there are two things that are inescapably intertwined, and you can think about one without thinking about the other, then you’re thinking like a lawyer.”

Prof N: "Past consideration (something done in the past) isn’t consideration. It’s not quid pro quo, ’cause you already got the quid.”

-- Submitted by TI

Ignore the glowing 'Pepsi' sign

(At the Pepsi vending machine)

Woman: There's no Coke in here!?!? GIVE ME BACK MY DOLLAR! GIVE ME BACK MY DOLLAR!

Beastiality

1L girl: So what we're saying is that all gay people don't want to have sex with animals? So, that means my brother isn't out in Washington fucking cows?

Farm v. Jungle

Admin Prof discussing Separation of Powers and the Independen Counsel: Foxes shouldn't guard the henhouse, or as one student put it last year, monkeys shouldn't guard bananas.

Classic Quotes featuring Prof N - Take One

I have had a request to post some quotes from my K professor from last year. By some quotes, I mean I have something close to 30 from those who have requested to see quotes from the craziest man teaching the art of Contracts.

Without further adieu, I bring you some of the work of Prof N.

Prof N: Elton John- it's a he isn't it?

Prof N: Austin is an unusual case- one party has the other party by the short hairs.

Prof N: My wife drinks Grant's, good and inexpensive. There's nothing like a dame, as the song goes.

Prof N: I could sell a Harrier Jet to the Taliban.


-- Submitted by James

It is her first time...

Nervous Attorney: I knew you guys were going to ask about that!
Chief Judge: Usually counsel does not refer to the Fifth Circuit as "you guys".

I'll take "My wife, the dirty tramp" for $200

Civ Pro prof: The structure of your motion is very important, okay. I was married once before, and my ex-wife's lawyer, he did a very clever thing. He assigned a number of possessions as my possessions, things that she made no claim on, and then they sought "all other possessions in and pertaining to the apartment" for her. So I couldn't even accurately account for everything she was seeking. Which is like asking... Still, it was good lawyering, I'm not saying it wasn't. I just... (Trails off, bitterly glares into space for about five seconds.)


from mayday
peoplethings.blogspot.com

I went to law school due to a psychotic break

Labor Prof: Tort law is the acceptable way to act out anti-social behavior. It's certainly better than (stabbing motions).

Um......

Student outside smoking: So like, they had two lawyers, but I think one was maybe the all-the-time lawyer...

Lawyering in a Nutshell

BA Prof: Law school is all about hiding and finding the money.

When you’re suing someone, it’s always good to sue someone that has money.

Those professors never answer questions!

1L girl: So, if someone was walking their dog down the street, and it accidentally got shot, could the dog sue?

Tort Prof: I don't know, what do you think?

Submitted by Jessica N.

comparative evils

2L #1: So are you taking that stupid class next semester?
2L #2: Yeah, I have to. At least I got the section I wanted.
2L #1: I don't think one section is better than the other.
2L #2: Well, I was hoping for a lesser of the evils.
2L #1: It's not really a "lesser of evils". It's just [Professor Z] less.

Hearsay!

Evidence Prof: Every year I go to the doctor, he asks me what my sexual practices are... and every year I tell him the exact same thing-- it's never going to change-- is he ever going to just stop asking?
Class: (muffled laughter)
Evidence Prof: Ummmm yeah, maybe I shouldn't have shared that.

--Submitted by Molly

Splitting heirs

Property Prof: While you are alive you don't have heirs- all you have are relatives looking at your car with anticipation.

Ain't THAT the truth

Civ pro prof: Witnesses are too talkative. You ask them what time they had breakfast, and the answer should just be "9:03." But instead, they say, "Oh, it was morning, I remember because the sun was coming through the window, I was eating eggs, I really like eggs, because they take my mind of the fact that yesterday I shot five people…"

Submitted by Homie

It's just his day job

2L: "Can he sue on the ground that there has been a change in circumstance and his children should being living with a killer?"

Family Law Prof: "Well, he's a contract killer. He only does it for money."

Submitted by Elle
legallyblondetrec.blogspot.com

milk coming out of your nose

BA Prof: I hope you weren't didn't have any liquids in your mouth when you read that sentence, [Student]. Because you should have guffawed.

Prerequisite poo comment, take 2

2L guy: I hate the winter. I think I just blocked it out.
2L girl: I'm really not ready for winter just yet - what happened to the summer?
2L guy: I love the summer.
2L guy #2: ... I stepped in poop this morning.

Why South America doesn't trust the U.S.

2L #1: I love her, she's so hot. I'm going to get her her greencard.
2L #1: It was so cute - I had to explain to her what a wolf man was.
2L #2: You didn't show her?

The Professor is always right

Puzzled 2L who can't find passage: On page 155?
Admin Prof: Isn’t it there? (looks through case) I can’t find it, but TRUST ME, it’s there.

Freedom Fries?

Yale Law Prof: This is all of Europe, not just Old Europe, not just Frenchy countries.

Prerequisite pee comment

2L guy: A homeless man peed on my bushes yesterday when I was standing right there. He was muttering to himself, "Get out of here, ni**a!" I want to know, was he talking to his pee?

No Law in the Champagne Room

(In regards to the “I’m not sayin’ he shoulda killed her… but I understand!” OJ Skit and the justifications for voluntary manslaughter.)

Crim Law Prof: Chris Rock is drawing on 500 years of common law history when he does that routine!


Submitted by Pete

Case in pointelle

Tax prof: Yes, does this case (Douglas v. Wilicuts) remind us of another case? One where the paying of the taxpayer’s debt was treated as his income? Right, this is just Old Colony dressed in drag.

Submitted by Dorothy
http://www.bluecountykansasgirl.blogspot.com/

The one about the farmer's daughter...

student: well, what about the case with the traveling salesman?
professor: what traveling salesman?
student: the traveling salesman somehow duping people...
professor: The door to door salesman! There's a big difference- traveling salesmen get jokes written about them. Door to door salemen don't- because they're not funny.

Happy for him.

student: (other student) won three hundred dollars!
student 2: Asshole.

You trust these people to give you an education?

Con Law prof: It's Friday afternoon, I guess I have to do things to wake you up. Ok, I have to get on the desk. After this case, didn't you start shouting, "I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!"

Con Law prof: You don't know how much I can see from here. All things.

Torts prof: There's a magic word that begins with c…cookie, no. Consent.

Torts prof: The Flopper is societally valuable.

Torts prof: Summers v. Tice is a case I like. I like the theory behind it…yes, I like it when people get shot.

Torts prof: Why would you brag to people that you did it?
1L: Beer.
Torts prof: Beer!

Contracts prof: Undue influence is "duress lite."

-- Submitted by Homie

3L#1: ...so then the guy offered me 24 camels for the blonde girl that was with us. I thought about doing it.

3L#2: Well, you know that is valuable consideration.

3L#1: Yeah, but I would've settled for 3 camels. Mostly because the guy didn't seem that bad- you know not like the typical "I'll pour gasoline on women and set them on fire" guy. Plus, the blonde girl was kinda sucky.

3L guy: What did I miss yesterday?
3L chick: We read that case with the cat. Oh, and then he told this really funny story and no one appreciated it. If you had been there, I would have been cracking up. I mean, people were laughing, but not the people I'm on board with, you know?

This applies to 37% of us

2L: We all have different boxes that we think outside of, ok?

More things not to tell the client...

2L: Look, I just thought the client was super annoying. I didn't tell her that to her face though.

ring tone fun!

Embarrassed 3L is fumbling for his ringing cell phone, which is playing "Love Song" by the Cure.

Tax Prof: I assume that's J.S. Bach? Or perhaps Jimi Hendrix?

Overheard in Torts

Torts prof: “It’s a tragedy of our modern liability system that things are getting safer and safer, and fewer kids are dying and it’s a lot less fun.”

Submitted by Sparky

ANNOUNCEMENT (revised)

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RULES:
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3) FOR THOSE WHO CAN POST -- you can choose to keep comments on or off for your posts.

And they say Tax isn't depressing...

Tax Prof: Has anyone here ever eaten 2 Cheesecakes? Anyone? No? Yeah, the 2nd one is kinda hard.

-- Overheard by Elle Woods (http://www.legallyblondetrec.blogspot.com/)

I think that relationship is conspiratorial too...

Prof: If you could prove the cop had come into the restaurant and looked around, that's evidence from which you could draw an inference of conspiracy. What was he doing there? This was no Dunkin' Donuts; if this was Dunkin' Donuts it would be different.

Tell us what you really think about the upper class

Labor Prof: Life is really hard for the extremely rich, I mean, it's a big burden... Ok I suppose there are people with fur coats who AREN'T extremely rich...

Self-promotion gone awry?

Labor Law Prof: I'm probably going to end up on Overheard in Law School or something for this right now.

you've always got a friend in WestLaw

Lonely 2L: Sometimes I use the "Live Help" feature on WestLaw when I'm doing research late at night as a way of saying "Is there anybody out there? I haven't left my house for days and you don't care if I smell!"

Why Will moved to Bel-Air

Torts Professor: It was foreseeable that criminals would use that parking garage to commit crimes. Was it foreseeable that a cop could also be a criminal? Hey look, I'm from Philadelphia. The notion that a police officer might also be a criminal, coming from Philadelphia, I assure you is foreseeable.

Prof on fire

Property Prof: I was watching C-SPAN, which is what law professors do for fun...C-SPAN is reality tv for law professors, as opposed to 'Pimp My Ride'.

And he's a fan!

Property Professor: There are those who say Estates and Future Interests are a form of hazing. But it doesn't involve dropping you off in the middle of nowhere with 20 cents in your pocket, so you might say it's more enjoyable than hazing.

We're just providing shade...

Prof: The case has been filed, you can't just 'give up'.
Student: Sure we can. We can get rid of music production. We can merge. Or we can drop the suit and declare bankruptcy. We have three ways of giving up. We're like France!

X-ibit would be proud

CORE Prof: "What do we call those people that rip the guts out of old cars when they are being restored?"
2L: "Pimp my ride!"

Borrowed from sgcgabe (thanks!)

Seriously, did you wash your hands?

1L Chick: But, hon, it still hurts!
1L Guy: Hurting is ok. But if it starts burning by Monday, we'll go to the doctor.

absolute power...

Disaffected 2L: I'd make a much better war lord than a law student.

Drinking games!

1L dude to 1L chick: I guarantee you, we'll get home after the sun rises. I can drunk dial you at 9:00 am.

reverse psychology

1L dude: "I can't do the reading cause then she'll ask me questions!"

Spring break musings, part III

1L chick: You could go to Florida. There's no income tax there. Not like you'd be earning income, but anyway...

Spring break musings, part II

1L dude: I like oceans. Except when I lived near the beach for four years. Then I never went.

Spring break musings, part I

1L dude: Can we go somewhere tropical?
1L dude with drool: Yeah, somewhere with bikinis.
1L chick: and coconuts!
1L with drool: Oooh, coconut bikinis.

Na na ni na nah!

BA Prof: Estoppel is great, because it's like getting to run over and put duct tape on your opponent's mouth. All they can do is go, "urrrr!"

Stereotypes, shmereotypes

Crim Law & Psych prof: Women in this class know that if it has testicles or tires, they're going to have trouble with it.

Potty mouth

While illustrating how swearing is indicative of a violent attack:

Crim Law & Psych prof: A man says, "I am going to cut off her hands and shove them down her MOTHERFUCKING THROAT!" Now, that's a clue, [student].

It says what, where?

Crim Law & Psych prof: A forensic pathologist shared this story with me, and it is my favorite tattoo story. A man had a tattoo of "Your Name" on his penis! Now, you may be wondering why he'd do this: He'd take a woman out for drinks and after she's had a few, he'd tell her, "I bet I have "your name" written on my penis." Now, I see a few of you want to go and get this done, but could you at least wait until 7:30?

Learning Critical thinking

Torts prof: Would the jury have to find they met the standard of care?
Student: Yes.
Torts Prof: On the other hand, you might answer..?
Student: No.
Torts Prof: and you would be correct.

Gunned down

(crazed contracts prof in response to resident gunner's answer)
"Old weathervane, you've served us well- you're pointing in the wrong direction again."

west coast love

1L chick: "I seem to attract gay crushes. Remember the guy in Boston? We couldn't decide if he was gay or just from California."

Fashion Advice

(While discussing double-breasted construction fnions)

Labor prof: Does anybody remember double breasted suits? Yeah, I was just having a fashion flash and had this GOD AM I OLD moment...

Comforting Words

1L: Law school is just so tedious.
2L: Don’t worry. The tediousness goes away once they kill your soul.

I hope you washed your hands.

Disgruntled 2L: You have to have a lawyer simply to go to the bathroom these days.
2L with high aspirations: And I’ll be right there to hold it.

I hope you washed your hands.

Disgruntled 2L: You have to have a lawyer simply to go to the bathroom these days.
2L with high aspirations: And I’ll be right there to hold it.

More fun in FPS!

(Exercise in which somebody had to shake hands without going over the imaginary line)

FPS Prof: So what did you do to solve this problem?
2L Chick: I stuck my hands in my pockets, you know, so he'd reach over and try to take them out of my pockets... I dominated him.

Fun in FPS!

FPS Prof: So how did you solve the problem?
2L Guy: Well, I didn't really have a vested interest in winning, so I just sort of conceded.
2L Chick: Wait, what? You're sort of conceited?

Strippers for Fall Ball '06!

2L dude: I thought the DJ was horrible.
2L chick: I mean, for $700 I would at least expect the mixing to be decent.
2L chick #2: I could do so much more as a DJ for $700, at least pick some good songs or something.
Sex-crazed 2L chick: For $700 you could get a couple of male strippers! That'd be way better than a DJ, unless you needed music for your party.

on pain and paralysis

Admin prof: "Eldridge talks a lot about back pain and how this matters to his denial of disability benefits. Has anyone experienced back pain?"
3L: "I was paralyzed."

The Scene: Bruegger's, Sunday morning

Well Dressed 2L: "Hey, how's it going?"
Jeans and Sweatshirt 2L: "Going well. How's the job hunt?"
WD 2L: "Going all right. Still have some more interviews and applications to deal with."
JS 2L: "Oh, you're all dressed up. Who are you interviewing with today?"
WD 2L: "Um, I'm going to church."

How I'm studying/ I am an asshole

Mail Box Rule (to the tune of ‘Pieces of Me’)

On a Monday I am mailing
an offer that is waiting
to give you power to accept
But on Tuesday I’m revoking
Cushing v. Thompson says my choking
Has gotta get there first you bet

Oh, the mail’s not so fast
Tienhoven didn’t get a telegram
Cause Byrne’s an ass

Ohhhh
Restatement 40 says I gotta
Send that revocation faster
Unless a contract I am after
Ohhhh
But you put acceptance in the mail
Before it even gets too me
And under section 63
We’ve got a contract
A contract
That’s legally binding

Palo Alto, pretty messy
An exception, and it's senseless
Protection an offeree doesn’t need

Because it’s an option acceptance
is effective with deposit,
that’s the rule generally

Ohh, Caldwell’s offer to Cline
Isn’t valid until mail opening
time

Ohhhh
The case of cotton trader Willis versus Postal Telegraph
Says trade custom is a laugh
Ohhhh
If you accept I’ll have to abide by that mailed offer
Revocation isn’t lawful
Cause that contract
Contract
Is legally binding

How will I know?
If your acceptance gets lost
It will still bind me
And I will have to pay the cost
Household Fire versus Grant, get lost
Yea

Was that really what you wanted to say?

(3L chick stands, looking at her clothes in dismay because a pastry crumbled all over it)

3L chick: NUT EXPLOSION!!

Teach a Dog New Tricks?

Labor Prof: "Even a stupid dog learns after being repeatedly slapped."

If the glove don't fit...

Crim & Psych Prof: I called the prosecutor and asked if he had firm evidence that he had committed the crime and the prosecutor said there was a bloody thumbprint on a matchbook at the residence when he claimed he was in Australia. Now, before the OJ Simpson trial, this was evidence.

Where would John Kerry be?

Crim & Psych Prof: The hottest place in hell is reserved for fence-sitters, so make a decision.

Now now, play nice

Crim & Psych prof: A bitch slut whore. That’s a good start now!

Yeah, Corleons!

BA Prof: There's always the Godfather theory of unanimity. You put the gun to the guy's head and say it's either going to be your signature or your brains on the page.

Dead Montanans

BA Prof: "Montana's speed limit used to be whatever is reasonable and prudent. This meant 70-75 for out-of-staters and higher for Montana residents. Because out-of-state people can't drive 90 on curvy mountain roads. All the Montanans that are still alive obviously can.

Ohio Take-down

BA Prof: "Delaware judges are experienced with Corporate law, so they can use the standard. What do we want to give to Ohio judges? A rule, and a SIMPLE rule."

on the sac fly rule

BA Prof: And McGraw was the hall of fame baseball player. Played third base. Back then, players wore belts and there was only one umpire. So while the ump was watching to see if the infielder would catch the fly ball, McGraw would cheat a little and grab onto the runner's belt. Well, the runner got him by unbuckling his belt. History does not relate if his pants fell down.

Exorcising demons?

(Two 2L dudes are peering over a porn website and snickering when the professor stands behind them. Only one of the two 2L dudes notices her presence.)

Embarrassed 2L: Dude. Dude. (Cough) Dude.
Engrossed 2L: What dude, check this out. Holly likes new experiences...
FPS professor: You know, Mr. [student], we all know people surf the web during our classes and we just have to deal with it. But could you please keep it a bit more classroom appropriate? There are just some demons that should not be exorcised in class, do you understand what I'm saying?
Engrossed 2L: Uh, I wasn't looking looking...

I went to Yale anyway...

Prof: What result? You (points at guy in Harvard hat) - did you go to Harvard?
Hat guy: Yes.
Prof: Alright, well don't let Harvard down.
Hat guy: Um, can I answer the next question?

Drug Deals

Labor Prof: Say I just started giving you heroine for free...(pause for rethinking of statement)...Say I started giving you really fattening, but REALLY good brownies for free.

Hollywood

BA Prof: Wher do studios make their money nowadays?
CA 2L(under breath): Rehab.

The truth, with pictures!

Borrowed from PostSecret

I feel the earth move under my feet

Core Prof: "What's the phrase? Shake your earth?"
2L: "Um, rock your world?"

Punch, anyone?

This is a contract case, but the court is hiding detrimental reliance in there! You can't hide detrimental reliance! It's the turd in the punchbowl.
- Crazed Contracts Professor

You think or you know?

Prof: Student, do you want to brief this? You have a nice big smile on your face.
Student: I do? I think that's my default face.

Hairy Buffalo, anyone?

You can't mix causa and consideration! Apples and oranges make a nice fruit salad, but you can't mix psychedelic drugs and poison in your fruit salad! You can't handle causa! It's completely foreign to you!
-Crazed Contracts Professor

logistics, anyone?

3L chick: "But I don't want to hook up with him."
3L guy: "Let me get this straight: you want to have his babies but you don't want to hook up with him?"
3L chick: "It's the kissing. I mean, EW!"
3L guy: "Maybe you want to rethink this one."

Things not to tell the clients

Sniffly 1L: I think I have a cold. My dog has a cold. Can humans get colds from dogs?
1L's friend: I'm sure you can. My dog had ringworm once, and then I had ringworm.

I can't wait until we get to the crimes involving bagels...

2L dude: Couldn’t it be that the extortion was retaliation for something else? He had done something, they forced the extortion on him... Italian people do stuff like that all the time.

Psychiatry fun!

Dr. R: Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry.

(explaining Dahmer)
Dr. R: Jeffrey Dahmer liked to drill small holes and put mureatic acid into people's brains to make them zombies so that they'd do his sexual bidding. Of course they'd get brain infections and die, so it wasn't sexful... successful... that's great.

people watching

Procrastinator 1: "His head... it makes me think of a shiny egg and I keep waiting for the humpty dumpty moment."

Procrastinator 2: "Is it bad that i'm taking great joy out of that? replaying a nice, satisfying splat every oh.....half a second."

Don't you want your own backup singers?

Female friend: "Hey! I have those pants!"
Girlfriend: "Hey! You have good taste!"
Hapless boyfriend: "Please never wear them on the same day."

Black Widow Law Student

2L chick to attractive 1L dude: I'm sure that since we've all been through it before, we could help you with your coursework, you know, whatever you need... I mean, I'd personally offer to help you if you need it.
2L chick #2: (whispered to 1L dude) Run!
2L chick #3: (whispered to 1L dude) As fast as you can!
2L chick #2: (not quite a whisper to 1L dude) She is engaged but eats men for dinner!

Starting the DSM-V

1L Chick: No, I don't think it's ADD or anything like that, I think I'm just bored.
1L Dude: Really? My dad thinks I have ADD, but I think I'm a little autistic.

Greetings

In an Overheard in New York fashion, we bring to you Overheard in Law School.